Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Bloody BT Part II

I spent about 45 minutes on the phone to BT yesterday between a couple of calls and the second person I spoke to repeating the tests that the first one had done. Most of that time was taken up with them repeatedly implying it MUST be our equipment not theirs / or a screw up on their side (and repeatedly stressing that if it was down to our stuff the engineers visit would cost us £129.99.)
It started working during the night. Unless M became a sleep walking telephone engineer and somehow achieved feats he's not capable of awake, that wasn't due to anything WE did... I keep picturing someone working nights at the exchange realizing that a switch had been switched off that shouldn't have been and taking 0.25 seconds to flip it back on....

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Bloody BT

I got home from work today to no internet connection. We have BT Infinity broadband so that isn't supposed to happen. I spent most of the evening on the phone and the earliest they can get someone out to sort it is next Wednesday. A sodding week away. M thinks they probably did something stupid at the exchange and it will 'miraculously fix itself' between now and then. Hopefully he's right because at the moment we're relying on his mobile phone acting as a mobile hot spot. My phone doesn't get a good enough signal in the house to be able to do it so when he goes off to work I'll be internet-lrss and screwed if it doesn't come back.
Bloody BT 

Monday, 24 July 2017


How is everyone?
I'm.... Struggling again with the depression thing. So far I haven't binged or got totally plastered, though I can't claim to have made the best choices the last couple of days. I've been prone to getting tearful and being very negative about things, as well as overly sensitive about imagined criticism. Sigh. The crappy weather in Wales didn't help (torrential rain most of Friday, some torrential showers Saturday, grey and dreary Sunday) and nor did staying shut up in the house most of the weekend. 
M asked me on Saturday what I thought would help make me feel happier... I literally couldn't think of anything at all. Yesterday wasn't AS bad and today was a little better again, so I have no idea what was going on in my brain or why it's improving now. That lack of a clue is really frustrating...

Thursday, 20 July 2017


What to say, what to say...
I had a day of presentations and meetings today. Some of them were quite interesting as such things go but it doesn't really lead to an interesting post. I didn't go out at lunchtime - I'm having more foot pain this week so I'm resting it as much as I can. I'm slowly getting my eating back under control - I lost it a bit after Fridays afternoon do and the sheer exhaustion I was suffering from pretty much up until today. Nytol has been my knight in shining armour on that front and I'm finally not feeling so fatigued. Hopefully I'll get back under control on all fronts and be able to make progress again on the food, getting more active, and generally feeling healthier.

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Wednesday already?

We had some light rain last night but no storm as far as I can tell. It carried on being grey and dreary - and muggy - today as well, but waited to actually rain until I left work. Luckily even then it was fairly light and unconvincing rain - no-where near what the farmers and gardeners are looking for.
I slept much better last night with the help of another nytol. I know it's only intended for short term use but I'm still playing catch up and every evening it seems to hit me like a hanner - I'm barely awake now. So I'll keep taking it for a day or two more. Must go now zzzzzzzzzzzzz 

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Tuesday.. I think

I've been struggling to get any sleep for days now and yesterday it really caught up with me - hence the placeholder post last night.
We last spoke on Friday, just before the great cheese and wine tasting - and it was great. I was mingling with people I didn't know well - some I'd never met before and others I'd had only the most casual and superficial contact with. Unless you just dropped by today for the first time ever you'll know that's not really my comfort zone. I struggle to make conversation at the best of times and being the new girl with lots of people who already know each other isn't the best of times in my world. But I work with a lot of nice, friendly and funny people and it turned out I could make conversation. And it wasn't even conversation about work either. Plus there were some incredible cheeses and excellent Welsh beer - and it finished just after 4 in the afternoon so I wasn't even out late. In fact I caught the train only 15 minutes later than usual. Much better than any other Friday afternoon in the history of working.
When I got home (I wasn't pissed in case you wondered) we had a takeaway and I had one more beer.
Saturday we completely rearranged our living room - involving lots of furniture moving and back pain. Sunday we finished off a few bits and I managed a short walk - with more back pain. And no sleep.
Monday it really caught up with me. I very nearly fell asleep at my desk in the afternoon and found myself grazing on lots of carbs all day. I fell into bed by about 8 and (with the help of nytol) managed a reasonable nights sleep finally.
Today I was still quite tired but kept it under better control. The morning wasn't disrupted by a desk move (why do companies insist on doing those? It just gets in the way of the work.) and I'm now sitting at exactly the same desk I started out at when I joined the company. Exactly 3 months ago today. With another possible desk move on the not too distant horizon.
I just took another nytol so I'm going to go to sleep now... Zzzzzzzzzzzzz 

Monday, 17 July 2017

Friday, 14 July 2017


Posting now because there's no way I'll be up for it later.
Today we're having a summer work do involving cheese and wine (or beer) and a paid afternoon off. We're leaving at 12 and not eating till 1:30 (alarm bells ringing already). 
I will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues. 
will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues. 
I will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues.
I possibly should have practiced drinking beer when I knew this was coming.

Thursday, 13 July 2017

Sometimes I do myself no favours...

Like when I'm depressed and choose to wallow in it instead of doing something to feel better. Like when I'm depressed and lonely and curl up on my own instead of finding company or even posting. Like when I'm struggling with the diet thing because of an unhappy weigh in and 'decide' to binge.
None of those things apply today by the way. But I'm bored because of a quiet time at work and have been for a few days now. When it started I went around asking people for work and they gave it to me and it was good. Until I hit blockers on several bits of said work that left me hanging around waiting for other people to sort things out so I can do my thing. And I seem to have run out of 'chasing it' steam (partly due to inhibitions about being seen as a nag) so I'm just sitting around being bored and letting nothing happen. Pathetic. Although I'm possibly just being more like a permie than a contractor who feels the need to constantly demonstrate value to the customer. Anyway whatever I'm bored.

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Tuesday and Wednesday

I didn't post yesterday because I was knackered after another poor night and fell asleep a little unexpectedly.
I slept really well last night though so feel much better today!
Yesterday it drizzled as I walked to the station and then it rained - hard - for most of the day, with an extra spurt just in time for the walk home from the station. I had an umbrella and wouldn't have been too badly off, except for the land rover that sprayed me with 1000 gallons of puddle water 15 minutes from home. Then I crossed the road and two more cars sprayed me on the other side. At least I was dripping symmetrically I guess...
Today was dry, possibly because all the rain in Wales had fallen on me already. It was also muggy and cloudy but you can't win them all.
Work was boring today. Yesterday it was slightly less boring as I was asked to help a new baby tester find his feet for a couple of hours before handing him off to a colleague. He should have been sitting with me again today, but he never showed. I know I moan quite a bit about testing but I didn't realize it was quite that bad!
By home time I was desperate to get out of there so of course the train was running late. And Cardiff was really annoying because Coldplay are performing here - and some idiot decided to put the stadium right in the centre of Cardiff to ensure maximum annoyance and disruption for every event. Thank goodness nothing is happening tomorrow, that's all I can say. 

Monday, 10 July 2017

Happy Monday.

Yeah, right. Today was a very Monday-ish Monday again and the weekend went far far far too quickly.
I had a worrying amount of pain from my left foot today, from half way through the walk to the station till roughly lunchtime. A horrible burning sensation even when I didn't have any weight on it. I was not a happy bunny at all... Especially as I was knackered after nearly no sleep.
I hate bloody Mondays.

Friday, 7 July 2017

A little bit cooler today

Yesterday blogger fid it again and I couldn't bring myself to try to go through it again. It was a day of meetings at work and heat on the train, behaving pretty well with the food etc. See, boring!
Today was frustrating in terms of work - lots of waiting for other people to do their part. That's not criticism, it's a fact, I need a developer to write the code before I can test it and I'd run out of written testable code.
I popped out at lunchtime - it was quite a bit cooler than it has been, but the city centre was infested with religious people trying to make me fear for my soul. The Jehovah's witnesses were quiet and unobtrusive, but there was a gang of seemingly American missionaries with microphones were shouting about evolution and sin and whatnot. While everyone walked past and ignored them, me included. Strange how you never see these people out preaching on freezing cold February afternoons...
Food still good!

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

I can't be doing with this heat

It was about 17 degrees by 6 am and around 25 when I left work. I know that if millions of people read this there would be millions of people saying "you don't know what heat is! 25? Pfft." Whatever. 25 degrees on a crowded train (the one before mine was cancelled) is TOO MUCH. No air con. No noticeable breeze. Lots of people. HATE HATE HATE.
It made me feel quite ill - luckily M picked me up so I didn't have to walk / crawl / crash my way home from the station. I still feel dodgy now with a dehydration headache. How long till autumn?
I didn't quite stick to my food planning this evening due to the above - I added a protein bars to settle my stomach a bit. It worked so I have no regrets.
Now I'm going to try to get some sleep... The fan is on and the bedroom doesn't feel too bad. But today I miss my air conditioned car. Sigh.
PS I defeated my evil blogger app (the official Blogger one) by saving this post every other sentence. Must check out Enz's suggestion because that's already getting old....

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Blogger ate my post. Twice.

It wasn't an exciting post but it was longish.
To sum up:
Work - pretty good 
Food - pretty good 
Foot / feet - pretty sore 
Weight - heading in the right direction 
Weather - lovely evening after dreary start.
And... You're all caught up! Now I must go smash my blogger app against a rock 

Monday, 3 July 2017

Another Monday

We finished the gravel on the garden on Saturday morning and I started spraying weed killer on the tufts sticking out around the edges on Sunday morning so we're virtually there now - although I expect it to take a few treatments to finish the tufts off. 
Sunday was a glorious looking day but so hot I didn't feel like going for a walk - so I didn't bother. Today and tomorrow I have to walk to the station anyway and I still have enough pain (although definitely much improved) not to feel like pushing it and maybe setting things back. This afternoon was also lovely and the walk home was quite pleasant all in all. I'm pretty knackered though having woken up somewhere around 2 again. I wanted a really early night - like 8 year old child early night - but I'm trying to hang on a bit longer in the hope that I do better tomorrow. It doesn't usually help but I'm so so tired...
I have to admit I had a depressive dip over the weekend again. I think I'm doing better now and I didn't break my diet or anything - but I was very irritable and snappy and I don't know which came first - the lack of sleep or the bad mood. On Saturday evening I basically retreated into the spare room to be alone and unsocial because I couldn't handle conversation and M wanted to discuss stuff and plan stuff and involve me - none of which I felt up to doing. 
I need to reclaim walking for pleasure or introduce some other form of exercise because there's no denying it helps with that sort of crap. I also keep thinking I should try meditating or something but a part of me resists the idea and I don't know where to start. All I do know is the weekend was a reminder of how low I can get and although I have come back up now I'd like to have an action plan for the next time. 
Do any of you meditate? Or have suggestions for therapeutic exercise that maybe doesn't involve too much strain on the plantar fasciitis? Except weights - my right elbow is protesting the work I did on the garden.
Good God you wouldn't know I'm only 45 would you....

Saturday, 1 July 2017


Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was do tired by the evening I just fell into bed around 8 and passed out :-)
I took a day's annual leave yesterday intending to get more of the garden gravelled but didn't manage to - we're selling my car to my father in law (hence the walking to the train station a couple of days last week) and we discovered that the last time I parked it in the train station car park a tree splattered it with sap. As I didn't notice for a few days it was firmly dried on and I ended up spending the whole day trying to get it off with hand sanitizer and surgical spirit. It's not perfect but it's vastly better - and it was very hard work. And now I get to spend today on the gravel again, after hoping it would be finished by now and I'd be free to just enjoy a normal weekend. Sigh.
Foodwise I was pretty good but did have a beer last night. Just the one!