Tuesday, 17 April 2018


I was hoping that I was on the way up last week but apparently what I had thought was to keep bottom was actually on a narrow ledge alongside a further drop and I wasn't pointing in the right direction after all.
I binged yesterday and that was after overeating all weekend.
It seems to me that my off switch was turned to the on position and then snapped off so I couldn't use it.
I have no sense of moderation. If I try to restrict I hope crazy. If I don't try to resist I feed my cravings and go crazy.
But if I'm trying to restrict at least some of the time I'm not actually trying to explode myself.
I'm going to try to do a whole 30 again starting at the weekend (so I can get my weekly shop on Friday to stock up for it) and I hope by then I might manage to convince myself I haven't already failed at it.
I've had a niggling not too bad headache for about a week and I'm losing the will to live.
Perhaps I need to be locked in a padded cell with a slot in the door allowing only real, healthy nutritional food in. Does anyone have such a room? I only need it for a month or two. Or three.

ETA Food today :
Breakfast : 2 hard-boiled eggs with packaged salad and commercial caesar salad dressing (I know that's not the best choice and plan to make my own for the whole 30)
Lunch : aldi skinny Thai carrot soup followed by fat free greek yogurt and raisins
Dinner : homemade sausage and bean casserole with broccoli
Snacks: watermelon fingers, satsuma and apple


  1. OH Chrissie you are beating yourself up again it really doesn't help it just makes you miserable. I dont know if this will help but try to remember the past is gone and the future hasn't arrived there is only the now. What you did yesterday doesn't matter it has passed. Every day is a fresh start but I know letting go of the past is difficult.

  2. P.S. do you think your moods might be hormonal related?

  3. What Diane said. Much love to you.
    J x

  4. I've only just started reading your blog, I too (well, OH and me) struggle with weight issues, have done for years but for health reasons we both really need to seriously lose weight. It's so hard though isn't it, especially as we get older. Even the word 'diet' makes me want to stuff my face, so I try not to use it. What Diane said is so profound and sensible, so I agree with her totally - yesterday is over and done with, we can't change it, all we can do is concentrate on today. Best wishes to you, I hope you can put it behind you and feel better about yourself. Because if you can put it behind you, then that's a huge achievement.