Wednesday, 7 December 2016

I fell asleep and then it was today

OK, that's a lie, I didn't just hibernate for a week and a half. I spent most of last week feeling just under the weather enough to not do anything (except sometimes eat crap and lie in bed all day) and couldn\t bring myself to write about it. Then on Friday we lost internet and I spent all day on the phone trying to fix it, so was too stressed to write anything.
Then on Saturday I visited my Mum, which was restful and lovely except that it was worrying and sad to see how much pain she is still in all the damn time. Because of the constant chronic pain we didn't go anywhere, she insisted on cooking for me (I asked her to last time I saw her, but she wasn't in pain then - I felt really guilty as she worked on it and helped as much as she'd let me, but she's very independant and it wasn't a great deal.
Sunday was a big fat lot of nothing. I had a bit of a headache and didn't walk far or watch movies.
Monday I watched Batman v Superman AND the 2016 remake of The Jungle Book. The Jungle Book was really good despite my initial 'eh, another classic movie wrecked by a remake' reaction, Batman v Superman was watchable enough. But I watched in Jungle Book in 3D then had eye strain for the rest of the day.
On Tuesday I was reading the side effects of my antidepressant and contraceptive to see if they might be responsible for a slight problem I'm having, where I discovered that yes, very possibly for that problem (sore boobs, sorry for the TMI) but also - the antidepressant can cause back pain and joint pain. I may have mentioned my bad back once or 10,000,000,000 times the last few months, but with my history of back trouble never considered whether there might be more to it. I've also been having stiffness and pain in both ankles every time I get out of bed or stand up after sitting too still for too long - I attributed that to laziness, old old old age and possible very-long-walks-associated damage or arthritis. Now I'm left wondering if I'm actually causing the pain every time I pop a pill, and if so should I go back to the doctor and ask him to change it AGAIN, bearing in mind how well some of the pills have (not) agreed with me. Why do (some) medical matters seem so incredibly difficult to sort out? Also, does anyone know of an antidepressant that suppresses your appetite, increases your energy level, and causes the weight to fall off you because if you do I'd like to hear about it.
Yesterday I started a new hobby, something I've always wanted to do in that wishy washy 'I wish I could...' way that never involves actually looking into it or trying to do it. I've always wanted to draw, and I've now borrowed a book from the library on drawing fundamentals for talentless beginners (that may be its title) so I can give it a go. I did a couple of exercises yesterday which proved I am indeed a talentless beginner, whether I manage to keep it up is highly debatable given my track record with hobbies other than reading and TV watching, but I hope I will - it would be nice to feel I could be creative and its portable enough to take with me if I work away etc. Who knows, maybe sometime I'll post a sketch for your amusement (I mean that literally) if I do.
Anyway. Sorry I vanished for so long. Will try not to do it again, but can't promise, especially during this time of limbo / upheaval. Now I must go draw on a thing.


  1. Write it, tell us, we can help you, we are here for you and good for you learn something new it doesnt matter if it is a miserable failure the fun is in the learning. Sorry there are no magic pills to cure life. Grit your teeth it will all come right in the end. I know I have seen hell and come back there is always hope.

  2. Same as Diane said really, with love and hugs.
    J xxxxx

  3. And from me too. Life can be a major pain in the butt at times, but as my lovely Mum used to say - it beats the alternative.
    If you ever source those magic antidepressants...
    Hugs, Deniz

  4. This is a hard time to stay focused for a lot of us. You've got friends out here in internet land! Just hang on!