Tuesday, 28 February 2017


I actually forgot to post yesterday - literally never even thought of it all day long. I spent the morning working over my CV since it was obviously broken, and I enjoyed that so very much, with its reminders of how long I'd spent doing something I don't like, and how much I have to want to do it again... I basically stopped using all IT after that for the rest of the day.
The weekend was also pretty rubbish based on the appalling weather which imprisoned me indoors apart from a couple of very quick dashes to the nearest shop.
We did watch The Angry Birds movie which was the best movie of all time and was thoroughly robbed in the 2015 Oscars selection process. Robbed I tell you. Plus I'm now hooked on Angry Birds again after losing interest years ago. I'm so suggestible it's embarrassing.
Today was better though. I woke up at 3:30 which was lovely, and expected the whole day to sucks. But I forced myself out to go to the library, and through getting lost slightly on the way back (no, it wasn't my regular library, my sense of direction isn't that bad) I walked over 5 miles. And only got rained / sleeted on for the last 10 or 15 minutes of it!
However my eating was rubbish. But I talked to agents who were positive about my employability so that cheered me up. Plus watching some Vera and QI XL. The early start is catching up with me now.

Friday, 24 February 2017


The sun came out today! It's due to be the only nice day for the foreseeable future so it was lovely to see.
I started the day with a trip to Aldi which led to trips to a Tesco Express and Londis because Aldi let me down on a couple of bits. When I got home I did some exciting laundry and my father in law popped round for a chat, so we discussed healthy living, weight loss etc. He was making valid points that Diane, Joy and every one has been making here - about moderation, not total restriction, and about consistency and patience. I do listen to everyone, honestly - I just find it hard to put into practice. 
After he left I got on the climber for 20 minutes, followed by some online training and then a late walk.

I also watched Shop Well for Less to see if I could pick up any tips. I felt the family was so extreme - £12000 of shoes, for goodness sake! And I'm not a brand buyer anyway so it wasn't as useful as I hoped but it was interesting. I also had a look on the Net at a bulk buying website to see if I might be able to save money there and plan a price comparison exercise to see what I can do - not processed foods, but toiletries, cleaning and laundry products for instance. Does anyone use any of these sites? The one I'm looking at at the moment is called Eatbig.co.uk.

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Hello Doris

With Storm Doris passing through Wales it's actually not raining today. I know - amazing! But we do have 50+ mph winds howling around the house, waking up innocent would be sleepers and putting would be walkers off as well.
I had to nap briefly this morning due to a splitting headache that took a while to respond to painkillers, but I also managed to watch some IT training videos on the Net and search for some jobs (not very successfully). While the headache was at its peak I had trouble getting my eyes to focus well enough to read the website - hence the nap. It cleared up by lunchtime thankfully and then I spent some time looking wistfully out of the window at the plants thrashing around madly in the back garden and trying to find the energy to brave the storm. Which was nothing more than a bit of wind, but I'm a big wimp when it comes to the wind, especially if it's cold as well. So I didn't leave the house all day. I can't carry on like that, I'll go nuts! The wind seems to have died down now so hopefully tomorrow will be better...

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

More dreariness

It drizzled all day again today. I did pop out to the nearest shop in the afternoon but didn't enjoy the dampness. Cabin fever had attacked and I had to get out, but I basically cut it as short as I could then tried to burn off some energy by spending 26 minutes on the climber - plodding along like a walking antiquity. Now I'm knackered so don't feel like I have much to say...

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Long dreary day

It was drizzling at 4 this morning. And at 5, 6, 7... get the idea?
I literally never left the plot on which our house sits. At 4 am I took our food caddy up to the rear access lane for collection this morning; at 2 pm I put the recycling bag out the front for collection tomorrow morning. If recycling didn't make me feel less guilty for running a dishwasher and tumble dryer I wouldn't have left the house at all.
I spent the day searching for jobs to apply for, watching tv (QI XL and Vera, if you're interested) and doing laundry. And grazing. I was awake at 2am and am so tired that if it had been a nicer day I probably would have cracked in terms of chocolate at least, possibly booze as well since that's still a temptation every day. But it wasn't nicer so I didn't. However I had some toast this afternoon, not gluten free, and not part of my plan.
At the moment I'm watching Griff Rhys Jones tramping around the Scottish Highlands, reluctantly admitting that the weather could be worse... just looking at it is making my feet cold despite my warm socks and central heating.

Monday, 20 February 2017

Is it Monday today?

Well, I'm still not drinking or eating sweet stuff. I don't feel like I'm losing weight and that may be because I'm pretty much constantly hungry. Probably my body trying to remind me it's time for a big chocolate bar or something, in which case hopefully it will soon realise that isn't happening and I'll be able to stop snacking on all the cheese, all the cold meat, and all the Greek yogurt. Hopefully. Still. Not giving up.

Thursday, 16 February 2017


Thanks for not telling me I'm copping out with my new plan. I worry when making that kind of decision that I'm going to end up on a six month bender involving eating till I die.
I was snacky today but not sweet stuff and I inadvertently walked 7.5 miles so I think I earned it. 
This morning I walked to the doctors surgery to hand in a repeat prescription form and intended to carry on into town afterwards. Then it started to rain so after depositing the form I headed for home. Then it stopped raining so I turned around again. If I had a stalker he would have thought I'd gone mad. I made it into town without more rain and went to a hairdressers I'd spotted where you don't always need to book. They fitted me in straight away and would you believe it, the stylist was a keen walker who forages for wild mushrooms! Never enjoyed a hair cut so much before. Not necessarily the best cut ever but a good experience. And way less stressful than trying not to get drawn into a forced conversation about whether I have a holiday coming up. Then I went to the library, returned home for lunch, and popped out for a little shopping. That's when the snackiness kicked in, I reached the shop and like a flick of a switch my energy was gone. Walking home I felt like my spine was compressing under the (not that great) weight of my rucksack. Yep, still a bit run down. Rest day tomorrow.

Food today:
Breakfast:  eggs scrambled with mushrooms and bacon 
Lunch: cauliflower and leek soup with a garnish of diced bacon 
Dinner: chicken and vegetables - Sunday dinner on Thursday 
Snacks: cashew nuts and pork scratchings 

Wednesday, 15 February 2017


I'm in a cycle I mean - not on a cycle :-)
My cycle is something like this: get depressed over job situation -> comfort binge eat (or drink, but I'm doing well at resisting that at the moment) -> feel sick -> get run down -> get depressed at job situation AND weight no-loss -> comfort binge eat 

Repeat ad nauseum. If today is the 46th day of the year I've had approximately 40 new starts so far, and having one or two 'good' days in that period is not enough to fix the bad. 
I'm not coming at this in a self hating or blaming way, just an attempt to work out a way out from the cycle. I'm not looking after myself properly by replacing healthy (or even just normal) food) with crap that lacks any real nutritional value. I'm not feeding my brain what it needs to fight depression, not feeding my immune system what it needs to fight infection or heal. 
On the plus side I've only had one drink in a week and a half, and most days, weather permitting, I make it out of the house and generally walk 2 or 3 miles.  
So I'm planning to continue with the not drinking and the walking - ideally increasing the distance as I go. I can't magic up a job before one becomes available so I'll just have to find a better coping mechanism. In the short term that is going to be not tightly watching my calories but endeavouring to cut out the crap. Basically no processed foods. If I can get out of that habit my body should thank me but getting stronger if not thinner. If I can manage that I can then start cutting back on the calories - but slowly so I don't push too far too quickly and end up bingeing again. 
It's a plan, even if it's not the best plan. Did you think I can do it? I'm not sure I do but I guess time will tell...

Food today:
Breakfast: pan-fried cold smoked mackerel with a slice of gf bread 
Lunch: homemade leek and cauliflower  soup with a small garnish of diced dry-fried cooking bacon and a hard boiled egg
Dinner: homemade lamb and cumin burger with broccoli 
Snack: Total 0% Greek yogurt 

Tuesday, 14 February 2017


Full on binge today. I don't know why, I just know I feel slightly sick and very silly.
It could be because I've always hated Valentine's Day I suppose, which would be pretty pathetic. 
Or maybe because my upper lip is covered with very painful cold sores. Whatever the reason, I'm not a happy bunny.

Monday, 13 February 2017


It's still cold here even if the risk of snow was greatly overstated. We had none on Sunday at all - but it was so bitter I cut my walk short - the cold wind was bringing tears to my eyes.
Today I managed to walk a few miles. It looked pretty good - bright and sunny - this morning as I went to the library, but again with the bitterly cold and later in the morning the wind picked up and it clouded right over so I wasn't inspired to go out again. 
I did some training - the boring professional kind not physical exercise - and quite a bit of food prep and cooking but that was about all. Apart from lazy reading and TV watching. And searching for new jobs to be rejected by. 

Saturday, 11 February 2017

Sorry guys

Sheer exhaustion wiped me out. On Thursday little bruv and I only walked 5 miles because we were both knackered - plus it was sooo cold. The rest of the day was spent chatting and TV watching in the warm.
Yesterdays interview was quite good in every respect except the getting a job offer part. The job was for a manufacturing company and although I felt I got on well with the IT director who interviewed me she didn't feel I'd necessarily fit in with the users I'd have to work with. I'm not sure I couldn't get on with men in hard hats and high-vis jackets myself, but I wasn't that keen on the job based on the salary anyway. M suggested the real reason might be a fear of a drop in productivity due to my distracting boobs in the warehouse, but I think that reveals more about him than the guys in the warehouse. Ah well. Still unemployed.
On the way home from the interview I popped into Aldi's and then drove home planning a walk; but it was sooooo cold I didn't bother. I put my dressing gown on at 12:20 - at that point I was taking off my suit to get lunch and planned to dress again after eating, but I lay down for 5, fell asleep, and never got going again.
This morning I woke up to snow. A thin coat on the roofs and gardens and more falling. I don't like snow. Plus it was sooooooooo cold... I haven't left the house. I wanted to go to the library but. No. Just no.
Years ago we discussed emigrating to Canada, obviously eventually deciding against. In retrospect that may have been the best decision we ever made. I would have to stay home for MONTHS and then I'd get cranky and melt down. At least I know it will probably be (relatively) warmly raining in a few days here in South Wales...
Last night I had a whisky - the first drink since Monday - and ate some extras to console myself on the job front; consequently I didn't weigh myself today

Wednesday, 8 February 2017


My brother walked my feet off my legs today. He arrived bright and early and we walked to the train station (1.3 miles) and caught the train to Cardiff. We walked around all day from 9 till 16:00 apart from a couple of shortish breaks, then reversed the journey home. According to my phone I walked just over 13 miles in total though I find that hard to believe - but it is hard to judge when you're more involved in conversation than traveling.
As well as wandering all over town we also visited Cardiff Castle for a couple of hours of self guided exploration.
I had a brilliant day despite sleeping extremely badly last night, and I managed not to go overboard on the food, plus avoiding all booze!
Happy sigh.

(Falconry at the castle - such beautiful birds - and such bad photos!)

I know Cardiff Castle as it stands today is mostly a 19th - early 20th century flight of fancy with little of the Roman and Norman structure remaining, but that Marquess of Bute had some excellent flights of fancy!

Weight : 178 lbs

Tuesday, 7 February 2017


I've been so tired and so hungry today. No binge, but probably maintenance calories. I managed a walk and a very little housework but that's it in terms of the physical.
Tomorrow is another day.
And no booze!

Weight : 179 lbs 

Monday, 6 February 2017

Monday again

Saturday I tried on my second pair of walking shoes from Amazon and had the same result - too small. The manufacturer - Merrell - seem to make up their own sizing system and it's not even internally consistent. I was frustrated and annoyed so I decided to go to Sports Direct where I could try some pairs on. It's only a mile from the house so you might think that should have been my first resort, but I find the stores aesthetically unpleasant, the staff fairly useless - and who can blame them, working there must be soul destroying - and the corporate ethos unethical and disgusting. Having said all that, the shoes I found fit, were cheaper, and I was able to wear them back home - which somehow overcame my objections. I'm not proud of it, but I walked there with wet feet again so meh.
Sunday I walked about 3 miles for shopping purposes but otherwise had a quiet day apart from watching the new Ghostbusters movie (loved it - although I felt a bit sick when I realized the first one came out over 30 years ago) and drinking half a bottle of red wine. Although I did eat well, I'm still drinking too often though not usually very much at a time.
Today was a better day. I walked 3.5 miles (I'm breaking in my new shoes nicely), ate well and drank no booze at all. I also tracked everything I ate in MyFitnessPal, so I'm feeling pleasantly virtuous right now. One day down, hundreds to go...
Oh, and a busy week ahead - my brother is visiting Wednesday and Thursday and... wait for it... a job interview on Friday!

Weight : 179 lbs

Friday, 3 February 2017

Ow Ow Ow ooh

Something very horrible happened to me yesterday - something I volunteered for and inflicted on myself, but if anything that just makes it worse... I decided a while back to get a coil fitted so I wouldn't have to keep with the pill. Yesterday was the family planning clinic session to get it done. OMFG short of child birth which I haven't and don't plan to experience that was the horriblest thing ever. I have (apparently) a tight cervix with an awkward tilt and needed local anaesthetic (why does a local anaesthetic have to hurt? Seems illogical), dilators and multiple attempts at insertion, all of which were on a spectrum from uncomfortable to excruciating. I arrived at the clinic around 17:20 and didn't get home till almost 20:00 because of all the hanging round in the most uncomfortable moulded plastic chair ever 'designed', I had a million opportunities to leave... so I have no-one to blame but myself, but it was dreadful at the time. Luckily I'd bought some powerful paracetamol and codeine painkillers earlier in the day so I was able to get some sleep eventually. I really hope it lasts the advertised 7 years!
This morning I tried Lidl in my ongoing attempts to find the cheapest shopping options. Both my own mother and M's father prefer Lidl to Aldi but I disagree - I think I'll stick with Aldi from now on.
It poured with rain all day so I wasn't even tempted by a walk - instead I did some studying and reading - I'm enjoying a biography of Josephine Tey at the moment. Pretty dull day really but I needed a restful one as I'm tired and still cramping off and on.

Weight today : 179 lbs

Thursday, 2 February 2017

And rain

I'm currently waiting for the delivery of a new pair of walking shoes. The comments on Amazon make it really hard to be sure what size I want as the manufacturer apparently runs small so I ordered a half size up for now from a supplier who does free returns, just in case.
I have some stuff to pick up from town today but it's poured down all morning so I'm waiting for the forecast improvement this afternoon. Hopefully I'll have the new shoes by then, if not the leaky but non-crippling ones will have to have a last outing before the dustbin.
While I'm waiting the studying continues. 
I actually forgot to have breakfast today - unheard I of!
After starting to write this the walking shoes arrived and were too small - so now I'm wearing the still wet leaky shoes for my errands and have added a stop of at an amazon collection point to the list. At least it's finally stopped raining. Except in my shoes 

Weight today : 181lbs 

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Rain. And Rain. And rain

Fortunately this morning at least I had to wait in for a couple of deliveries so I wouldn't have been able to go out even if I'd wanted to. I did a little sketching, some studying, some housework and some TV watching - it was a productive morning. Both my deliveries arrived around lunch so after eating I decided to pop out for a short walk to test the boots I'd found the day before.
Oh my god I almost instantly knew exactly why I stopped wearing them! They didn't give me any blisters but they were so heavy and rigid that my ankles in particular were almost immediately wrecked. I was limping and wishing for a teleport system in no time at all and cut my walk short so I could rip them off my feet and swiftly order some new boots from Amazon - as close as possible to my favourite boots of all time, which died last year. My ankles were aching and tired for a good while afterwards but eventually stopped screaming at me. By that point it was raining harder again and I was glad to be home in the dry.
My food today was good, my morning was productive - the afternoon a bit less so - and my exercise, like this mornings weigh in (the first for a few weeks) disappointing 
Weight today 182 lbs.