Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Plodding on

Missed a couple of posts again.
On Thursday I had a slightly uncomfortable situation where I discovered that a person st work I considered a friendly coworker had tried to make me look bad by repeating a joke I made months ago out of context and it depressed the hell out of me. Because I'm a balanced, sane, intelligent person I dwelt on it all day Friday getting more and more cynical and miserable and allowing it to taint my positive thoughts about my job. This has a lot to do with me not posting on Friday. About the most positive spin I've managed to put on this is that still least I know he can't be trusted now, and will maintain a purely professional relationship with him from now on, but the downside to that is that I feel less relaxed and more in need of monitoring myself than I did and am therefore less happy in my job.
I'm fairly sure I'm over-reacting to what happened but it just feels safer to hide behind a bit of a fence right now.

I did nothing worthy of mention all weekend.

Yesterday I worked from home because I had an appointment with my doctor to ask for an increased dose of my antidepressants - Amitriptylin. She agreed to increase the dosage but also talked about hormones, ovaries shutting down, and HRT.
This did not make me feel more positive.
I'm not grown up enough to need HRT  (I mean I'm not on it yet, but she's talking about it if the antidepressants increase doesn't have the required effects)

Good things: None spring to mind 

Food today: 
Breakfast: mini pesto egg muffins with fruit salad 
Lunch: golden cauliflower soup (made with two-thirds cauliflower plus Butternut squash)
Dinner: chicken stir fry or chicken salad depending on my mood 
Snack: fruit and veg - namely carrot sticks and houmous 


  1. Going through the menopause (started at 49) had a hell of a huge effect on me, it gave me terrible mood swings and anxiety, knocked my confidence badly and made me very depressed - none of which I'd ever experienced before. And then there were the hot flushes and, worse, awful night sweats. My GP advised me to have HRT and it helped stabilise everything - I still wasn't fully back to my pre-menopause state, but close. My (lady) GP, similar age to me, also suggested antidepressants, which I was very resistant to at first, but gave in after a few months of severe depression. After 2 years I was able to come off them, came off the HRT last year (I'm now 58) and feel pretty much back to normal now. I would recommend having both HRT and antidepressants, they did really help me.

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  3. Menopause is a tricky time, I remember. I didn't take anything for it but I think, with hindsight, I should have. It would probably have made things a lot easier. I ate my way through it instead. :-(
    J x

  4. I had HRT for some time and it really did help - as to the work situation working with others is always difficult and trust is so easily lost. It was one of the nice things about being a student nurse you only had 8 weeks to suffer before being moved to another area. There weren't many pluses but that was one. Try to remember it is only work which you do for the money not the entertainment!!!!!

  5. HRT made a very positive difference to me, and I would certainly think about it. The dampening of quite scary mood swings really helped me, particularly at work.
    Mire recently, coming off this has (unfortunately) been, and still is, a rough ride, but the benefits of being on it over the last X years make me say at least consider it.

  6. It's been ages and now I'm worried for you. Hoping things are not too bed for you and sending love.
    J xxx