Thursday, 28 December 2017

Merry Christmas

I waited till THE DAY was out of the way and those of you who like Christmas had already likeD Christmas because I'm considerate like that.
I had a rubbish Christmas Day, and for once it wasn't because of my lousy stupid crazy brain but just because the COLD OF DOOM returned. (shouldn't I be immune for the this year at least? I'm sure I should)
We spent Christmas Day with my in laws. My Father in Law, S, picked us up around 11 and took us to his house, which is 5 minutes drive away. At that point my cough was back but I felt ok. At their house, they gave me cough mixture and I think it disagreed with me or maybe it was a coincidence because I immediately started feeling iller and iller. It's a word on my blog, even if it isnt IRL. And iller.
So I felt sorry for myself and ruined the day for everyone, because I'm not what you could call stoic. I did take part in some trivia quizes, and hammered everyone despite being near dead. Although I'm not a competitive person so didn't gloat (openly).
Boxing Day I spent in bed. Eating Jack Daniels Fudge (a gift from the in laws who apparently haven't noticed that I'm already fat and am not in need of feeding up)
Yesterday I walked into town for emergency Night Nurse. I was supposed to be visiting my mum and was heartbroken at having to put it off but I wasn't fit to drive, couldn't talk, and didn't want to give them what I had, so I forced myself to do the sensible thing. Apart from walking to the nearest pharmacy and back, I did nothing.
So far today is looking similar.
Next year I want to spend the holiday somewhere they never heard of Christmas. Any suggestions? Answers on a postcard please.
But still, I do hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, really I do, misery doesn't always love company.

Tuesday, 19 December 2017

If you don't have anything good to say

Don't say anything.
And then just don't post at all for weeks on end.
Still miserable.
Bah humbug

Sunday, 10 December 2017


This is the fourth antidepressant I've quit, the second one I've come off without already having started taking another and it SUCKS.
Last time I tapered myself off an antidepressant I've been on it less than a year, maybe that's the differnce, or maybe Trazodone is worse for withdrawals, I don't know.
My mood is swinging around like nobody's business.
My memory seems to have gone on holiday without me.
My sleeping patterns are completely shot, so 1) I'm exhausted, lacking in energy, and emotional and
2) I have a banging headache right now.
Surprisingly I have been continuing to write like a demon, but I'm scared to reread it so for all I know it reads like a six year old homework assignment.

On top of that we have snow. Friday night a couple of cms fell and settled. Yesterday it didn't snow, but was too cold for much melting. Today, so far - its currently 8:25 am - its been snowing since at least 5:45 am because that's when I dragged myself out of bed. And did I mention that I live half way up a mountain and I don't have a 4x4 vehicle? I have no holiday left to take so I could be struggling in to work through snow drifts in the dark tomorrow.
I hate my life.

Wednesday, 6 December 2017

Withdrawal symptoms part II

This time I do mean the antidepressants kind I think. Unless I'm just run down and a hypochondriac. I just feel off this week. I'm sleeping badly - of course the antidepressants are sedating so that's not surprising - and my head feels peculiar, kind of disconnected and fluffy.

However I am still writing and not depressed yet

Thursday, 30 November 2017

Withdrawal symptoms

No, not for the antidepressants, I'm coming off them at the rate of continental drift and therefore my body has barely noticed yet.
I have no idea what to write next, and no idea how I'll stay sane (for a given value of sane, ie no more bonkers than usual) until I think of something else to write. Who knew that pounding out 1000-3000 words day after day would become a difficult habit to break?
I need inspiration. This is madness. One afternoon of euphoria is all I can manage. Gaaah.

Wednesday, 29 November 2017

I am the champion

I am feeling very happy today. Which is probably surprising after yesterday's somewhat negative post. And oh look, two posts in two days - that makes a change too!
Today I finished the first draft of an actual novel - not a short story, an actual 60,000 word NOVEL.
I'm not deluding myself that it's a GOOD novel, but it is a complete first draft, and as I've never managed that before....

Tuesday, 28 November 2017

Finally back at work

Yesterday was actually a booked holiday day and I'm back today mainly because if I was off any more I'd have to get a doctor's note, but here in Wales the process for getting a doctor's appointment robs me of the will to live. If I had a month to live I might consider it, but for anything less? Nah.
I actually did go to the doctor yesterday in an emergency appointment relating to my being bonkers. Side effects to the antidepressants to be specific but not exact. Not willing to be exact here but another antidepressant is being kicked to the kerb and this time the doctor wants me to clear it out of my system before prescribing something else. You can imagine how happy that makes me as I find Christmas stressful at the best of times and non-medicated doesn't qualify.
Ah well, I need to be off this drug anyway. I really want to just get rid of all of them but it didn't go so well last time so I'm scared to.
My time off sick was unbelievably tedious since I never had the strength for anything but using the remote control. Apart from Saturday when I went out twice doing various stuff and accidentally walked 10 miles, which knocked me out again on Sunday.
Words cannot express how sick of being barmy I am right now.
Also I must must must get my weight under control. Must, I tell you!

Thursday, 23 November 2017

err.. Hi

I honestly hadn't realised how long its been since my last post until I saw Joy's comment this morning! Amazing how one day blends into the next some times...
So, all last week I was writing away madly, and by Monday I thought I had the end of the book I'm trying to write in sight. But since Friday I've been battling with the nasty cold / flu bug that's been going around, and I've been off work with it since Tuesday. I'm having trouble with my eyes, which won't stop watering, with coughing fits that wipe me out and leave me with a sore throat that feels a lot like I'm a very poor sword swallower. Plus coughing attacks in the middle of the night keeping me awake. I know its absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things and really doesn't compare to being really sick or needing surgery, but it has meant that I'm not going out and about at the moment, so I really nothing to report.
Also while feeling sorry for myself I've been eating badly again. Using fighting the bug as an excuse to not try to restrict calories. I'm genuinely frightened to get on the scales but the way my clothes fit (when I can be bothered to get out of my dressing gown) tells the story just as well.
I will try to post more regularly, please do feel free to kick me if I forget again!

Thursday, 9 November 2017

Still not dead

And haven't forgotten that I owe you loads of photos of my week away before I completely forget everything I saw and did.
I've been writing up a storm lately on my no-one can ever read this stories. My latest short story decided it wanted to be a book rather than a short story and I've been averaging between 2500 and 4500 a day. Bearing in mind that my job involves sitting at a keyboard all day and my 'I wish it was my job' hobby involves hours at the keyboard as well, I hope you can understand and forgive me for not always feeling like spending more time at the keyboard to post, especially as talking about writing that I'm not sharing is probably not much fun to read.
It doesn't mean I don't love you.
Please don't hate me for it!
I'm sure it will all go back to normal before long, and that's why I am obsessively writing every spare minute of the day while the urge lasts. Tokyo often in the past it hasn't lasted long enough, do to demonstrate my mastery of clichés I feel the need to make hay while the sun shines. Not that the sun is shining, winter is definitely here. Yesterday the car told me it was -0.5 degrees when I drove to the station in the morning, and it reached a balmy 5.5 degrees by the time I drove home again after work. Needless to say both journeys happened in the dark. I hate winter 

Wednesday, 8 November 2017


The world does not contain enough coffee to get me through today
I'm alive and haven't actually given up blogging despite much evidence to the contrary.
I will be back. One of these days

Thursday, 26 October 2017

Another great day

Again no photos yet, but I spent most of today at a local museum with my Dad. We were in East Kirkby , at a World War II airfield that is now a heritage centre - and absolutely awesome!
Only one more day of holiday 😕

I'm alive

I was going to post daily and include pictures from my days out but I'm struggling to attach photos taken with my phone to posts written on my phone... Which seems to me weird. Surely if they were taken on the phone they should practically add themselves to my posts?
Anyway I don't want to write big expanses of text with no photos when I have some nice ones, so I'll have to do those posts when I get home and back to my laptop. I didn't bring it with me because I was travelling by train not car so didn't want to lug too much around.

So for now I'll just say I'm having a lovely time and recovering quite a bit from my long time sleeping appallingly while being stressed. I love Lincolnshire.

Friday, 20 October 2017


Not just a normal Friday but also my last working day before I go off for a week. I should be happy and anticipatory but I'm grumpy and pissed off.
Last night I was sleeping peacefully  and having some weird unsettling and possibly deeply Freudian dreams but most importantly actually SLEEPING when my poor M, who was on call, was phoned up. About nothing. He was probably on the phone 5 minutes. As a result we both lay awake for over an hour. This happened at 2:25 am. I must have spent the hour lying rigidly resentfully clenched ALL OVER because I've had massively painful and soul destroying back ache all day. Painkillers had an effect - for about 20 minutes before it came back. I can't concentrate on work and I've written precisely 0 words. And I don't even care.

Thursday, 19 October 2017

And again

Nothing interesting happened yesterday. I know that doesn't always stop me, but I find posting the way I'm now forced to do it more annoying, so just appearing to say I'm alive and OK but boring is less appealing.
Anyway. I'm alive and OK.
I'm working and I'm writing.
I'm trying to avoid catching the plague in an office where the staff are dropping like flies, because a) I don't want to be sick and b) I don't want to be sick next week specifically because I have a week off and am visiting my Dad in lovely Lincolnshire. 
Cannot be sick. Cannot be sick. Cannot be sick.
I feel like a zombie today but it's not the plague, just a couple more bad nights. This morning I woke up around 3 and got back to sleep just in time for the alarm to wake me up again.

Tuesday, 17 October 2017

Oops again

I say that a lot, don't I.
I didn't post Friday because I was just so tired again. It was an OK day, with a team lunch at an Indian Street Food Cafe in Cardiff. I wanted some beer with it but hadn't planned properly and drove myself to the train station so had to drive home. The food was amazing though.
On Saturday my brother arrived and we headed back to Cardiff for the day. We'd decided to walk to the Bay area after a snack in the Central Market. Because I have no sense of direction and he doesn't know Cardiff very well we got very lost, which is hard to do in a city the size of Cardiff. We got there eventually but after rehydrating headed back again for lunch. The return trip we didn't get lost, and it took only 17 minutes. That was embarrassing 😊
By the time we got back home I'd walked further than I have for ages - 13 miles no less- and had a massive blister on the ball of my left foot. I'd bought some new trainers that are supposed to be good for plantar fasciitis but wasn't wearing them yet.
Sunday I only walked 5 miles, we stayed close to home and watched the Wonder Woman movie in the afternoon.
Yesterday I felt physical pain at having to get out of bed, I was so tired.
I did get up obviously, and made it to work and stayed awake all day. I also donated blood at lunchtime. Of course because I was exhausted before donating I ate all the carbs after donating (actually it might also be triggered by the gluten sandwich I had to eat for lunch after someone stole my pot of Houmous from the fridge - I didn't think I'd handle donating without food, and that was the quickest and easiest option)
I kept eating all the crap for the rest of the day.
I also wrote some stuff and edited some older stuff.
Today I'm not eating crap. I bought more Houmous, didn't put it in the fridge, and ate it with GF crackers. Apart from that, a GF egg sandwich for lunch and yogurt and fruit for snacks. All good.
BTW did you see the red sun yesterday? I took a rubbish photo on my way to bleed and would show you if the photo would bloody well upload. It was spooky but cool.
 ETA: finally! Red sun over the Queens Arcade, Queen Street, Cardiff

Thursday, 12 October 2017


I'm not dead, just constantly permanently exhausted all the time. Apart from a couple of hours on Monday when I tried to post and discovered that my iPhone wasn't just not supporting the blogger app anymore, but had escalated things to refuse to open it, I basically forgot I had a blog to post on all week.
Why? Well, I've been sleeping badly due to vivid upsetting dreams that wake me up and leave me stressed when I wake up - which is a perfect recipe for going straight back to sleep and staying that way, obviously. Because I'm shattered all the time I've been bingeing as well.
So all in all, I don't currently have the flu that's going around but I feel like the walking dead.

Friday, 6 October 2017

Still grouchy

This week has been long, frustrating and blech, partly I guess because of my migraine last weekend making me feel like I didn't have a weekend, then causing a groggy foggy feeling for a couple of days after, and partly because of a work related matter that I won't go into just in case someone working for the same company somehow stumbled on this blog.
Between the two above situations I've slept badly most of the week and also overeaten a fair amount. Then last night I apparently decided that the best way to have a better Friday was to get mildly pissed then be hung over in the office. Because I am a smart, educated, professional adult woman and I deal with problems in an intelligent and productive manner.
Feel free to snigger at me, I don't think I deserve sympathy either.

Tuesday, 3 October 2017


I made up for yesterday by writing over 2000 words today. It was tough getting started and I was strongly tempted not to bother again but I'm glad I didn't listen to my own excuses.
On all things not writing related I am grouchy.

Monday, 2 October 2017


Today was rubbish on several grounds.
First, it was Monday so I had to go back to work. Second, it was Monday following a rubbish weekend when I was felled by a migraine on Saturday and therefore I spent most of the weekend lying in a darkened room praying for death or at least the passage of enough time to let me take some more migraleve. And therefore it was a Monday where I had a foggy brain from the migraine and the migraleve.
Possibly because of all that it was also a Monday when I couldn't think of anything to write. Finishing the first very crude draft of a story on Friday meant I couldn't just look back a few paragraphs to get started, and I couldn't think of a story I wanted to tell.
The only good thing about today was free pizza at work. To be fair, you can't overestimate free pizza. But today it wasn't quite enough to take away the sting of a rubbish Monday.
ETA  seeing the dreadful news from Las Vegas puts that into perspective I guess. I find it so hard to believe that a 64 yr old can get hold of automatic weapons and walk into a public hotel without alarm bells going off to cause such unbelievable chaos. What an absolutely crappy world.

Friday, 29 September 2017


Well, as soon as I posted how much I was enjoying the writing yesterday it got much harder. I still managed my 1000 words, but I have to admit it was a struggle and I kept checking the word count to make sure I'd done 'enough' to stop. :-(
I suppose I can't expect it to always be (relatively) easy or everyone who ever thought 'I wonder what happened next' after reading a story or piece of news would have written a book.
Anyway, today it came more easily again :-)
To those of you who think you want to read the stories.... Ummmmmmmm... I'm not sure I've written anything anyone else gets to see yet. My first was a bit perverted and blood thirsty, my second a bit superficial and shallow, the current one maybe sometime but not yet... It isn't finished yet for one thing, and certainly isn't polished. Thanks for showing an interest though xxx

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

Confession is good for the soul

So let me confess and get it out there. You may have noticed that I haven't talked about the Mediterranean Diet experiment lately and maybe you thought it was just because I've been so involved and excited by my new writing experiment that it just didn't come up. Sadly it's actually because I've been backsliding into over eating and bingeing quite frequently. I don't even know why, given that the writing is ongoing and still makes me happy, but somehow it just crept up on me again. I told M yesterday and I'm telling you today because I want to get it off my chest. Today already went better since I mentioned it to M, so hopefully that is a pattern that will continue.
I do plan to give the Mediterranean Diet another go because I was enjoying it before and feeling pretty good, but want to stay gluten free with it - I tried re-introducing bread when I started the diet, and the gluten has me hooked again now, which generally leads to bingeing and oh, maybe THAT'S what triggered this binge-fest...
Anyhow, unlike most times I haven't descended into despair at my weak will, possibly because I have been maintaining the discipline to keep writing 5 days a week. I'm aiming for at least 1000 words a day and averaging between 1200-2000, and still loving it!

Yesterday I attended a fascinating workshop at work, on Autism Awareness. As it was a workplace session it was obviously focused on the challenges faced by people with autism in work, and the adjustments that the company can make to help with those challenges. Pretty much everyone there had some level of experience in their work or private lives, and the trainer explored the subjects that came up from the discussion, rather than rigidly sticking to his presentation, and it really was very interesting. Leaving aside the question of the condition itself, some of the suggested techniques would make for being a better colleague generally, so it really felt very beneficial. Having been a contractor for so long I haven't had opportunities at work for 'personal development' or training and it's really good to stretch my brain a bit, so I'm hoping to continue taking advantage of similar opportunities, particularly now that I know they are of a pretty high quality!

Monday, 25 September 2017

Still going

no, I don't use a typewriter. Especially a pink typewriter.
But I am still writing lots and lots. Playing with different genres, lengths and so forth.
Best time ever!
At work my slightly odd colleague asked a slightly odd question. I figure it illuminates us as to the kind of person we are and how we see life, so I'm going to ask you and really want you to answer even if you don't usually comment, OK?

Which is the happier animal: badger or mole?
Answers not on a postcard please

Sunday, 24 September 2017

I'm a bad blogger

Currently I'm writing one of my short stories obsessively every free moment I have and it's fantastic for me, I'm excited and having so much fun doing it, but it does make it hard to post about my much less exciting real life, hence the couple of missed days last week. I'm not sick or depressed, I'm just distracted. I've also had some really bad back pain, possibly from crouching over the keyboard so much lately. Anyway, must try harder.

Wednesday, 20 September 2017


Was weird and frustrating and downright maddening in the morning.
I got up as usual having not slept brilliantly - as usual - and headed off to walk to the station like every Tuesday.
As I got within probably a quarter mile of the station I saw someone walking towards me who I vaguely recognized as someone who catches the same train as me. I didn't think it was a good sign, that he was walking away from the station, and I was right. My train had been canceled. All the trains for several hours had been canceled. I catch the train at one of those small stations that are more like bus stops, there are only 2 platforms and one track running in each direction. And on that track a vehicle used for track maintenance overnight had broken down so the track was blocked. The information board in the station said they might not be running any trains till 11. This was at 6:30am.
I thought about going home but that would have meant having to take holiday because I'm not set up for remote access, and I don't have a lot of holiday left now. So I decided to catch a bus to Caerphilly, which has a bigger station with multiple tracks and more trains in hope that there would be some running from there. I didn't know where the buses stopped do I popped into the house of my mother and father in law to ask them, and my lovely mother in law volunteered to drive me to Caerphilly instead. That put me more or less back on track, unlike a lot of people I was actually only about 20 minutes late arriving at the office, which was much better than I expected.
But it was a stressful start to the day and I hadn't been feeling full of beans before that, so by mid morning I was absolutely dead on my feet. Seriously, struggling to keep my eyes open, yawning constantly, foggy brained, the whole lot. And that lasted all day and in to the evening which is why you're hearing about it now not yesterday.
I did sleep better last night but really didn't appreciate my alarm going off at 5 this morning. I need several good nights in a row and I don't seem able to get them :-(
At least the trains were running more or less on time this morning...

Monday, 18 September 2017


My weekend was really quiet and pretty boring so I won't bore you with it.
Today I finished my second draft of the short story. On Friday night it was 11724 words. You might remember I said I was aiming for 5000 words in total, so obviously I was a little over. Now I've done my first redraft - and it somehow became 12199 words! That does include 12 words that don't count - Chapter 1-Chapter 6 - but still, I think you'd agree that's not exactly a step in the right direction. Except that I think the second draft is a bit better than the first so that is a step in the right direction. 
Editing / redrafting is hard. It's not as much fun as writing either. But I'm still going to start the third draft in a few days. And hopefully start a new one in the meantime so that I can be genuinely detached when we go back to the first one.

Friday, 15 September 2017

Yesterday and secret side projects

Yesterday was very traumatic for me. You see, my name is Chrissie and I am an addict - addicted to email and candy crush. Yesterday I was switching mobile provider while retaining my number and handset. I've never done that before so when I asked for a PAC code I thought it would unlock the phone. It didn't. I didn't realize what the problem was till I'd been without my fixes for over 2 hours, at which point I used an internet form to request an unlock code from my old provider. Their website said it would be 7-28 days to get a code. I nearly had a heart attack. Then I used their online chat function to see if there was a way to cut that time short and he told me it was more likely to be 24-72 hours. They unlocked it during the night and I woke up to an email telling me it was done, thank God.
But that wasn't all the trauma of yesterday as I got home to discover our central heating wasn't working. I don't know how M knew but he can be a bit of a hot house flower. Anyhow we do have a maintenance contract with British Gas so I had to quickly book a call out and luckily, because this happened in September not January we were able to get an appointment this morning, and I'm told it's all sorted now thanks to the installation of a new programmable thermostat and receiver. So that's a relief.
And now, OK, to the side project I've been banging on about without spilling the beans...
Since I was approximately 6 years old I've wanted to write fiction and since I left university I've been starting - and abandoning - novel after novel, feeling that I just didn't have the discipline (or the talent). A few months ago during my nearly a year unemployed I had an idea - that it might be better to start with a short story instead, just to find out if I could actually follow through with a beginning, middle and end, because quite seriously I've never before written an ending and I've only written bits of the middle by writing them out of order. I didn't do anything about it at that point because I was so depressed that my attempts to come up with possible story lines only produced stuff that might well have pushed me over the top into full-on self-harm.
But today I finished the first draft of a short story!!!
I was aiming for 5000 words and it's currently closer to 11000 words, but that's OK; my plan was to just get it all down somehow for the first draft as the first step in the bigger plan. The next step is editing and redrafting, which I expect to be quite painful, but again, I've never done it before because I never got that far. I have no idea if I can get it into a form that I'd ever be willing to let anyone read (and that's not really the point anyway.) I actually stuck to it and finished it! And enjoyed writing it and was excited to do it! Unlike past efforts it never felt like a drudge and it didn't intimidate me the way writing a whole book does. And even if it ends up hidden away in a drawer I feel like it might be the start of my continuing to write fiction in some form or other. So I am a happy happy bunny right now and will be at least until it's time to try to cut out about 5000 words :-). The advice I've read on the subject is to leave it to one side for a while so that I can read it more objectively when it's time to redraft it. So I plan to pick it up on Monday...
I know it's only a small achievement but I'm so happy!!!

Wednesday, 13 September 2017


Definitely have got a cold (sniff)
I'm writing this in the evening, having taken a dose of night nurse, so I could fall asleep before hitting Publish.
Not quite yet though!
Last night was HORRIBLE. From conversations had and overheard on the train and at work today pretty much the whole of Wales spent most of the night lying awake listening to the wind and rain. Obviously I'm not suggesting we suffered anything like the weather experienced in the Caribbean and parts of the US, but the roads were littered with tree branches. And, well, OK, twigs. Still it sounded loud. And woke us up. Not M but I'm pretty sure he could sleep through a meteorite landing on the roof.
I drove to the station because I didn't feel well enough for the walk - I'm embarrassingly short of breath at the moment. 
Enough moaning about health and weather. 
I did work some more on the side project and I'm still not telling you what it is. But I'm nearly at the landmark position I promised myself I'd get to before I did tell you, so soon... Soon. I've already started drafting a rambling post about it! I'm sure if you make it through to the end your response will be "Meh. Is that it?" In which case I apologize in advance for the anticlimax and for not explaining it's significance to me properly. At least I don't plan to leave it as a cliff hanger for much longer...

Tuesday, 12 September 2017

Tuesday and Monday and the weekend

I wasn't very well at the weekend. A combination of the pain from the sinusitis, the lack of sleep because my painkillers kept wearing off between midnight and 1 am, and a sore throat and swollen glands presumably in response to the sinusitis although at the time I thought I was just coming down with an unpleasant summer cold (obviously I'm using the word summer very loosely as it's definitely autumn here in Wales)
I didn't go for any walks - in fact I drove one mile each way to park up at Aldi instead of walking, and the only reasons I went at all were an overdue library book and a hair appointment made six weeks ago that snuck up on me. The rest of the weekend was reading, watching TV and watching a movie. Pure laziness for two days.
Yesterday I still felt coldish but in much less pain so I managed to work, do my side project and make a large pan of autumn is here vegetable soup.
And last night I didn't wake up until 3am! 3! And not in screaming pain, just in normal "I'm rubbish at sleeping" mode. Today is the first day since the sinusitis hit that I haven't taken any painkillers as yet (there's still a slightly uncomfortable sensation in the left side of my jaw / teeth but nothing to what it was) 
And my side project is coming along swimmingly so I may even feel like talking about it soon. 
All in all, not a bad day today!

Friday, 8 September 2017


Last night the same thing happened again - a flare up of pain in the middle of the night to wake me up and keep me that way. Damn it. 
Ah well, luckily I had a fairly stress-free day at work so lack of sleep wasn't too much of a problem. In the afternoon we had a massive office desk move - complete chaos. Absolutely and totally insane. Sadly I don't much like my new desk - I've gone from having a view of trees to having a view of the grubby looking office blocks across the road. And it's further from the kitchen. I've been grumpy about it all day.
I've also been making good progress with my secret project so I'm actually still quite cheerful. I'm not eating terribly well though, still need to sort myself out.
We had a takeaway (curry) last night to celebrate me passing my probation and prosecco happened <3. So nice...

Thursday, 7 September 2017

A night of two halves

Well, I tried a new meditation thing last night. One of the first things she said was 'even though this is about sleep try to stay awake to the end '. That was also about the last thing I heard, so the staying awake to the end thing needs some work :-)
Unfortunately at about 1:30 I woke up in agony with what initially felt like toothache but then identified itself as sinusitis. I took anti-inflammatory painkillers but it took over an hour for them to have enough of an effect that I could get back to sleep (I spent that hour reading, not lying awake watching the clock) 
A while after that I woke up again after a vivid and guilt-inspiring dream. I'm not going to describe as I know other people's dreams are famously uninteresting :-). I managed to get back to sleep and then my alarm went off - it felt like it was about 5 minutes later but probably wasn't. (Just to be clear, I'm not blaming the meditation for all that, it just stopped me evaluating the success properly!)
Considering all that I actually don't feel too bad this morning, though I am relieved not to have any afternoon meetings to survive today. I still have a little discomfort from the sinusitis but it's much better - far more than I'd expect if it was toothache, so I'm pretty confident in my self-diagnosis. I'm not sure how well I will resist pigging out today if the tiredness catches up with me, but that is for later.

Wednesday, 6 September 2017


The nytol helped a bit. I slept like the dead from about 9:30 till about 4 am. Of course that is not enough to catch up - or even enough not to fall further into deficit. Still, best night for a week so I'm not really complaining. I have considered the guided meditation approach Diane, in fact I think you recommended it to me once before and it helped for a while. But meditation doesn't come naturally to me and it seemed to get less effective over time until I started to find the guy's voice annoying. That's no reason not to try it again and I have another one on my phone as it happens, so I'll see if it helps.
Despite my tiredness I'm pleased to still be feeling pretty positive though. I'm doing some side projects that I'll tell you about some other time, and they are both enjoyable and provide a challenge with a sense of achievement as well, which is definitely helping. So even though life is still just uneventfully plodding along, its doing quite a pleasant job of it!

Tuesday, 5 September 2017


Sorry guys (I say that a lot don't I) I didn't intend to not post for so long. I seem to have forgotten how to sleep and it's affecting my energy levels, memory and concentration. I'll be getting some nytol today....

Thursday, 31 August 2017


I've decided to try to write posts in the morning rather than the evening since I often forget to publish before I go to bed!
Yesterday was a fairly frustrating day at work - I felt like maybe one hour was actually productive and the rest was trying to look busy - I hate days like that. I walked to the station and back, and added on a bit more walking since I had a doctor's appointment after work. For months now when I request a refill of my prescription for the antidepressants they only ever gave me a months supply. It's not a dangerous drug and I don't think it would make me any money on the black market - personally I think it's because we don't pay for prescriptions in Wales and they don't want to risk giving out unnecessary drugs that will end up getting binned if people stop taking them. But my horrendous July has convinced me that I'm not in that place and may never be - so I went to talk to the doctor about getting things simplified so I don't always have to go to the clinic. It's a 20 minute walk from my house, but working full time in Cardiff, with a commute that takes between 1 hour and an hour and a half each way, makes that a lot less convenient than it sounds. Anyway, he agreed to a batch repeat approach so hopefully that will make things easier. It sounds silly but I've actually been getting quite stressed and anxious every time in case something happened to stop me collecting it on time. Not really surprising given that I was diagnosed with anxiety as well as depression. 
Yesterday's weather was much better than the forecast said it would be - we were forecast unending heavy rain but in the end not only was it mostly dry, it was even sunny - while still being much cooler than the weekend. Lovely! And although it was drizzling this morning in Cardiff there was a beautiful rainbow to get the day started off well. Add in a delicious free latte from a local coffee shop and so far my Thursday is good! 

Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Why oh why

Do mothers bring babies into their office? I'm guessing that it's because they - the mothers- want some adult conversation for a change, but it seems pretty inconsiderate to me. The office environment isn't fun or interesting for the child so it's very likely to cry or throw a tantrum, and personally I find that a lot less helpful to my ability to concentrate on the work than you might expect...
Even people who like small children are distracted and less productive so really it's not professional at all. Don't get me wrong, if you teach kindergarten or run child care it's fine, take your son or daughter to the place with similar aged children and lots of toys... But an office??? It's quite likely the poor kid will work in one some day but there's no need to start preparing them before their first birthday!!!
OK all you loving parents can hate me for my intolerant attitude if you want, I won't hold it against you. So long as you don't punish me by bringing your screaming baby into my office.
OK, whinge over, everything else is good :-)

Monday, 28 August 2017

Their Finest

Is a brilliant movie - you should watch it!

Hello all

Apologies for missing Thursday and Friday - personal stuff going on interfered with my plan to post. You didn't miss much as I hadn't got anything exciting to say mind you. Mostly just an admission that pizza happened on Friday because my company bought a bunch of them at lunchtime for every one and I was very very very very weak. 
Isn't it weird to have such a hot and sunny Bank Holiday weekend? It's too hot for my taste and as a result I've not been sleeping very well - not that that's news. I have a fan but it's developed a mysterious intermittent knocking sound so it's a choice between sweating buckets and being woken up by unexpected sounds - a perfect storm of bad nights.
Yesterday I visited my mum and as usual had a lovely day. Roast beef dinner (followed by a delicious but evil gooseberry pie) and lots of chatting. In the evening we got a takeaway since I didn't want to drive back and head straight into the kitchen, but I kept most of mine to eat today as I was still full from lunch. Apart from that it's been a quiet weekend of housework and TV watching as usual. It's an extra short week this week for me as I have Friday booked as annual leave as well as today's bank holiday. It's my birthday on Friday - I'll be mumble mumble years old - and I hate working on my birthday. We're not making plans for anything as I'm now firmly in the stage of knocking a year off my admitted age every September 1st so I don't want to acknowledge it in any particular way. But it's possible that some sorrows will be drowned in an effort to pretend I'm less creaky than I am... And that could take all week!

Wednesday, 23 August 2017


Today I walked to the station / I always do on Monday and Tuesday but usually I drive the rest of the week because after Tuesday evening's walk I'm generally feeling like my feet have had enough of that thanks very much. I thought it was time to try to build on that and it turns out I was wrong. Sigh. But still glad I tried since I could have been short changing myself.
Still enjoying the Mediterranean Diet. If I'm honest I'm not 100% there yet - the odd slip up and using up food that I can't bring myself to bin - but I'm getting there. And feeling better!
It would be nice if the insomnia would improve though....

Tuesday, 22 August 2017


I actually forgot to post last night! I was knackered after 3 rubbish nights in a row, and I fell asleep in front of the TV without blogging.
On Saturday I went on a fishing expedition (hah) into town to follow Joy and Diane's suggestions for sources of frozen fish and now I'm much happier about my prospects. Both Aldi and Iceland had some good choices and although I didn't have room in the freezer there and then I intend to stock up this weekend. I have already had tinned fish (pilchards) twice and frozen Alaskan pollack once so I'm getting into it already. Oh, and Diane - I've been obsessing over rye bread since you mentioned it :) and today I bought a loaf- just tesco but delicious! 
I've been eating lots of veg and fruit too so I am enjoying the food. I did screw up today and eat a couple of cookies someone brought in to the office - but even that is OK on this diet so long as it's a once in a while thing, which it will be. 
So happily eating on!

Friday, 18 August 2017

Friday! Friday! Friday!

Glad to hear that you think the new plan is a good one and not just a massive cop out. Earlier I was looking for a Facebook group that might be fun to join and instead found links to an article saying that the diet is only significantly healthy if you're rich.
I'm not. But I still plan to give it a go.
On the subject of the new plan does anyone have any tips on how to do include fish in the diet twice a week (or more) without having to take out a second mortgage? I'm quite happy to eat untrendy fish but really hate dealing with fish bones so they kind of have to be filleted (and I don't fancy dealing with scales or guts if I'm honest). I think that in terms of oily fish I'll be looking at mackerel / sardines / pilchards because I'm not keen on farmed salmon as a concept. And the wild stuff seems expensive - like fresh tuna. As far as white fish goes I don't mind resorting to coley or pollack. There's a really good fish stall in Cardiff market but it places an emphasis on quality (for a price of course) rather than cheapness; M suggested I go along and ask them for suggestions and I plan to do so but I'd quite like to go armed with some knowledge so I don't end up overpaying or buying garbage because they want to get rid of it (not that I'm saying they would, but everything is better if you know what you're doing in my opinion) My other thought was Aldi but I seem to remember checking the fish when I first started shopping there and not being impressed by the prices. I don't know of any other fishmongers around except possibly in the local Tesco / Asda but I leap to the assumption that it's likely they'll mostly stock the easy-sell popular (and pricey) options since they're all about volume. Any suggestions gratefully received....

Thursday, 17 August 2017


Thanks Diane, Joy and Enz for stopping by to comment yesterday :)
I'm still feeling positive and happier today - and so much more in control of my life, my brain and mood - it's great!
I've decided that although I do desperately need to lose loads of weight I'm going to ignore that for the moment in favour of trying to get healthy - and I'd quite like your opinion. I'm thinking of trying out the Mediterranean Diet / life-style. Lean meats, fish, olive oil, nuts, legumes and fruit &veg. Some whole grains (non gluteny of course) but not too much because I don't want to be too high carb although as you can see from the above list I'm easing right back on that. Once all that lot helps to fix my myriad of health and inflammation issues I'll focus more on the weight. And I will track my food from the beginning but with more of an emphasis on nutrients than calories. The Mediterranean Diet also requires regular exercise and a focus on stress management and relaxation and enjoying life. Plus moderate drinking of red wine!
So what do you think - does that sound like an OK plan? I'm a tiny bit nervous about shifting the focus from the weight as it hasn't entirely worked in the past, but then in the past when I tried it I also didn't track my food, and I hope being more conscious of my food will rein in those over the top tendencies.
Opinions and comments eagerly awaited!

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

The relief...

I'm definitely now feeling human (if bloated and massively overweight after my weeks of bingeing). This means that I'm planning another attempt at losing the weight - through diet and increased activity - and trying to find ways to occupy and use my brain so I might stave off the next attack. I know what you're probably thinking - I've said it all before - and you're right. But temporary glitches notwithstanding, you haven't really failed till you stop trying - right?

Monday, 14 August 2017


I hate Mondays.
Especially rainy Mondays.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Nearly Friday!

I was in work again today and definitely feeling much better. For the first time in weeks I didn't eat loads of crap, although I can't deny I was tempted. Still, finally feeling a little bit more myself - not just physically but emotionally too. Hopefully climbing up out of the depths!

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Back to work

I made it into to the office today and did OK - although I needed more bathroom breaks than usual.
It was a fairly quiet day in terms of work but there was one traumatic experience - my first filling in of a sickness form. It was deeply disturbing and I was reminded of one of the advantages of being a contractor - no stupid administration paperwork. Sigh.
On the other hand it was fairly good to be back in the office and have people to talk to - plus the opportunity to spend some time on the preparation for the next training session on my work related course, which I really enjoyed.
And now it's time for an early night as I'm still convalescing (I don't think that's spelt correctly is it?)

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Yesterday and today

Yesterday I went to work as usual, spent 4 hours feeling a millimetre away from throwing up on my keyboard, and then came home. Drinking ginger beer helped with the nausea and sleeping half the day helped with the headache that was bashing my brain but when the nausea stopped the other end became involved...
I didn't go to work today. I'm feeling much better now and hope to make it in tomorrow.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Plodding on

I had a more positive feeling day today, at least while I was at work. This evening though I'm in a lot of pain from my back. I spent half the evening standing up - in the kitchen, cooking and food prepping - and the rest lying down, as sitting was less comfortable than either. And although I took pain killers for it they didn't even start to kick in for over an hour. Now I'm ready for an early night since I woke up obscenely early due to weird - and very vivid - dreams. Hopefully I won't be kept awake by the back. I plan to take a nytol to help.
And reluctantly try to take Diane's advice. 
Rest. Waaaaaaaaaaaah. 

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

And still

I keep thinking I'm getting better then... Not. But this time I might be. I started a new set of work on Monday with a very steep learning curve and the days have flown by. I'm still eating crap but feeling like the urgency is wearing off, and still having back pain and foot pain but admitting to myself at least that I'm probably making both sources of pain worse with the over eating (and bad choices)
Hopefully I will start to feel human again soon...
Thanks Joy and Enz for your comments yesterday xxx

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Still alive

Still in and out of the massive depression and I can't claim to be not bingeing my way through it any more.
But on the other hand I do somewhat feel less bad because I've realized that maybe having been in pain - feet, ankles, back and a painful rash that recurs every time I get stressed and depressed - pretty much all the time for months is not a bad excuse for being depressed and failing to climb out of it.
Although its also not a good excuse for being self destructive and probably making all the above worse. But I can't seem to help myself....

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Bloody BT Part II

I spent about 45 minutes on the phone to BT yesterday between a couple of calls and the second person I spoke to repeating the tests that the first one had done. Most of that time was taken up with them repeatedly implying it MUST be our equipment not theirs / or a screw up on their side (and repeatedly stressing that if it was down to our stuff the engineers visit would cost us £129.99.)
It started working during the night. Unless M became a sleep walking telephone engineer and somehow achieved feats he's not capable of awake, that wasn't due to anything WE did... I keep picturing someone working nights at the exchange realizing that a switch had been switched off that shouldn't have been and taking 0.25 seconds to flip it back on....

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Bloody BT

I got home from work today to no internet connection. We have BT Infinity broadband so that isn't supposed to happen. I spent most of the evening on the phone and the earliest they can get someone out to sort it is next Wednesday. A sodding week away. M thinks they probably did something stupid at the exchange and it will 'miraculously fix itself' between now and then. Hopefully he's right because at the moment we're relying on his mobile phone acting as a mobile hot spot. My phone doesn't get a good enough signal in the house to be able to do it so when he goes off to work I'll be internet-lrss and screwed if it doesn't come back.
Bloody BT 

Monday, 24 July 2017


How is everyone?
I'm.... Struggling again with the depression thing. So far I haven't binged or got totally plastered, though I can't claim to have made the best choices the last couple of days. I've been prone to getting tearful and being very negative about things, as well as overly sensitive about imagined criticism. Sigh. The crappy weather in Wales didn't help (torrential rain most of Friday, some torrential showers Saturday, grey and dreary Sunday) and nor did staying shut up in the house most of the weekend. 
M asked me on Saturday what I thought would help make me feel happier... I literally couldn't think of anything at all. Yesterday wasn't AS bad and today was a little better again, so I have no idea what was going on in my brain or why it's improving now. That lack of a clue is really frustrating...

Thursday, 20 July 2017


What to say, what to say...
I had a day of presentations and meetings today. Some of them were quite interesting as such things go but it doesn't really lead to an interesting post. I didn't go out at lunchtime - I'm having more foot pain this week so I'm resting it as much as I can. I'm slowly getting my eating back under control - I lost it a bit after Fridays afternoon do and the sheer exhaustion I was suffering from pretty much up until today. Nytol has been my knight in shining armour on that front and I'm finally not feeling so fatigued. Hopefully I'll get back under control on all fronts and be able to make progress again on the food, getting more active, and generally feeling healthier.

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Wednesday already?

We had some light rain last night but no storm as far as I can tell. It carried on being grey and dreary - and muggy - today as well, but waited to actually rain until I left work. Luckily even then it was fairly light and unconvincing rain - no-where near what the farmers and gardeners are looking for.
I slept much better last night with the help of another nytol. I know it's only intended for short term use but I'm still playing catch up and every evening it seems to hit me like a hanner - I'm barely awake now. So I'll keep taking it for a day or two more. Must go now zzzzzzzzzzzzz 

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Tuesday.. I think

I've been struggling to get any sleep for days now and yesterday it really caught up with me - hence the placeholder post last night.
We last spoke on Friday, just before the great cheese and wine tasting - and it was great. I was mingling with people I didn't know well - some I'd never met before and others I'd had only the most casual and superficial contact with. Unless you just dropped by today for the first time ever you'll know that's not really my comfort zone. I struggle to make conversation at the best of times and being the new girl with lots of people who already know each other isn't the best of times in my world. But I work with a lot of nice, friendly and funny people and it turned out I could make conversation. And it wasn't even conversation about work either. Plus there were some incredible cheeses and excellent Welsh beer - and it finished just after 4 in the afternoon so I wasn't even out late. In fact I caught the train only 15 minutes later than usual. Much better than any other Friday afternoon in the history of working.
When I got home (I wasn't pissed in case you wondered) we had a takeaway and I had one more beer.
Saturday we completely rearranged our living room - involving lots of furniture moving and back pain. Sunday we finished off a few bits and I managed a short walk - with more back pain. And no sleep.
Monday it really caught up with me. I very nearly fell asleep at my desk in the afternoon and found myself grazing on lots of carbs all day. I fell into bed by about 8 and (with the help of nytol) managed a reasonable nights sleep finally.
Today I was still quite tired but kept it under better control. The morning wasn't disrupted by a desk move (why do companies insist on doing those? It just gets in the way of the work.) and I'm now sitting at exactly the same desk I started out at when I joined the company. Exactly 3 months ago today. With another possible desk move on the not too distant horizon.
I just took another nytol so I'm going to go to sleep now... Zzzzzzzzzzzzz 

Monday, 17 July 2017

Friday, 14 July 2017


Posting now because there's no way I'll be up for it later.
Today we're having a summer work do involving cheese and wine (or beer) and a paid afternoon off. We're leaving at 12 and not eating till 1:30 (alarm bells ringing already). 
I will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues. 
will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues. 
I will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues.
I possibly should have practiced drinking beer when I knew this was coming.

Thursday, 13 July 2017

Sometimes I do myself no favours...

Like when I'm depressed and choose to wallow in it instead of doing something to feel better. Like when I'm depressed and lonely and curl up on my own instead of finding company or even posting. Like when I'm struggling with the diet thing because of an unhappy weigh in and 'decide' to binge.
None of those things apply today by the way. But I'm bored because of a quiet time at work and have been for a few days now. When it started I went around asking people for work and they gave it to me and it was good. Until I hit blockers on several bits of said work that left me hanging around waiting for other people to sort things out so I can do my thing. And I seem to have run out of 'chasing it' steam (partly due to inhibitions about being seen as a nag) so I'm just sitting around being bored and letting nothing happen. Pathetic. Although I'm possibly just being more like a permie than a contractor who feels the need to constantly demonstrate value to the customer. Anyway whatever I'm bored.

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Tuesday and Wednesday

I didn't post yesterday because I was knackered after another poor night and fell asleep a little unexpectedly.
I slept really well last night though so feel much better today!
Yesterday it drizzled as I walked to the station and then it rained - hard - for most of the day, with an extra spurt just in time for the walk home from the station. I had an umbrella and wouldn't have been too badly off, except for the land rover that sprayed me with 1000 gallons of puddle water 15 minutes from home. Then I crossed the road and two more cars sprayed me on the other side. At least I was dripping symmetrically I guess...
Today was dry, possibly because all the rain in Wales had fallen on me already. It was also muggy and cloudy but you can't win them all.
Work was boring today. Yesterday it was slightly less boring as I was asked to help a new baby tester find his feet for a couple of hours before handing him off to a colleague. He should have been sitting with me again today, but he never showed. I know I moan quite a bit about testing but I didn't realize it was quite that bad!
By home time I was desperate to get out of there so of course the train was running late. And Cardiff was really annoying because Coldplay are performing here - and some idiot decided to put the stadium right in the centre of Cardiff to ensure maximum annoyance and disruption for every event. Thank goodness nothing is happening tomorrow, that's all I can say. 

Monday, 10 July 2017

Happy Monday.

Yeah, right. Today was a very Monday-ish Monday again and the weekend went far far far too quickly.
I had a worrying amount of pain from my left foot today, from half way through the walk to the station till roughly lunchtime. A horrible burning sensation even when I didn't have any weight on it. I was not a happy bunny at all... Especially as I was knackered after nearly no sleep.
I hate bloody Mondays.

Friday, 7 July 2017

A little bit cooler today

Yesterday blogger fid it again and I couldn't bring myself to try to go through it again. It was a day of meetings at work and heat on the train, behaving pretty well with the food etc. See, boring!
Today was frustrating in terms of work - lots of waiting for other people to do their part. That's not criticism, it's a fact, I need a developer to write the code before I can test it and I'd run out of written testable code.
I popped out at lunchtime - it was quite a bit cooler than it has been, but the city centre was infested with religious people trying to make me fear for my soul. The Jehovah's witnesses were quiet and unobtrusive, but there was a gang of seemingly American missionaries with microphones were shouting about evolution and sin and whatnot. While everyone walked past and ignored them, me included. Strange how you never see these people out preaching on freezing cold February afternoons...
Food still good!

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

I can't be doing with this heat

It was about 17 degrees by 6 am and around 25 when I left work. I know that if millions of people read this there would be millions of people saying "you don't know what heat is! 25? Pfft." Whatever. 25 degrees on a crowded train (the one before mine was cancelled) is TOO MUCH. No air con. No noticeable breeze. Lots of people. HATE HATE HATE.
It made me feel quite ill - luckily M picked me up so I didn't have to walk / crawl / crash my way home from the station. I still feel dodgy now with a dehydration headache. How long till autumn?
I didn't quite stick to my food planning this evening due to the above - I added a protein bars to settle my stomach a bit. It worked so I have no regrets.
Now I'm going to try to get some sleep... The fan is on and the bedroom doesn't feel too bad. But today I miss my air conditioned car. Sigh.
PS I defeated my evil blogger app (the official Blogger one) by saving this post every other sentence. Must check out Enz's suggestion because that's already getting old....

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Blogger ate my post. Twice.

It wasn't an exciting post but it was longish.
To sum up:
Work - pretty good 
Food - pretty good 
Foot / feet - pretty sore 
Weight - heading in the right direction 
Weather - lovely evening after dreary start.
And... You're all caught up! Now I must go smash my blogger app against a rock 

Monday, 3 July 2017

Another Monday

We finished the gravel on the garden on Saturday morning and I started spraying weed killer on the tufts sticking out around the edges on Sunday morning so we're virtually there now - although I expect it to take a few treatments to finish the tufts off. 
Sunday was a glorious looking day but so hot I didn't feel like going for a walk - so I didn't bother. Today and tomorrow I have to walk to the station anyway and I still have enough pain (although definitely much improved) not to feel like pushing it and maybe setting things back. This afternoon was also lovely and the walk home was quite pleasant all in all. I'm pretty knackered though having woken up somewhere around 2 again. I wanted a really early night - like 8 year old child early night - but I'm trying to hang on a bit longer in the hope that I do better tomorrow. It doesn't usually help but I'm so so tired...
I have to admit I had a depressive dip over the weekend again. I think I'm doing better now and I didn't break my diet or anything - but I was very irritable and snappy and I don't know which came first - the lack of sleep or the bad mood. On Saturday evening I basically retreated into the spare room to be alone and unsocial because I couldn't handle conversation and M wanted to discuss stuff and plan stuff and involve me - none of which I felt up to doing. 
I need to reclaim walking for pleasure or introduce some other form of exercise because there's no denying it helps with that sort of crap. I also keep thinking I should try meditating or something but a part of me resists the idea and I don't know where to start. All I do know is the weekend was a reminder of how low I can get and although I have come back up now I'd like to have an action plan for the next time. 
Do any of you meditate? Or have suggestions for therapeutic exercise that maybe doesn't involve too much strain on the plantar fasciitis? Except weights - my right elbow is protesting the work I did on the garden.
Good God you wouldn't know I'm only 45 would you....

Saturday, 1 July 2017


Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was do tired by the evening I just fell into bed around 8 and passed out :-)
I took a day's annual leave yesterday intending to get more of the garden gravelled but didn't manage to - we're selling my car to my father in law (hence the walking to the train station a couple of days last week) and we discovered that the last time I parked it in the train station car park a tree splattered it with sap. As I didn't notice for a few days it was firmly dried on and I ended up spending the whole day trying to get it off with hand sanitizer and surgical spirit. It's not perfect but it's vastly better - and it was very hard work. And now I get to spend today on the gravel again, after hoping it would be finished by now and I'd be free to just enjoy a normal weekend. Sigh.
Foodwise I was pretty good but did have a beer last night. Just the one!

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Staying strong

Another OK day today in terms of food and lack of drinks. I avoided temptation all day by simply staying away from the shops, restaurants etc in Cardiff - I stayed in the office at lunchtime and stayed away from some cakes and doughnuts too!
Work was quiet because the guy who sits next to me is on holiday - started today for 2 weeks. On the one hand I like chatting to him and felt a bit isolated without him there; on the other hand he is a football fanatic and I did NOT miss the lengthy conversations between him and his fellow fanatics on and off throughout the day. I think next week I'll use my mobile to listen to classic fm if I get bored.
I did make some good progress on several little bits of work though, which was mildly satisfying - so all in all not a bad day!

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

Better today

Thanks Diane and Joy for your comments on yesterday's post - you're very right and I have done my best at moving on today. No long walk and no bingeing. Someone at work brought cake in today and I wasn't even tempted!
I have decided to keep my food diary on myfitnesspal instead of here though since I'm inhibited from posting if I don't want to 'fess up to being a bad girl! See, this is why I've never joined a slimming club, I know that if I had a bad week I'd just stop going to avoid the weigh in!
Weatherwise this was a dreary, grey, wet day. But also muggy and just a bit too warm for my waterproof jacket. No temptation to walk AT ALL and that may have helped with the not bingeing as I didn't want to go out and therefore couldn't shop. 
I stuck exactly to my planned eating today and feel good. Quite possibly largely because I owned up and because that helped me get some support. Must remember that next time... As there will no doubt be a next time...

Tuesday, 27 June 2017

Small confession

You might have noticed I didn't list my food yesterday - or over the weekend. This is because on Saturday I had some booze and then binged on chocolate and gluten and all things sugar. Then yesterday I binged on protein bars?!?!?
I think Saturday it happened because I didn't increase my calories on Friday or during the day on Saturday to reflect all the work I was doing. And yesterday for the first time in months I walked to and from the train station as well as through Cardiff to and from the office - a total of 5 miles - and again tried to do it on the same calories. Plus being too hungry by dinner time because I got home later due to the time taken to walk home instead of driving. It took me until this morning to realize that was probably the reason rather than just general wimpiness and inadequacy. Since today I did something about that by eating more calories earlier in the day (I did  the increased walking again today you see)
But... Even with that cunning plan I'm still not talking about my food today 

Monday, 26 June 2017

Big catch up

Last week - Wednesday and Thursday - I was feeling a bit crappy and run down and just didn't feel like doing anything - or posting about not doing anything. 
Friday was a different matter. I booked the day as annual leave so I could take delivery of 4 tonnes of flint aggregate to destroy our lawns with. And having taken delivery, I spent about 4-5 hours shifting the flint and spreading it out over weed suppressing sheets over the back lawn. I stopped roughly an hour after I started wishing I was dead, fell into a bath for an hour and then fell into bed straight after dinner. No way on earth I could have found the strength to post, I barely remembered my own name!
There was a bit more on Saturday but we'd underordered the aggregate and we're running short, so it wasn't nearly as horrendous a day. There was even more again on Sunday but a much shorter day again before there was no point doing any more. We have another massive bag arriving on Wednesday that will allow us to finish off at the weekend.
From Friday till now I've been aching like the unfit lump I have become and it will probably wear off just in time to start again. All I can do is convince myself it will be worth it when I don't have to mow any more...

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Hot hot hot

OK, I'm ready for things to cool down a bit thanks very much.
Travelling home on the train today was extremely unpleasant - particularly given that the train kept stopping for interminable periods at the various train stations along the line. OK we actually arrived about 7 minutes late so not really interminable but it certainly felt like it at the time...
By comparison the temperature in the office was wonderful as the air conditioning is pretty good on our floor. But it was 29 degrees by the time I left work and I would have been happier if it had been maybe 8 degrees cooler. Luckily that's supposed to happen by Friday!

Food today 
Breakfast : zero carb pancakes spread with Aldi soft cheese with smoked salmon and dill
Lunch : chicken leg with vegetables 
Dinner : bacon, leek and mushroom scrambled eggs with green salad 

Monday, 19 June 2017


I guess summer finally got here... Sweltering is the only word for this weekend. And today was even hotter.
My father in law spent this weekend building us a deck in the front garden - his idea. I was really worried about him - it's in a corner that is basically a sun trap all day long - and according to an ornamental ceramic thermometer I have out there it was about 105 out there. I spent the weekend in and out taking him bottled water from the fridge and asking him to come in to cool off. In the process despite factor 50 sun cream on his face and factor 30 everywhere else he got sunburned in the places he missed. It isn't finished but we're hoping it cools off a bit in a few days so he can work on it some more without taking his life in his hands.
On Saturday morning I walked into town to test my foot (still plantar fasciitisy) and I felt pretty damn rough by the time I got home - and for the rest of the weekend -with the heat. I did however sleep better than I managed last week.
Today I was quite happy to be at work with the air conditioning, although my day was frustratingly bitty. Travelling on the train wasn't the most fun I've ever had,and when I got home I had to mow the lawn. See if you can guess who forgot the sun cream despite all the moaning about the heat...? I wasn't out long enough to burn badly but I did pick up what I try to call a healthy glow... Must remember that tomorrow...

Food today 
Breakfast : hard boiled eggs and ham mayo 
Lunch : roast chicken leg with vegetables and Caesar salad dressing 
Dinner : roasted chicken wings and Brussel sprouts 
Snacks : tiny bag of pork scratchings 

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Still not sleeping brilliantly

I think it's simply because it's so light in the mornings. To block the light out I'm wearing an eye mask but it shifts while I'm sleeping and that's enough to disrupt my sleep. Especially if it shifts enough for the plastic piece you use to adjust the fit to dig into my ear. I'm sleeping more restlessly - I used to wake up in virtually the same position as I fell asleep, now I wake up with my bedclothes wrapped three times round me. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually.... Right?
The project I've worked on most of the time since starting my job went live today - and so far went very smoothly, for which we all have been getting lots of positive feedback, which is really nice for us. Today we were brought celebratory Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Once again I held my atkins position and turned them down. They felt smug for a while, which was also really nice for me.
Add to that the fact that I made some good progress on the training that I'm doing and I had a pretty good day really, although as is the way of testing I did have some very frustrating times as well. Not boring though!

Food today 
Breakfast : naked boring hard boiled eggs 
Lunch : ham and vegetables
Dinner : homemade beef burger with broccoli 
Snacks : cheese of course 

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Still knackered

I fell asleep in about 3 minutes flat last night but woke up early again. Around 3am. So frustrating! I sat in on a demo this afternoon and my struggle to stay awake was epic, even though the demo wasn't particularly boring. I made the mistake of sitting on a window seat, the sun came out and warmed my back and... zzzzzzzzzzzzz
The morning I spent not achieving much, and the afternoon was a mixture of frustration and boredom. The honeymoon is definitely over... but its still not a bad place to work.
now I need to try to sleep again....

Food today 
Breakfast : hard boiled egg and bacon mayo (forgot to mention I made homemade mayonnaise at the weekend)
Lunch : tuna mayo (I like homemade mayo, can you tell?) with mixed veggies 
Dinner : tofu, mushroom and spinach stir fry 
Snacks : cheese of course 

Monday, 12 June 2017

Monday. Why????

I've been awake since 2 this morning and I'm absolutely knackered. I spent the whole afternoon yawning cavernously and holding my eye lids up with both hands. And the day lasted 206 hours. Just the work part.
So I didn't do anything exciting and have nothing really to say...

Breakfast : hard boiled eggs and a leftover turkey burger
Lunch : chicken and vegetables 
Dinner : lamb chops and vegetables 
Snacks : rather too much cheese 

Friday, 9 June 2017

Well that was a great big mess

Massive anticlimax too, even though it should really be an enormous upset. I think I'll just give up on the whole politics thing, it's not worth the effort. It just leads to brexits, Trumps and division. Boooo hiss.
Of course very little else was talked about in work today or yesterday - a strong argument in favour of unemployment /retirement if you ask me.
Nothing happened of any interest yesterday and not much today either. I'm still sticking to the Atkins thing - I even looked at a box of doughnuts at work without being tempted and gave M some chocolate muffins baked by his mother without feeling any struggle whatsoever so yay! Although I'm constipated and run out of energy earlyish in the evening - understandable enough at this point I think. 

Food today 
Breakfast : eggs. You know what kind of eggs 
Lunch : pork chop and broccoli 
Dinner : chicken breasts in lemon-butter-cream sauce and spinach 
Snacks : precooked bacon and a mini cathedral city cheddar snack.
Not really enough veg, especially salad, but I was rebelling against the food prep thing 

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Peculiar day

Or peculiar evening anyway. Work was fine, the weather was a bit better - dry apart from a shower just as I was getting home, but sunny most of the day. Unfortunately still that strong unpleasant and cold wind most of the day as well.
This evening now I was terribly inefficient and muddled. I was in the kitchen prepping food allergies day and continuously forgetting things, mistiming things... M claims his oven chips (yes, cordon bleu cooking) nearly broke his teeth because I forgot to put some veg on until the chips were technically cooked... It was ridiculous! I think I eventually managed to cook dinner for today and prep breakfast and lunch for two for tomorrow but I wouldn't be surprised if I missed something altogether. I really need to come up with some serious short cuts for all this, which so far escape me...
Food today :
Breakfast : hard boiled eggs and mixed salad leaves (no kale)
Lunch : pork belly with mixed salad leaves 
Dinner : pork shoulder steak with broccoli and cauliflower 
Snacks :homemade pork rinds and precooked bacon 
Oh my God, so many pig products!!!

Tuesday, 6 June 2017


Windy cold and damp morning today.
Windy dry and cold by lunchtime. 
Basically windy all day, with occasional sunshine breaking through and mostly grey skies. I was glad to be indoors. Except when I had to go out at lunchtime, when I just wanted to be back indoors.
Work was fairly busy, I started a new piece of work and just as I was deeply involved in wrestling it into submission the last project grew fangs and tried to bite us in the bumper. Interesting times...

Food today:
Breakfast : hard boiled eggs with salad leaves, Cucumber and mushroom 
Lunch : roast chicken thigh and drumstick with salad leaves 
Dinner : pork shoulder steaks with vegetables 
Snacks : precooked bacon strips (bought not precooked by me)

Monday, 5 June 2017

Inconsistency is my middle name

I'm still not doing brilliantly at the whole daily blogging thing am I? Luckily I'm doing better at the consistency of sticking to the Atkins diet - and it's going well so far. Also I'm enjoying it so far (apart from today's breakfast - see below) although I can't say I'm feeling the benefits of cutting out the inflammatory foods yet. It's early days though I suppose.
I fled Cardiff at 3-ish on Friday and was glad of it since the city was already filling up by then. I then ignored the football (as I have spent years perfecting my technique) and just spent the weekend doing weekendy things. I walked a couple of miles Saturday morning in my usual experimental way and was disheartened again about the lack of measurable improvement in my foot. Or in fact feet - the right one has been getting worse, presumably due to doing more work when the limping sets in. On Sunday I did hardly anything. Except reading the horrible news of yet another terrorist attack on London. I saw something earlier that described terrorist attacks on 'soft targets' as the new norm and it does feel horribly like it...
Today I wrote approximately 100 test cases. I'm not even exaggerating - except when I say 'wrote' since it was more like 'copied an existing script 100 times and tweaked them all in annoyingly nitpicky ways. It was both tedious and frustrating / stressful but now it's done anyway.
This evening I had a lovely hot bath while reading an excellent Sci fi novel and now I'm going to have an early night. It has rained most of the day and I can hear it still hammering down - lovely!

Food today:
Breakfast: hard boiled eggs with spinach (so far so good) and... Kale. Kale. I don't care if it's a superfood, it was disgusting. I guess it needs slathering with half a pint of dressing to make it taste good - which I didn't 
Lunch: roast chicken thigh and drumstick with spinach, Cucumber and mushroom salad. Plus quite a bit of dressing that I bought at tesco and the last few bits of the kale because I don't like wasting even horrible food.
Dinner: roasted belly pork with a big pile of veggies.
Snacks: homemade pork rinds.

Thursday, 1 June 2017


Cardiff is closed for the weekend - unless you're one of the 320000 people expected to show up for the match on Friday. The level of disruption is amazing, some quite major roads have been closed since yesterday and the police are out using facial recognition units on Queen Street today. As a non football fan I intend to steer well clear of town from the minute I can escape work tomorrow until Monday morning. With all the excitement going on it was easier than usual to resist going out and about today at lunchtime. My feet were still painful when I got up this morning although it did wear off quite quickly, so I was very motivated to take Joy's advice today. 
I've decided to give The Atkins Diet a try as I am more satisfied and comfortable on a lower carb diet. I didn't decide that early enough to shop for it last weekend so this week I'm just trying to reduce my carbs down from the excessive levels they have reached even though I can't follow it religiously just yet. I started lowering my carb intake a couple of days ago and I'm feeling better already. Except that as part of the change I'm cutting back on caffeine and I'm yawning my way through the day...
I did a bit of overtime today working from home. It went well apart from connection issues that meant it took about 40% longer than it should have. Now I'm knackered and ready for bed...

Food today (I didn't forget)
Breakfast: hard boiled eggs (yes, I know...) with cherry tomatoes, red pepper and sauerkraut 
Lunch: homemade broccoli and cheese soup 
Dinner: chicken wings and sautéed Kale with garlic and smoked bacon lardons 
Snacks: homemade pork rinds, smoked sausage and cheese 

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

My feet hurt

Both of them!
Self pity rules 

Monday, 29 May 2017

Where did the Bank Holiday go?

I had a 4 day weekend and feel like I only just left the office at the end of last week.
I didn't do a great deal over the weekend - Saturday I got my hair cut and bought a pair of incredibly unsexy orthotic trainers. I walked to do these chores and spent the rest of the day in pain from the foot as I once again overestimated it's recovery. Yesterday I went to visit my mum for the day. The drive was fine because most people were still away for the weekend. We went out for a Sunday lunch and chatted a lot (OK I talked their ears off) and my brother popped over as well, so it was great. After I got home though things went a little wrong with a takeaway, beer and chocolate.
Today was quieter. My foot was pretty good but my ankles were bothering me for a change - part of getting used to the trainers I guess. I did some shopping but drove rather than walking. And we spent the afternoon watching a marathon binge of the last series of How to Lose Weight Well. Now I'm so motivated you wouldn't believe it! Today my food has been angelic and no alcohol either. No exercise either of course, but that's OK.

Friday, 26 May 2017


I wasn't in work today. I had a doctor's appointment just before 10 to discuss my foot and decided to use a day's leave rather than rushing to catch the first available train after the appointment. He confirmed that it is plantar fasciitis and his advice was all along the lines that I've been trying so far - which was both a good thing (reassuring me I was neither making things worse nor wasting my time) and a bad thing (no magic wand being waved to fix it instantly). He did prescribe me an anti-inflammatory to take for a couple of weeks though. Also he pressed and squeezed my foot to check it wasn't anything else and it complained for the rest of the day.
I had decided to make the most of having a 4 day weekend so I got a Tesco delivery first thing and decided to go to the library and get my hair cut while I was out. Sadly when I arrived at the hairdressers - one of those 'appointments not always needed' places - it was packed, so I'm still limping around looking like a shaggy dulux dog. I'll have to try again tomorrow.
After all that I forced myself to mow the lawn for the first time in almost a month. It was bright and sunny and baking hot and we've now decided to get rid of the lawns altogether - so tomorrow I'll be ordering weed suppressing sheets and tonnes (literally) of gravel or similar to cover them. It will be a nightmarish job, but I'm very sure we'll be glad we did it. I only wish I could snap my fingers and it would be done. If anyone knows any cheap suppliers of gravel etc by mail order please let me know! It's going to cost a fortune!

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with spinach and mushrooms (yes scrambled, not hard boiled!) on GF toast 
Lunch: leek and potato soup and some of those pea snacks 
Dinner: salmon and new potatoes 
Snacks: too Damn many! A raw cashew bar from Aldi, some melon chunks, some dried fruit and nut mix 

Thursday, 25 May 2017


Beautiful summery sort of day today and very warm. Unfortunately I'm big enough at the moment to be less comfortable in the heat, but I'm taking that as extra motivation. I wore a skirt to work instead of my usual jeans and felt rather self conscious all day, which was a little depressing but probably served me right. Maybe if I'd worn more skirts over the last year I wouldn't be this heavy - I only owned one skirt that I can actually get on and be able to go outside without getting arrested until I bought a very cheap rather hippyish long skirt at lunchtime today, and I really resent spending any money on clothes at this size as you know.

Food today 
Breakfast: have a guess, go on...
Lunch: today's tinned soup was tomato and basil. I've never been a fan of tomato soup but wanted to give it another go. Yeah - nope. Also a cashew nak'd bar 
Dinner: roasted chicken wings and butternut squash noodles with red pesto sauce 
Snacks: I had a small amount of Aldi lighter granola sitting around so I finished it off with a little semi skim milk. And fruit. And pea snacks and a small ice cream lolly because they were being given to us in work and it would have been rude not to.

Wednesday, 24 May 2017


Bit of a headache so...

Food today:
Breakfast: hard boiled eggs, tomatoes and fruit. I'm not as obsessed with eggs as you might think, they're just the most portable and precookable breakfast protein I can think of and I don't want to eat at home before I leave for work 
Lunch: a tin of beef and vegetable soup and another hard boiled egg
Dinner: a homemade burger (no bun obviously) with broccoli 
Snacks: fruit and pea snacks of course 

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Because I said I'd track my food

Breakfast: hard boiled eggs and cherry tomatoes; fruit 
Lunch: tin of carrot and coriander soup with 0 % total Greek yogurt and some fruit 
Dinner: ribeye steak with garlic Spinach and broccoli
Snacks: the same baked pea snacks. And a solero ice cream lolly because I was starving when I reached the train station. It fits into my calories so no regrets.
No alcohol.
Still too much fruit...

Sad Tuesday

Its difficult to think of anything to say after the horrific attack in Manchester last night. I certainly don't feel like moaning about being bored or having a pain in my foot! 
So sad. So terrible.
I went to university at Salford and spent most Saturday mornings in the Arndale Centre when the IRA was still bombing English targets, including Manchester. I was in the Arndale once when it was evacuated due to a bomb scare. 
I will never understand extremists or terrorists. I don't want to I guess. 
So sad for the victims and their families and so proud of the people who are trying to help them.

Monday, 22 May 2017

An almost painfree day!

My foot has been much better today, which is nice. Especially considering that I realised yesterday that my 'resting' of it has still been averaging 2-3.5 miles when I go out at lunchtime (the two miles is when I only walk from the station to the office and back, so I can't do anything about that, they won't let me move the station and refuse to open an office next door to my house 😒)
You might have guessed from the above that I am no longer driving to work. Yesterday I drove to Cardiff early in the morning so I could actually buy a 12 month season ticket at immense expense (but still very good saving compared to buying daily) so now I'm committed. Today on the way home I was punished by the 'mysterious 10 minute sitting ona train in a train station without explanation or apology' phenomenon that all train commuters know well.
At the weekend I realised I was becoming a bit depressed again. Through some together time with M and a little sunshine (it's finally stopped raining) I think I've managed to stave it off for now, though I don't know how long for of course. The early warning sign was the apathy that led to me not bothering to post for a few days last week. So clearly I am feeling better today despite being thoroughly bored with the specific testing I am STILL doing at work.
I am also now feeling much more motivated to lose my weight. I want to start tracking my food on here again though I don't know if I'll stick to it.
Here goes:
Breakfast: Egg salad (hard boiled eggs, a little new potato, red onion and smoked pork sausage with mayo)
Lunch: tin of chicken veg soup (I'm ashamed not to be cooking all my lunches but I'm going through a stage of being fed up with all the food prep for work)
Dinner: baked chicken breast with roasted broccoli & asparagus
Snacks: Aldi baked pea snacks (malaysian curry flavour); fruit; cold meat
I'm eating too much fruit at the moment because the office buys fruit by the crate 4 days a week and I can't resist it when it's right in front of me. But there are worse faults. I wanted chocolate and didn't have any.  Not even stealing M's protein brownie supposed healthy low carb snack.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Uneventful days

Haven't had much to say the last couple of days - work was OK but not exciting, it has rained constantly for days so I haven't been tempted to leave the office during the day or the house in the evening. So at least my foot is getting lots of rest. I've been traveling by train instead of driving to Cardiff, which has been less stressful. I've been making more effort to eat more healthily - without obsessing over weight (even though I'm still enormous). Mostly I'm just ticking along.

Monday, 15 May 2017


And a very Monday-ish sort of Monday too...
I haven't been feeling very well off and on all day  - just physically, no depression. I went for my first slightly longer walk since deciding to rest my foot yesterday; when I got back it was sore and it has been bitching at me this evening but it was pretty good most of the day, which is a relief.
This morning M woke me up as always ridiculously early and I was up by 4. He was on the road by then though so I was luckier. It was drizzling this morning, pouring when I went to the post office at lunchtime and hammering down when I stopped at the doctors surgery after work to collect my prescription. It was cold too, so I guess we're into summer now after a rather lovely April. Hard to believe that the weekend before last I caught the sun.... Anyway, I'm falling asleep so I just popped by to say hello..  Time for an early night!

Friday, 12 May 2017


I was busy with real work yesterday after the training course. The testing we're doing is quite intense but boring so although the day doesn't drag the way it did before I started working on it, it doesn't fly by like it did on the course either. We are making progress though, which is the main thing I guess.
I drove to work and back and my drive home was really quite annoying. Minutes after I left the car park I was stuck behind a bus and that really slowed me down through the Cardiff bit - there was never room to go round it so I had to stop every time it did, and wait for the passengers to do their thing. I don't know if traffic was heavier for some reason or if I was just later reaching the key points of the journey because of the bus, but there was something slowing me down pretty much across the whole journey after that, with several points where I was definitely in much bigger queues than usual. So when I finally got home the last thing I wanted to do was cook or spend more time in front of a pc / laptop. We ordered a takeaway and watched fairly mindless TV until bed time.
And now it's Friday!!!!

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Day 2

Day 2 of the training was better than day 1. When we finished yesterday I hadn't completed the days task, but given I got to work at 7:15 and the training didn't pick up again until 9 I was able to fight my way through at my own pace - very much slower than the training course pace - and get there in the end. Then today's topics weren't as hard - or possibly he'd dumbed it down when he realized we were struggling with it. In addition I had a chance to discuss it a bit with the two other attendees on this session and another colleague who did it some time ago. One of the people doing it this week was a developer, so technical, and had worked in that programming language in the past; the other two people I spoke with were testers and both agreed that it was going right over all our heads. Just knowing I wasn't alone in my bafflement made me feel better! And the day flew by again.
I'd gone in on the train in case the course overran because I really didn't want to fight through even heavier traffic than normal, so my journey was fairly stress-free. I realize that's not a common description of travelling by rail - or public transport generally - but I was lucky. So all in all today was definitely a better day!

I'm so thick

My training session yesterday kicked my ass and there's more to come today. The day flew by with me in a constant state of fear and panic trying to catch up. I can't remember anything, but intend to refresh my memory before we start again at 9.
Wish me luck!

Monday, 8 May 2017


Binged this evening. I was tired and tired of my stupid foot and I comfort ate until I had stomach ache as well.
Very smart, Chrissie, you're a genius!

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Friday (late)

I was very busy at work yesterday and gave myself a headache by the end of the day. My own fault but I wanted to get something done, didn't quite manage it but did get a lot done anyway. I only took 20 minutes for lunch too, which I spent racing to a Tesco express for a few bits.
My drive home yesterday was the best yet do I'm somewhat more hopeful that I'll be able to continue driving most of the time - especially while I'm resting my foot as much as I can. I bought some orthotic inserts for my walking boots this week and while they still feel a bit weird, not as comfortable as the boots were before my feet started crumbling, after wearing them for just two days I'm already feeling less pain. Of course that could just be down to all the resting. But God! I'm bored with not walking! This better not last for months!

Thursday, 4 May 2017

Wednesday and Thursday

Sorry again guys, I'm finding myself struggling to find the time to post at the moment. I leave the house just after 6, get home just after 5, and spend my evenings on cooking and food prep (when I'm not doing outdoor hoovering) before crashing because I find the drive home quite stressful and tiring. (Also inspiring drinking a bit to relax) 
However the journey has been improving through this week - I haven't taken the same route twice - and I hope I'm getting more used to it generally as well, after months of barely taking the car out of the garage.
Work is still going well although after spending the last five (work) days on the same repetitive and intense task I've had enough of that and am ready for a break. How do people keep going for years???

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Back to work

I drove to work today - and back again, obviously. Like last week the drive in was pretty great and the drive out... wasn't. It was much better in Cardiff and then went to crap, forcing me to decide to try a different, ostensibly longer route tomorrow.
Apart from that today was pretty good. As much as I hate to admit it after my virtually inanimate weekend my foot felt a lot better today.
At work I was busy all day and the day whizzed by. And I got an opportuntiy to register for an internal training course that could be very useful to me.
At lunchtime I had to go to the post office to send off a couple of items I sold on Amazon marketplace. That was probably the low point of the day since the post office was typically packed and I was queueing for aaages....
When I got home I mowed the lawn. Didn't really want to, but it was overdue at the weekend and I used my agonising foot pain to justify putting it off, and it had gone 2 weeks unmowed by today. It wasn't as horrendous as I expected after the delay, because for a change the grass was genuinely dry and didn't clump up in an attempt to kill my mower.
And then I had some wine
Not a bad day all in all...

Monday, 1 May 2017

Holiday weekend

Well, I followed advice and didn't walk all weekend . I went to the library on Saturday (about one mile each way) and DROVE to the Aldi car park rather than walking. Aldi is less than 5 minutes walk from the library (albeit up a fair few steps on the way, down a fair few steps on the way back). My foot hurt. Less than a quarter of a mile and my damned foot hurt. So yesterday and today I didn't leave the house. Today I didn't get dressed! And I am officially in danger of going stir crazy. According to a site I read about plantar fasciitis earlier '95% of people recover in under a year without surgical intervention'. In UNDER A YEAR??? Not only would I go insane if I didn't walk properly for that long, but I will weigh slightly more than a double decker bus if I lose the only form of exercise I have been taking. I suppose that means its time to find some other form of exercise. Non weight-bearing. Not walking or running or hiking or mountain climbing.

Friday, 28 April 2017


After my drive home yesterday was so much less good than I hoped I got home to bake a cake for today's bake sale. Did I briefly consider buying one instead? Maybe... Very briefly. But I resisted and made the flourless clementine cake. It wasn't my best effort due to hurried stress baking but still went down quite well at the sale. After baking the cake I went to bed and tossed and turned all night; I was so sleep deprived that I had a splitting headache all morning.
I took the train today because I didn't fancy adding bank holiday traffic to the rubbish traffic I experienced yesterday. Because of the headache and lack of sleep I abandoned my original intention of driving to the station and just hitched a ride with Min the morning. The train ran like a dream, but walking home after work was pretty painful - my left ankle and foot are acting up big time at the moment. I think I may have plantar fasciitis but that's a self diagnosis based on googling my symptoms so it could be something else altogether.
During my first two weeks at work I have been eating appallingly due to a combination of the uncertainty of a new position, the novelty of the shopping opportunities in Cardiff, and the fact that I keep messing up my food planning - hardly surprising after being free to improvise my meals for so long. For once I'm not inclined to beat myself up over it as it has been just part of the adjustment process, but now I need to get things under control. Especially as my current weight can't be doing my ankle / foot any favours. Wish me luck!!!

Thursday, 27 April 2017


One hour 10 minutes to drive 16 miles.
16 MILES!!!!


Sorry I forgot to post yesterday. At work I actually did some work - for the first time in almost a year! It made me tired :-) It also made me hungry. As I walked home from the station I emailed M to demand a takeaway and stopped on the way home to buy some beer to accompany said takeaway. I still spent time in the kitchen prepping lunch and breakfast for both of us for today, and shortly after eating dinner I collapsed - which is why I didn't post.
This morning I drove to work since my concessionary pass for the car park came yesterday. The drive in was fine, though even leaving home at 6:15 the roads weren't as quiet as I hoped they'd be, but driving home this evening will be the real test.
In other news winter is definitely back - yesterday it was so cold I couldn't bring myself to go out at lunch time (the contrast between the heating in the office and the temperature outside was just too much) and this morning the car informed me it was -1.0 degrees. It's come with beautiful sunny spells interspersed with total cloud cover so it's really unpredictable and annoying. At least I now have an option to cut out the walk from the train station (assuming the drive isn't too horrendous)

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Bad start to the day

I use an iPad apologize as an alarm. Last night it crashed and as a result didn't wake me up. Usually I would still wake up pretty much as early but I'd had some wine and some Night Nurse so... I had been planning to walk to the train station but when I finally woke up it was already time to leave, so I had to rush around madly getting ready and drove to the station instead. It was so cold I wasn't entirely sorry - even less so when I looked out of the train window at the hailstones bouncing off the train.
Today I was running some tests - rerunning really, with no pressure other than the desire to get ready for the real work. It made the day pass much more quickly and I enjoyed it (novelty value!)
I had a very short walk at lunch but mostly my exercise was just the 7 minute walk from the station to the office and the 7 minute walk back again. Ah well...