Friday, 30 September 2016

Still can't think of a title

I think I'm starting to come out of my sulk now, because I am not 6 years old anymore and need to act my age. Do I? Don't wanna.
So just to recap, this has been a week of some depression and a lot of anger at the rubbishness of life. Pointless of course, but that's never stopped me.
Monday - didn't leave the house AT ALL 
Tuesday - dashed to the library, went home and stayed there
Wednesday - two shopping trips so walked 5 miles 
Thursday - one shopping trip followed by going to Curry Club at the local Wetherspoons where I was very good with the food but too much booze was consumed (HI Enz and Joy, yes it was definitely pissed drunk not angry :-))
I enjoyed myself quite a lot though M was disappointed because they'd taken his favourite curry off the menu. On the way home afterwards I started out hanging on to his arm, then decided to let go and walk independently, managed a few steps and then fell over on someone's lawn, completely slow (but irresistible) motion from my perspective, ending with a slightly melodramatic roll on the grass. I think they must be right about drunks not hurting themselves as I just lay there giggling for a minute then got up and managed to stay upright the rest of the way home. No bruises or stiffness today!
No hangover either, which amazes me - and really isn't deserved. 
So I'm feeling not too bad today. Hopefully it will last a while....

Thursday, 29 September 2016

No title

I'm very pissed and happier than I've been all week 

Wednesday, 28 September 2016

More moaning

I'm losing the will to go on
1) with trying -and failing - to lose weight 
2) with trying - and failing - to get a bastard job

Unfortunately 2) is not optional whether I lose weight or not 

Damn it Damn it Damn it 

Tuesday, 27 September 2016


I am sulking at life.
(What passes for) normal service will resume at some point probably 

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Bad day

Bad bad mood, stomach cramps and backache.
Roll on menopause 

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

What day was it? Oh yes, Wednesday

When I got up this morning my back felt ok so I started the day with a (gentle and inefficient) training session. I then considered going out but decided against it as I was still having some over the top food thoughts. (Instead I stayed in and did laundry.) Later I realised why - TTOM - and also realised that this was why I was feeling a little emotional and had stomach cramps and lower back pain (that didn't feel like a training or bed making injury). I really didn't feel like I could face people at any level, no matter how superficial. I received a delivery at lunchtime and just opening the front door felt like a mission.
In the afternoon I quietly and antisocially mowed the lawn before going back indoors to hide from the world again. 
Sometimes outside is just too... outside... and too full of people, noise and stuff. This was one of those days.

Tuesday, 20 September 2016


So embarrassing... First thing this morning I decided to change the bedding. That meant putting a super king size duvet into a super king size cover - and in the process I managed to do something painful to my so very annoying back.
This was before I trained - and as a result I didn't train. Between that and the gloomy weather I didn't go out today - apart from taking the bin out ready for tomorrow's collection.
The most exciting thing I did today therefore was finish my Ancient Greeks course. Once I've finished the other one I'll start another - I'm enjoying having something to occupy my brain.
At least I didn't comfort eat....

Monday, 19 September 2016

Another Monday

Well, I had a rubbish Saturday and an ok Sunday. That's enough about the weekend I think.
Last night I forgot to take my antidepressant which was very naughty and probably contributed to a very patchy nights sleep with weird dreams and restlessness. As possibly did the beer I drank yesterday.
I got up at the normal time today and inhaled a gallon of coffee before anything else. Then I trained for 40 slow and gentle minutes on the climber (I was aching all over all weekend from carrying / dragging heavy crap around on Friday and didn't want to overdo things - but did want to get my muscles working).
Today was the dreaded hair cut day - about 2 weeks overdue if you want to insist on being accurate. Last time I had it done there was a screaming toddler telling the whole solar system how much he/she/it didn't want to be there but today it was weirdly quiet and I was actually the only customer till almost the end - it was great, though not enough to make up for the hair cut experience itself.
In addition to the training I walked about 4 miles today - rather boring as it was just to the library and Tesco, and on my second walk I got rained on which was lovely. At least it gave me a solid excuse to not mow the lawn.
I also watched a really good movie - The Theory of Everything. Wow, just wow, Eddie Redmayne was absolutely incredible as Stephen Hawking and I cried buckets throughout (possibly partly because of the forgotten antidepressant last night) All in all not a bad day apart from being really hungry all day after the training - but I didn't binge. I just fantasized about devouring an entire gluten free carrot cake. And didn't.

Friday, 16 September 2016

What the?!?

I know I warned you I'd be moaning about the weather again today - are you sitting comfortably?
This morning at 2:30 I woke up startled by something - I wasn't sure what until the flash of lightning. That was followed by another thunderclap - and another. And another. You get my point. The storm lasted until around 4 and was close enough and loud enough to defeat both my earplugs and the white noise sounds of my fan. Then it started again about an hour later and didn't stop till after 6am. I considered going back to bed but by then I was hopelessly awake so I settled for significantly more coffee than usual and skipped training.
I had my Tesco delivery just before 10 and then went for a walk to check out the location of a house we're considering moving to. Another move. Another rental.
It was barely raining when I left home but started pouring down when it was too late to be worth going back. So I walked in total for about an hour and a half in the rain. As I'd already made a couple of attempts earlier and been defeated both times I walked 7 miles and got thoroughly drenched. When I got home I made lunch and then collapsed - walking in the rain seems like so much more effort because it's so much less fun. Of course after I was well and truly settled back in the sun came out and the late afternoon was gorgeous. Tell me that I shouldn't take it personally if you can :-)
These were taken when the sky paused for breath. You can still see what a glorious morning it wasn't. I was going to try to photograph the rain but didn't want to drown my phone.

I will admit that we were luckier than places like Maidenhead, Newbury and Didcot - not really that far away, and flooded in places....
My back aches a little this evening - perhaps from hunching over against the rain?
Oh, I completed Week 7 of my Financial Markets course this afternoon as well.

Thursday, 15 September 2016


Yep, still moaning about the heat - what can I say, it is really uncomfortable for me especially as I'm so much heavier again.
Today I trained (only 20 minutes - I'm alternating between 20 minute HIIT training and 40 minute steady training to help build up my endurance without (hopefully) injuring myself or knackering myself as I did last time I started up again) before walking into town to collect my nice new glasses, then mowed the lawn (hating every sweaty minute) and collapsed for a couple of hours before walking to Tesco. In total, including the climber and the mowing, I apparently managed 7 miles despite the heat, which actually makes me pretty happy. But I am oh so ready for the cool wet day we are forecast for tomorrow... Yes, of course tomorrow I will be complaining about the constant light drizzle, but in its own way that's got a charm of novelty after all this life-sucking unbearable heavy heat. Bring on the rain! (I can say that now I've mowed the lawn)
No change on the job front. I hate this.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

And again....

At 5am it was 22 degrees in my house. How can that be? Why oh why???

I still managed to train this morning. I'm horrified by my current level of fitness mind you - considering how much I walk. But it does prove what 'they' say is true - fitness is so specific.

I hid indoors with the curtains shut for most of the day. I did pop out to Tesco and still the time was planning to follow that by mowing the lawn - but didn't because by the time I got back into was a puddle of sweat and no longer cared about the shaggy grass. I'm drinking water by the gallon and praying for a cold wet day at the moment. Unfortunately tomorrow is due to be more of the same but I have to go out in the morning to collect my new pair of glasses so I won't be able to follow my inclination to just stay in the shower. All day. Ah well... Winter is coming (probably)

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Wow it's hot again today

I'm not a fan of these late heatwaves - not when it reaches these temperatures anyway.
This morning I was unexpectedly inspired to get on the climber for 22 minutes - the first time in months. As always I felt great afterwards and wondered why it had taken so long. As always I'm determined not to let it go so far again - and probably will :-(
After training I had a scintillating morning of housework a walk to Tesco. I had hoped to do more walking but it was too hot so I didn't bother. 
On the plus side I'm feeling a lot better today. A slight sniffle remains but the 3 day headache is gone and my right eye feels more like an eye and less like a swollen pulsing supernova (slight exaggeration - but it has been aching lately)
My back hasn't been at all sore today and in addition to my morning training I did 20 push ups. OK in two sets of 10 several hours apart, but I have to start somewhere. And I am sooooo unfit right now....

Monday, 12 September 2016


My weekend was really quiet - I mean REALLY quiet. M was away from Thursday to Sunday visiting his parents so I had plans for lots of walking but between the stomach issues from Thursdays carb binge and a relapse into the cold I was moaning about last week I didn't leave the house on Friday or Saturday and only popped quickly to Tesco on Sunday. The weather was so hideous on Saturday I wouldn't have wanted to go out anyway.
After M got back on Sunday morning we watched a movie that neither of us had seen before - Citizen Kane. I'm not sure I believe it's the best movie of all time, but we enjoyed it and the two hours sped by, which is always a good sign with a movie.
Sunday evening I had really bad back pain that felt like I'd been knifed in my left kidney, which luckily disappeared over night.
Today was pretty dull. As always Monday is my housework day so cleaning and hoovering started the day off unpleasantly. After that I went to the library and Tesco where I was unable to pick up some Night Nurse for the House of Sneezing and Sniffling, so I had to head into town in the afternoon. Now I'm Sniffling and occasionally sneezing and hoping this bloody cold clears up soon... I suppose one good thing about being unemployed is the ability to stay indoors (medicine supply permitting) without worrying about work...

Friday, 9 September 2016


I've put myself on lock down today so I don't have an opportunity to go shopping for 12454566 lbs of refined carbs again. Of course it's lovely and sunny out so I may yet decide to go for a walk, but without any money. At the moment I'm still feeling a bit dodgy after going well beyond sane eating yesterday. I'm really quite embarrassed at my behaviour but reminding myself that over all I am bingeing less often these days.
I do think that this relapse started out with my body asking for more calories so it could fight off M's germs but my weird bingeing brain got the message all twisted up and triggered very unhealthy behaviour. At the moment the idea of eating anything sugary is literally and actually nauseating so hopefully it will be easier from now on. 
Stupid brain. Stupid body. Stupid (lack of) will power.

Thursday, 8 September 2016


The last couple of days I've eaten all the carbs in the universe - all the carbs there have ever been, or ever will be.
I don't feel well.

Monday, 5 September 2016


M has man flu so I'm coming down with a cold.
Over the weekend he coughed sneezed and sniffled his way through the days while I walked 10 miles on Saturday and then started to feel congested on Sunday. Today I'm still a bit congested but also coughing and sneezing occasionally. Which, if I was a man, would have me predicting my imminent demise.
This morning I walked to the library and Tesco where I bought several items of junk and had a mini binge, for which I am blaming the cold. Obviously my body was demanding carbs so that it could fight off infection. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. 
Later I would have liked to go back out but had to stay in for a gas engineer who was coming to check that the gas boiler and hob were safe to use. Apparently they are, so that was a relief. Shortly after that M got home from work and the suffering started. I might sound unsympathetic... I do, don't I? But I think colds bring out the bitch in me simply because they're so damned noisy. I could be a total angel of mercy if he had a nice quiet broken bone or something... Sigh. I guess my sniffle is down to Karma.

Friday, 2 September 2016

Thursday the 1st

Yesterday was my birthday, and I had plans for long walks etc. Then at 5 in the morning M told me he'd ordered some flowers to be delivered that day, and I had to stay in till they came - which didn't happen until 2pm. By which time I didn't have the time for a long walk, or the inclination. So it was a quiet day spent mostly indoors apart from a short walk to Tesco after the delivery so I could buy some birthday booze. And birthday chocolate.
In the evening we ordered a takeaway, I'd originally planned to try for something fairly low carb but by the time we ordered I'd drunk one glass (one! I'm such a lightweight) of Prosecco and my inhibitions were lowered enough that I went really quite high carb. It would have felt hypocritical to get a low carb dinner anyway given that I'd eaten chocolates anyway.
By bed time I'd had another couple of glasses of Prosecco and didn't have the energy to post. But as you can see I didn't have much to say anyway.
Early on I was a little frustrated at not being able to go out in the sun (it was a beautiful day) but overall it turned out to be relaxing and pleasant. And the most exciting thing that happened was again wildlife related - no killer spider spottings, but mid afternoon while I was chatting to my Dad and his OH, I wandered into the kitchen, glanced out the window - and found myself in a staring contest with a squirrel about a foot from the back door, sitting on the lawn. It sat there taunting me until I tried to take its picture, then ran off as soon as my camera phone was pointing at it.
I think its been in there before, and that time I did get a picture, though it may have been too far off to show up....