Monday, 6 July 2015

Give me strength...

I'm a moron.
On Friday I decided that starting the whole 30 on a Friday was a bad idea (that it would be harder than it needed to be) so I would start today and just be fairly normal over the weekend.
Well, I did start today - but if the stuff I ate over the weekend was normal for me I'd be dead or super morbidly obese with type 2 diabetes and any other health problems you can think of. I binged for 2 days running for the second time. I was actively being self destructive too - looking for things that I knew wouldn't make me feel good. And I topped it off with too much booze yesterday so I started today hungover.
You've probably gathered that I've been kind of down for a while even by my standards and I'm not good at looking after myself properly at those times - but this definitely qualified as punishing myself /inflicting pain on myself and I really am not sure why I went there. Any how, at midnight I was taking painkillers to stop the hangover fairy from drilling a hole in my skull and at 1:15 I was throwing up. Which was horrible but probably for the best as I only felt mildly hungover instead of 'kill me now' hungover when I got up 20 minutes late this morning after sleeping through my alarm for literally the first time in my life.
So the detox started at breakfast time and will continue for 30 days minimum - possibly longer because I seem to be a slow learner.
Not all the weekend was bad by the way. On Saturday I went for a very enjoyable walk around 7am before it got too hot and because it was cool, was able to walk 14 miles (actually about 10 or 11 early then a second shorter walk later on). Yesterday I walked about 9 miles. Both were exploring new places which kept things interesting. It's possible that I didn't fuel properly and that fuelled the binges - like I said, slow learner. Hopefully next weekend I'll keep the activity up without the idiocy.
Work today was a blend of tedium and back pain; I did walk at lunchtime and that was as always the best hour of the working day even though I felt very slightly nauseous a couple of times and had sore calves a few times - toxin build up in the body maybe? What matters though is that I behaved myself today - all day, even through that period while alone in the kitchen when I'm often tempted to nibble. And the fact that this was less due to self-control than to the memory of 1:15 this morning isn't relevant.
So are you sick of me posting that I'm a binging moron yet? Yeah, me too. Fingers crossed that I won't be doing so again for a good long time...

Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs
Lunch: homemade oxtail soup
Dinner: Pork Bolognese with zoodles & a side salad
Snacks: half an avocado

1 comment:

  1. Not sick of you, just wishing it wasn't so very, very hard.
    J x

    ReplyDelete