Thursday, 31 August 2017


I've decided to try to write posts in the morning rather than the evening since I often forget to publish before I go to bed!
Yesterday was a fairly frustrating day at work - I felt like maybe one hour was actually productive and the rest was trying to look busy - I hate days like that. I walked to the station and back, and added on a bit more walking since I had a doctor's appointment after work. For months now when I request a refill of my prescription for the antidepressants they only ever gave me a months supply. It's not a dangerous drug and I don't think it would make me any money on the black market - personally I think it's because we don't pay for prescriptions in Wales and they don't want to risk giving out unnecessary drugs that will end up getting binned if people stop taking them. But my horrendous July has convinced me that I'm not in that place and may never be - so I went to talk to the doctor about getting things simplified so I don't always have to go to the clinic. It's a 20 minute walk from my house, but working full time in Cardiff, with a commute that takes between 1 hour and an hour and a half each way, makes that a lot less convenient than it sounds. Anyway, he agreed to a batch repeat approach so hopefully that will make things easier. It sounds silly but I've actually been getting quite stressed and anxious every time in case something happened to stop me collecting it on time. Not really surprising given that I was diagnosed with anxiety as well as depression. 
Yesterday's weather was much better than the forecast said it would be - we were forecast unending heavy rain but in the end not only was it mostly dry, it was even sunny - while still being much cooler than the weekend. Lovely! And although it was drizzling this morning in Cardiff there was a beautiful rainbow to get the day started off well. Add in a delicious free latte from a local coffee shop and so far my Thursday is good! 

Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Why oh why

Do mothers bring babies into their office? I'm guessing that it's because they - the mothers- want some adult conversation for a change, but it seems pretty inconsiderate to me. The office environment isn't fun or interesting for the child so it's very likely to cry or throw a tantrum, and personally I find that a lot less helpful to my ability to concentrate on the work than you might expect...
Even people who like small children are distracted and less productive so really it's not professional at all. Don't get me wrong, if you teach kindergarten or run child care it's fine, take your son or daughter to the place with similar aged children and lots of toys... But an office??? It's quite likely the poor kid will work in one some day but there's no need to start preparing them before their first birthday!!!
OK all you loving parents can hate me for my intolerant attitude if you want, I won't hold it against you. So long as you don't punish me by bringing your screaming baby into my office.
OK, whinge over, everything else is good :-)

Monday, 28 August 2017

Their Finest

Is a brilliant movie - you should watch it!

Hello all

Apologies for missing Thursday and Friday - personal stuff going on interfered with my plan to post. You didn't miss much as I hadn't got anything exciting to say mind you. Mostly just an admission that pizza happened on Friday because my company bought a bunch of them at lunchtime for every one and I was very very very very weak. 
Isn't it weird to have such a hot and sunny Bank Holiday weekend? It's too hot for my taste and as a result I've not been sleeping very well - not that that's news. I have a fan but it's developed a mysterious intermittent knocking sound so it's a choice between sweating buckets and being woken up by unexpected sounds - a perfect storm of bad nights.
Yesterday I visited my mum and as usual had a lovely day. Roast beef dinner (followed by a delicious but evil gooseberry pie) and lots of chatting. In the evening we got a takeaway since I didn't want to drive back and head straight into the kitchen, but I kept most of mine to eat today as I was still full from lunch. Apart from that it's been a quiet weekend of housework and TV watching as usual. It's an extra short week this week for me as I have Friday booked as annual leave as well as today's bank holiday. It's my birthday on Friday - I'll be mumble mumble years old - and I hate working on my birthday. We're not making plans for anything as I'm now firmly in the stage of knocking a year off my admitted age every September 1st so I don't want to acknowledge it in any particular way. But it's possible that some sorrows will be drowned in an effort to pretend I'm less creaky than I am... And that could take all week!

Wednesday, 23 August 2017


Today I walked to the station / I always do on Monday and Tuesday but usually I drive the rest of the week because after Tuesday evening's walk I'm generally feeling like my feet have had enough of that thanks very much. I thought it was time to try to build on that and it turns out I was wrong. Sigh. But still glad I tried since I could have been short changing myself.
Still enjoying the Mediterranean Diet. If I'm honest I'm not 100% there yet - the odd slip up and using up food that I can't bring myself to bin - but I'm getting there. And feeling better!
It would be nice if the insomnia would improve though....

Tuesday, 22 August 2017


I actually forgot to post last night! I was knackered after 3 rubbish nights in a row, and I fell asleep in front of the TV without blogging.
On Saturday I went on a fishing expedition (hah) into town to follow Joy and Diane's suggestions for sources of frozen fish and now I'm much happier about my prospects. Both Aldi and Iceland had some good choices and although I didn't have room in the freezer there and then I intend to stock up this weekend. I have already had tinned fish (pilchards) twice and frozen Alaskan pollack once so I'm getting into it already. Oh, and Diane - I've been obsessing over rye bread since you mentioned it :) and today I bought a loaf- just tesco but delicious! 
I've been eating lots of veg and fruit too so I am enjoying the food. I did screw up today and eat a couple of cookies someone brought in to the office - but even that is OK on this diet so long as it's a once in a while thing, which it will be. 
So happily eating on!

Friday, 18 August 2017

Friday! Friday! Friday!

Glad to hear that you think the new plan is a good one and not just a massive cop out. Earlier I was looking for a Facebook group that might be fun to join and instead found links to an article saying that the diet is only significantly healthy if you're rich.
I'm not. But I still plan to give it a go.
On the subject of the new plan does anyone have any tips on how to do include fish in the diet twice a week (or more) without having to take out a second mortgage? I'm quite happy to eat untrendy fish but really hate dealing with fish bones so they kind of have to be filleted (and I don't fancy dealing with scales or guts if I'm honest). I think that in terms of oily fish I'll be looking at mackerel / sardines / pilchards because I'm not keen on farmed salmon as a concept. And the wild stuff seems expensive - like fresh tuna. As far as white fish goes I don't mind resorting to coley or pollack. There's a really good fish stall in Cardiff market but it places an emphasis on quality (for a price of course) rather than cheapness; M suggested I go along and ask them for suggestions and I plan to do so but I'd quite like to go armed with some knowledge so I don't end up overpaying or buying garbage because they want to get rid of it (not that I'm saying they would, but everything is better if you know what you're doing in my opinion) My other thought was Aldi but I seem to remember checking the fish when I first started shopping there and not being impressed by the prices. I don't know of any other fishmongers around except possibly in the local Tesco / Asda but I leap to the assumption that it's likely they'll mostly stock the easy-sell popular (and pricey) options since they're all about volume. Any suggestions gratefully received....

Thursday, 17 August 2017


Thanks Diane, Joy and Enz for stopping by to comment yesterday :)
I'm still feeling positive and happier today - and so much more in control of my life, my brain and mood - it's great!
I've decided that although I do desperately need to lose loads of weight I'm going to ignore that for the moment in favour of trying to get healthy - and I'd quite like your opinion. I'm thinking of trying out the Mediterranean Diet / life-style. Lean meats, fish, olive oil, nuts, legumes and fruit &veg. Some whole grains (non gluteny of course) but not too much because I don't want to be too high carb although as you can see from the above list I'm easing right back on that. Once all that lot helps to fix my myriad of health and inflammation issues I'll focus more on the weight. And I will track my food from the beginning but with more of an emphasis on nutrients than calories. The Mediterranean Diet also requires regular exercise and a focus on stress management and relaxation and enjoying life. Plus moderate drinking of red wine!
So what do you think - does that sound like an OK plan? I'm a tiny bit nervous about shifting the focus from the weight as it hasn't entirely worked in the past, but then in the past when I tried it I also didn't track my food, and I hope being more conscious of my food will rein in those over the top tendencies.
Opinions and comments eagerly awaited!

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

The relief...

I'm definitely now feeling human (if bloated and massively overweight after my weeks of bingeing). This means that I'm planning another attempt at losing the weight - through diet and increased activity - and trying to find ways to occupy and use my brain so I might stave off the next attack. I know what you're probably thinking - I've said it all before - and you're right. But temporary glitches notwithstanding, you haven't really failed till you stop trying - right?

Monday, 14 August 2017


I hate Mondays.
Especially rainy Mondays.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Nearly Friday!

I was in work again today and definitely feeling much better. For the first time in weeks I didn't eat loads of crap, although I can't deny I was tempted. Still, finally feeling a little bit more myself - not just physically but emotionally too. Hopefully climbing up out of the depths!

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Back to work

I made it into to the office today and did OK - although I needed more bathroom breaks than usual.
It was a fairly quiet day in terms of work but there was one traumatic experience - my first filling in of a sickness form. It was deeply disturbing and I was reminded of one of the advantages of being a contractor - no stupid administration paperwork. Sigh.
On the other hand it was fairly good to be back in the office and have people to talk to - plus the opportunity to spend some time on the preparation for the next training session on my work related course, which I really enjoyed.
And now it's time for an early night as I'm still convalescing (I don't think that's spelt correctly is it?)

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Yesterday and today

Yesterday I went to work as usual, spent 4 hours feeling a millimetre away from throwing up on my keyboard, and then came home. Drinking ginger beer helped with the nausea and sleeping half the day helped with the headache that was bashing my brain but when the nausea stopped the other end became involved...
I didn't go to work today. I'm feeling much better now and hope to make it in tomorrow.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Plodding on

I had a more positive feeling day today, at least while I was at work. This evening though I'm in a lot of pain from my back. I spent half the evening standing up - in the kitchen, cooking and food prepping - and the rest lying down, as sitting was less comfortable than either. And although I took pain killers for it they didn't even start to kick in for over an hour. Now I'm ready for an early night since I woke up obscenely early due to weird - and very vivid - dreams. Hopefully I won't be kept awake by the back. I plan to take a nytol to help.
And reluctantly try to take Diane's advice. 
Rest. Waaaaaaaaaaaah. 

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

And still

I keep thinking I'm getting better then... Not. But this time I might be. I started a new set of work on Monday with a very steep learning curve and the days have flown by. I'm still eating crap but feeling like the urgency is wearing off, and still having back pain and foot pain but admitting to myself at least that I'm probably making both sources of pain worse with the over eating (and bad choices)
Hopefully I will start to feel human again soon...
Thanks Joy and Enz for your comments yesterday xxx

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Still alive

Still in and out of the massive depression and I can't claim to be not bingeing my way through it any more.
But on the other hand I do somewhat feel less bad because I've realized that maybe having been in pain - feet, ankles, back and a painful rash that recurs every time I get stressed and depressed - pretty much all the time for months is not a bad excuse for being depressed and failing to climb out of it.
Although its also not a good excuse for being self destructive and probably making all the above worse. But I can't seem to help myself....