Monday, 23 November 2015

Bloody Monday AGAIN

One reason I know that my brain hasn't adapted to the antidepressants yet is that I have no interest in doing most of the things I generally enjoy doing - cooking, walking, posting on here... But I'm reading obsessively for comfort (it was always my favourite activity as a kid) even if I don't necessarily take in / remember everything I read - or even most of it. Still, I haven't fallen apart in a sobbing ball for over a week so I guess there's pros and cons.
On Friday I worked from 7 till 4 then from 5 till 7:30 (and that hour in between involved several checks of my work email and instant messaging chats with colleagues so not really a break) and when I finished I was shattered, and fell straight into bed to read until I couldn't keep my eyes open - about half an hour. Saturday I did virtually nothing all day - certainly no walking - and then yesterday I did some more of that again. 
Today I'm back in the office and have realised that I feel more depressed the minute I walk through the door into the construction site that is our office - even before the noise starts up. It doesn't help that this morning my corner of the office had no working light and the whole place had been unheated since Friday. My car claimed it was -2 this morning and the office didn't give me any reason to doubt it. Sitting at my desk in the dark wearing my coat got the day off to a great start.
Apart from extreme apathy all weekend I didn't feel too bad but today was definitely a bit of a set back. I was miserable and uncomfortable at work all day putting on a mostly cheerful face for as long as I could stand then sticking my ear buds in and listening to Classic fm when I started to get really sick of the totally trivial bullsh*t being spouted by some of my colleagues endlessly... At least I can listen to the radio in an emergency.
We've all been ordered to take selfish with our smartphones and send them to the marketing department tomorrow. Even contractors. At the moment I'm thinking hell no - I'm allergic to being in front of the camera and currently feeling way too ugly (not even to mention the overgrown hair I can't be bothered to have cut). Of course I'm too wussy to make a big thing of it do I'll probably just passive aggressively 'forget' until I'm reminded by someone senior and then take an ugly scowling photo that will be deleted the moment it hits the marketing woman's Inbox.
I hate my job.

1 comment:

  1. :-( Much love and many hugs heading your way.
    J xxx

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