Monday, 8 January 2018

I'm depressed

Not DEpressed, just depressed...
All last week, while being (relatively) good on the food front I kept forgetting to weigh myself, which I like to do when starting a diet for a benchmark starting point, call it what you will. Eventually on Saturday I remembered.
Holy crap I'm fat. It's official - because the number I saw was the largest number I've ever seen on the scales. Only by a couple of pounds, but it is even higher than it was when I cried my eyes out and then started the diet that was supposed to be the diet to end diets. And it was, for more than 5 years. But what that means is that now I have to do it all over again only now I'm nearer 50 than 40.
On the one hand I'm very motivated now.
On the other... I have to do it all over again only now I'm nearer 50 than 40.
I'm gutted that I let that happen. Not all of it was entirely my fault, bearing in mind the mirtrazapine disaster, but I'm heavier now than I was then, so it's time to quit blaming that.
More in need of positivity than ever today :
1) Still dry - made it through the weekend!
2) listened to some more guided meditations. Even if that did teach me that it's probably better to wait until the cold is completely gone before trying alternate nostril breathing. And three minutes can feel like a long time....
3) no binge following the weigh in. No booze following the weigh in.
4) all the diet shows are on the TV and I'm watching them all
5) still writing! And helping a colleague / friend who is also writing with the horror of redrafting

1 comment:

  1. There's loads of therm on the telly at the moment, isn't there. You could almost watch them back to back! What did you make of Tom Kerridge?
    Motivation is crucial, so from that point of view you are in a good place.