Tuesday, 15 December 2015

I didn't want to go into the office today

But I went out and got in my car and started driving in anyway. You know, being a grown up and doing the necessary rather than desirable thing.
I realised exactly how deep in my subconscious the 'don't wanna' went when I drove past my turn off for the M4 and then, instead of staying on the same A road towards Reading that would still get me to work, took a turn off onto the M4 that was heading towards London instead of Wales! I had to drive to the next junction (which of course involved some time in a traffic jam), turn around and drive back. It added 20 minutes to my journey (which in the morning generally takes only 25 minutes) and I still ended up in the office. So conscious mind > subconscious mind and only I was inconvenienced.
But that doesn't happen when I work in my living room. Just sayin'.
I went for a walk at lunchtime in a light but persistent drizzle. I didn't really mind it and it kind of matched my mood since I am just a little bit... Subdued? Not really depressed like before, but not entirely on a new even keel either. Somewhere in between. 
I didn't binge today but didn't eat to plan either - I had a sausage roll for lunch and the pastry wasn't gluten free. I don't feel terrible for it but if you could hear the weird noises my stomach is making right now you'd probably agree I need to get over this apparent desire to destroy my digestive system. I don't know why I'm suddenly back to craving things that I know will do more harm than good but something strange is going on in my head. Or stomach. Maybe both. It's kind of tiring...

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