I was down and sad all week and I binged more days than not - some of the time gluten free and some not, culminating in having pizza Thursday night, finishing the pizza for breakfast on Friday and then eating approximately 1 ton of gf cake for lunch. With a side of crisps and sweets.
I could feel myself getting fatter and fatter and was scared to weigh myself - in fact I still haven't risked it. I was sleeping really badly (of course that's nothing new) and feeling really empty and apathetic - not sobbing my eyes out distraught but definitely depressed. I started several posts about how awful I was feeling but each time just didn't have the energy to click Post.
Yesterday I decided that even if I felt like shit I should at least try to dig myself out of the pit. I decided it was time to start tracking my food again - and plan to record it even if I binge again. I also decided to start taking that tracking much more seriously by weighing everything and recording my planned meals in advance so that I know where I stand.
I planned my entire day on myfitnesspal first thing in the morning. Then I went out for a walk before the forecast deterioration in the weather - and walked 11 miles, far more than I've managed for months.
In the afternoon we watched a movie, and in the evening I spent a couple of hours talking on the phone to my father in law, who has some personal experience of depression both in himself and in others near to him.
It certainly wasn't a perfect day - I drank some whisky in the evening - but it was the best day for a week. Now I need to do it again.
One day at a time.
And hopefully the constipation won't last too long....