Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Cycle

I'm in a cycle I mean - not on a cycle :-)
My cycle is something like this: get depressed over job situation -> comfort binge eat (or drink, but I'm doing well at resisting that at the moment) -> feel sick -> get run down -> get depressed at job situation AND weight no-loss -> comfort binge eat 

Repeat ad nauseum. If today is the 46th day of the year I've had approximately 40 new starts so far, and having one or two 'good' days in that period is not enough to fix the bad. 
I'm not coming at this in a self hating or blaming way, just an attempt to work out a way out from the cycle. I'm not looking after myself properly by replacing healthy (or even just normal) food) with crap that lacks any real nutritional value. I'm not feeding my brain what it needs to fight depression, not feeding my immune system what it needs to fight infection or heal. 
On the plus side I've only had one drink in a week and a half, and most days, weather permitting, I make it out of the house and generally walk 2 or 3 miles.  
So I'm planning to continue with the not drinking and the walking - ideally increasing the distance as I go. I can't magic up a job before one becomes available so I'll just have to find a better coping mechanism. In the short term that is going to be not tightly watching my calories but endeavouring to cut out the crap. Basically no processed foods. If I can get out of that habit my body should thank me but getting stronger if not thinner. If I can manage that I can then start cutting back on the calories - but slowly so I don't push too far too quickly and end up bingeing again. 
It's a plan, even if it's not the best plan. Did you think I can do it? I'm not sure I do but I guess time will tell...

Food today:
Breakfast: pan-fried cold smoked mackerel with a slice of gf bread 
Lunch: homemade leek and cauliflower  soup with a small garnish of diced dry-fried cooking bacon and a hard boiled egg
Dinner: homemade lamb and cumin burger with broccoli 
Snack: Total 0% Greek yogurt 

2 comments:

  1. I think you are wise - work on the things you have control over and don't waste finite energy on those you don't. Personally I would forget calories and focus on healthy, but that's just my way.
    J x

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  2. I second that moderation not abstinence-hide the bathroom scales so the are not so easy to use. They tell you little but depress you immensely.

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