Friday, 27 February 2015

Last day

I finished my contract today and was sadder than I expected which probably means I was in danger of becoming institutionalised there. Although it could also just mean I've been working with nice people for a year and will miss them.
I didn't plan to do the obligatory cake /doughnut buying thing but in the end I did, as a sort of apology for being too antisocial to go for leaving drinks /pub lunch, and by doing it I had a reason to get my 2 mile walk in - a much more enjoyable walk than yesterday due to some sunshine and no rain. Although it seems to have gotten colder again as the cloud cover cleared. I ate one cookie - white chocolate and raspberry - just to join in :-) and thoroughly enjoyed it without in any way wanting more than one.
I left work around 2:30 and when I got home, thought about getting back on the climber.... But it was sunny, so a walk was more appealing.  I walked another 5 and a half miles, exploring. I also did 50 push ups before work. I still didn't probably burn off all the calories in the cookie, but I felt a lot better for it! In the evening we got a takeaway to 'celebrate' the end of my contract - that wasn't on my menu plan, but I needed it. I'm slightly surprised by how much leaving there bothered me, but I've actually worked there longer than anywhere else so I suppose it's not that much of a mystery.

Food today:
Breakfast: bacon and eggs
Lunch: Chicken salad using leftover chicken adobo
Dinner: Chinese takeaway - salt and pepper chicken wings followed by kung pao chicken and rice. And yes, some chips as well.
Snacks: cookie; toasted coconut flakes.

Thursday, 26 February 2015


 Today was my last opportunity to go for a lunchtime walk with my colleague as he's working from home tomorrow - so of course it was wet all morning. We discussed whether to risk it or not and both decided it didn't look too bad. So off we went....  And after I got back, despite trying to fit my entire body under the hand drier in the ladies room, I spent the rest of the afternoon wearing jeans that were wet from the knee down along with a damp wool sweater. Still worth it though - given it was my only chance.
I also did 45 push ups in the morning before work and 25 in the evening. I'm not sure if I feel suddenly energised and inspired or if I'm having a nervous breakdown. It's not likely to last very long knowing me so I'm not pacing myself, I'm going to make the most of it while it does last.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with mushrooms, tomato and onion
Lunch: homemade broccoli soup
Dinner: chicken adobo with broccoli (I may be turning slightly green around the face)
Snacks: pate with cucumber; Greek yogurt and fruit. No chocolate, gluten, added sugar of any kind...

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

I'm so tired I think I'm delirious...

My deployment finished at 10:45 last night - so relatively early.  However I'd been having problems with my eye again during the testing and had a pounding headache by then, so I had to take painkillers - usually at night I prefer to see if I can sleep it off without pills, but it just felt like that wouldn't happen. I then forgot to change my alarm so it went off at 4:45 this morning :-(
Anyhow, shortly after hauling myself out of bed I found myself donning a sports bra (and other training gear) and getting on the climber for 20 minutes. Given the length of my time off it and the decision to change my former on it that was as much as I could manage, and I only did that because my body was upright but my brain was still in bed....
At lunchtime I went for a walk in the hope it would wake me up a bit. It didn't really but it was quite mild and intermittently sunny so a fairly pleasant couple of miles anyway. And I deliberately left my purse behind to avoid any temptation to buy any extraneous food. Which was lucky because I walked past a fish &  chip shop that smelled really good.... So after work I repeated the process, going for another 2.5 mile purseless walk on which I found a local nature reserve (very bleak at the moment but promising for better weather)

I also did some push ups. All the physical activity that I hoped would wake me up instead left me drained...  But but but - I didn't eat chocolate or gluten or crisps today!!! The main, if not only advantage exercise has for me when I want to lose weight is that it makes me less willing to screw it all up eating crap. Though sometimes it makes me hungrier. Not today happily.

Food today:
Breakfast: gf roll with chicken and bacon  Lunch: homemade carrot and ginger soup soup
Dinner: crispy chicken livers with salad

Snacks: pate with cucumber; Greek yogurt and fruit

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Some good points, some not so good

I still failed to resist chocolate today but I think I'm finally sick of it.
I did walk almost 4 miles and also did 20 push ups.
Today we found out we were getting all our deposit back on the last rental - slightly unexpectedly as we thought they pretty much always find something to charge you for, so that was good.
And I have a deployment tonight at 10pm.  Less good. Possibly I should really have persuaded them to let me off since its my last week.
People at work have started making sad noises about me leaving. I'm sad about it myself, as despite a lot of moaning it is one of my favourite places to work with some great people. It's nice that they aren't looking forward to me going either.
Still having pain in my eye. Definitely not good.

Food today:
Breakfast:eggs scrambled with gammon, mushrooms and onion
Lunch: homemade broccoli soup
Dinner: chicken salad
Snacks: pate with celery; Greek yogurt and fruit. Deposit celebratory chocolate.

Late Monday post

I meant to post yesterday as usual but wasn't feeling great - mainly more pain in my eye, plus a headache probably linked to that - so although I worked from home I didn't do anything else requiring computer use - reading or writing blogs. I also walked less than a mile and ate some chocolate to make myself feel better. Actually the thing that seems to help the eye feel better most effectively is whiskey, but for obvious reasons I can't really do that as much, so chocolate seems a better option. :-)
Anyway. My weekend was a total food crapfest with lots of carbs and a fair bit of gluten (I know, I know, what else is new...)  but also some planning and lots of walking and exploring the area.
Even though I had chocolate yesterday, I'm not letting the planning go to waste (once again I stuck to eating everything on the plan, I just added the garbage)

I have a meal plan for the week:

Monday: Roast Gammon with oven chips and sauerkraut
Tuesday: Chicken salad
Wednesday: Crispy chicken livers with salad
Thursday: Chicken adobo (thighs in slow cooker)
Friday: Pork tenderloin with Asian pb sauce, rice and veg
Saturday: Chicken salad
Sunday: Chicken roast dinner

Snacks also planned for the week: 150g per day of Greek yogurt; 50g of (bought) Brussels pate with veg

Friday, 20 February 2015

Those who fail to plan...

I'm feeling a little bit better about things today, mainly because of the kind comments from Diane and Joy yesterday - thank you both. I love the idea of living like a dog (the living in the moment, not so much the sniffing butts) and definitely think that's a healthier - and happier - mindset than my current gloom. I think the gloom comes more naturally to me, but I want to work on that!
I do generally write menu plans and even stick to the plan (apart from the odd subversive Takeaway suggestion) for the main meals of the day - but I've never done it for the snacks that I seem to need between the meals and I do think that is a major contributor to my current position. I bought crap from a vending machine because I was hungry and had nothing to hand. Then that became a habit and then, as a result, it seemed OK to buy that sort of thing in shops even when there is a choice, and now here I am. I need to expand my planning. Considering how much better my shopping and meals go with a plan (when there is no house move screwing things up) I really shouldn't have needed a nudge to pick up on that, but mindfulness is not something that comes naturally to me. Because I'd rather escape into a book (or a bag of mini eggs) than focus on the chaos within my own head /life.
First step towards planning snack foods - identify the snacks that fit into my planned lifestyle: chopped veg with homemade pate or dips. (the chicken liver pate in my freezer at the moment is a bit too aromatic, I have eaten it at work but feel guilty when I do - but that's no reason to ignore it at weekends)
Pork rinds (homemade)
Yoghurt (plain Greek) alone or with berries
Cold meats
Soup I guess, but that doesn't appeal while eating soup for lunches as well
I would include fruit but after thinking about it a bit I do tend to want sweet foods even more than usual on Tuesday and Thursday - the two weekdays when my current office provides free fruit baskets - so I need to cut back on fruit I think. Sad for me.
Hard boiled eggs - more appropriate at the weekend I guess, a bit smelly for the workplace.
Toasted coconut flakes - I have half a bag somewhere, not sure where as it's been shoved into a cupboard to get it out of the way. Must find it this weekend.

I could add gf baked goods but I don't think that would be helpful while trying to clean my food up. Maybe later.

All this rambling doesn't guarantee anything will change obviously but it is helping to get my head a little bit straight and prepare for a more productive period ahead. Hopefully. Also. I feel better when I don't turn inwards and deny /hide the overeating /binging unhealthy behaviours.

Thursday, 19 February 2015

I suck. Again. Or still.

Where did the sun go and what's with the rain? It's been a lousy day today. At lunchtime it was pouring down so I didn't leave the office. I wasn't feeling brilliant before lunch with a headache plus some nausea, so fresh air might have helped but sitting still and reading a book had to do the trick.
Oh yes and eating crap. Again. If I'm going to be honest now, I've not been entirely honest about my eating this week. Don't get me wrong, I've eaten everything I've posted - but not only that. In fact I've had high carb crappy junk food every day and apart from confessing the sausage roll yesterday I've been keeping quiet about it. The main problem is I think that during the actively moving phase last week I resorted to carbs and gluten because they were easy, portable and readily available. And now I'm hooked on them again /still - even though I'm constipated, lacking energy and (as already mentioned) feeling icky. If anyone has any spare self-control lying around I would really appreciate borrowing a cup or two. Or as much as you can spare. Because I'm all out right now.
I did actually try to be good and eat home cooked this evening but M put the idea of a Chinese takeaway in my head and I was weak...  No surprise given my apparently amputated sense of restraint.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs poached on homemade gf toast
Lunch: homemade Cauliflower & broccoli soup. All gone now :-(
Dinner: salt and pepper squid (amazing) followed by disappointing kung pao prawns and steamed rice
Snacks: homemade pork rinds, yogurt and fruit, chocolate, crisps

Wednesday, 18 February 2015


Today was kind of a nothing day for me.  I was actually pretty busy at work, after a couple of boring weeks - maybe they just realised I'm leaving next Friday and want to get their money's worth first.  Anyway it meant the day went faster than usual, at least until I hit a wall midafternoon and was just really knackered. So no real exercise to speak of and no interesting news.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with mushrooms and leek
Lunch: homemade Cauliflower & broccoli soup and a sausage roll
Dinner: Pork tenderloin with veg
Snacks: homemade pork rinds, yogurt and fruit

Tuesday, 17 February 2015


My car was frozen when I went out this morning. Of course it happened to be a day when I was running slightly late so I really appreciated that added delay. Once the sun came up it was a beautiful morning though - really clear and sunny.
After work I had to make yet another trip back to Bracknell - to collect a prescription (which was my fault as I should have done that yesterday) and to check the house was clean enough. I was under the impression that renting was supposed to be simpler than home ownership, how did we manage to change it so much?
The main problem with that, besides the annoyance of not being able to go for a walk after work (I was too tired at lunchtime) is that the journey from the old house to the new one is really annoying at that sort of time, taking twice as long as usual. I keep saying it...  Altogether now...  'I can't wait for this to be done with'
At least now I'm cooking in my tiny kitchen. The hob is very good - gas - and now I know that the oven will eventually heat up enough to cook if I turn it on way in advance and significantly higher than should be needed, so I'll get there...

Food today:
Breakfast: AIP oatmeal substitute. No, I'm not going AIP on a whim, it's far too complicated, but I wanted a grain free substitute out of boredom with the never ending eggs, and this was it.
Lunch: homemade Cauliflower & broccoli soup - absolutely delicious
Dinner: chicken fried Cauliflower rice
Snacks: homemade pork rinds and fruit

Monday, 16 February 2015


I think there was a weekend but it zipped by in a flash. Saturday morning was housework at the old house - doing that ridiculous clean up before the cleaners get here thing. That included trying to remove all signs of the fat blockage apocalypse from the back garden - I think successfully. In the afternoon I decided to find a local waitrose store as an excuse for a walk around which I will now describe as exploration (I actually hit the right road and then went about a mile and a half in the wrong direction so some people might call that getting lost rather than exploring).  I was supposed to be doing a little shopping but just as I got within sight of the shop I realised I'd forgotten my purse.  So it was back to the house empty handed to collect my money and try again. Eventually I did succeed in shopping. Later we watched Kick Ass 2. Later again  I tried out my new rented oven and it sucked, taking ages to warm up (heat up is too strong a word) despite supposedly being set to fan.  So dinner Saturday was not a success.
Sunday involved both more walking and more house stuff but that's pretty much sorted out now - quicker than we expected. I guess we got rid of enough stuff to make things a bit easier for ourselves.
Today I worked from home so I could pop over to the old house yet again to let the cleaners in and then lock up after them. I was doing some fairly mindless work which nearly sent me to sleep. And in total I spent 2 hours driving to Bracknell and back. I am so glad that it's nearly over and we'll not have to keep doing this much longer.  We hand the house back on Thursday and then it's all over bar the shouting (if they try to pinch our deposit)

Friday, 13 February 2015


I now have a tiny kitchen - and size does matter! It's actually a nice kitchen, obviously fairly new, good quality and designed to make the maximum use of the space available - but it wasn't designed by  / for me, so it has tons of cupboards but not enough drawers. There's no gaps in the fitted units so no flexibility in how you use the space, and for my messy tendencies, not enough work surface. I am vividly aware of all this before I've even started cooking in it (apart from breakfast and reheating soup). This is going to be a challenge. There are good challenges and less good challenges. So far this feels like the latter. I've halved my fridge space too - not good for someone keen on salads and fresh vegetables. Who wants to shop once a week to control spending.
Eyes on the prize though - every month in this house rather than the other one saves a big chunk of cash. As all the work surfaces are still covered with stuff, I didn't cook again this evening, but now the weekend is here so I will be able to sort it out at last.
No real walk today thanks to lots of rain, combined with a takeaway - I can feel my hips getting bigger, and as for my thighs.... Shudder.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with mushrooms and tomatoes
Lunch: lamb & mint yogurt sandwich
Dinner: lamb kushbadar with steamed rice (half portion of rice)
Snacks: almond pancakes and fruit

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Crawling back towards normality

Yesterday I spent so much time wandering aimlessly or purposefully around 2 houses that I actually got my 10000 steps in without going for any walks - and that's without counting the carrying, the bending, the stretching... No wonder I'm still knackered despite quite a good night's sleep.
This evening after work I had to go back to the old house to collect some more stuff and do some more hoovering just to remove the massive dust bunnies revealed when the furniture was moved for the first time in 13 months, while M carried on rebuilding the new house. Then back to the new place to try and clear enough space in the kitchen to cook some food and allow us to eat off plates instead of cardboard delivery boxes for the first time since Monday. I did get a walk at lunchtime, much needed and appreciated, a couple of miles, a lot of chatting and a little shopping. I must admit once all this crap is done with I am looking forward to starting to walk and explore around the new house - I haven't even seen the town centre and don't know the way to the train station or anything yet so it will make for much more interesting walking than was available at the old house in Bracknell. (one of England's least attractive towns, if you don't already know that - except for it's many parks)

Food today:
Breakfast: sautéed leftover kebab meats with almond flour pancakes - from the freezer
Lunch: homemade soup - from the freezer
Dinner: Chinese takeaway as I still can't find the room to cook. Aromatic crispy lamb (amazing) starter followed by duck with green pepper in black bean sauce and a small amount of plain boiled rice
Snacks: crisps and fruit

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

We're in!

I can't say the move is really over as the house looks like a bomb hit it, but we are physically in the new place.  And I am exhausted, aching (though not as much as I expected)  and so glad today is over.
The removal guys were great but I was longing for them to leave a good hour or two before they did. I just wanted to get on with sorting everything out, but was restricted by having to not get in the way as they lugged all our heavy crap around. I made up for lost time after 4, when they left, but there's still tons to do at the weekend. And I feel like I've already done a million tons...
Yesterday after I finished work I went shopping - primarily for Drain unblocker as we were having issues with the kitchen sink - literally one week before the end of the tenancy. When I got home it was to discover that M had uncovered the problem - it wasn't the pipe inside the house that was blocked, but the drain outside. I had created a fat blockage in the drain and it was totally flooded as a result.  So gross! At first I just put the unblocker I'd bought down the drain instead of the sink, but a little while after going to bed my brain was buzzing wildly about possible charges to fix it and I knew I wouldn't sleep without doing something.  So I went out in my dressing gown, scooped out the water, and then got hands on with the blockage. It was REVOLTING - but it worked. I spent most of the morning checking every time I walked past the sink, and it kept flowing happily away. I'm a sad person - because that gave me a sense of achievement. Although - cold set fat - yuck. Just yuck.
This morning I got up at 4:30 to bag + box up stuff to bring to the new  house. Then back to  the old house to do more of the same while waiting for the removal men.  Then back to the new house to get Sky installed, with some unpacking as I waited. Then back to the old house for more packing plus hoovering. Then off to the new house for a massive amount of unpacking and some carrying of things I really shouldn't have.
The highlight of the day was an OK,  nothing special lamb shish kebab for tea. With a glass of wine as celebration. And now an early night....

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

What weekend?

God, I can't wait for this move to be over (M is already looking ahead to the next one as we intend to buy again after this rental expires - or sooner if something good comes along). The weekend wasn't nonstop moving activities but there was enough to ruin all chance of relaxation and rest, from check in at the new place - which took 90 minutes - to trips backwards and forwards with some of our stuff, to packing up more stuff and planning logistics.
Yesterday I worked from home as a consequence and in addition to working also made one lunchtime trip across and did some more packing. After work I did manage a pitiful 2 mile walk simply because I wanted some booze to relax. Just call my Georgia Best. I'm currently using the move as an excuse to eat and drink whatever I want and I'm even planning to have pizza tonight. So I won't be talking about food till Thursday at the earliest.

Friday, 6 February 2015

Storm blew over

So, this morning I was once again wondering why I bother with the antidepressants if I can feel like I did last night on them.  And then realised I forgot to take it yesterday. I doubt if one missed pill causes an instant drop to sub-therapeutic levels in the body, but maybe it had some effect, along with the other already mentioned reasons for melting down. I do feel a bit better today despite a bad night due to all that het up emotion (and booze) and excruciating back pain, so I guess the sobbing did have its use, as you suggested, Joy.
Absolutely freezing today again but no snow and no sleet, which counts as a win in my world. I didn't walk this lunchtime because I was too busy driving home to wfh during the afternoon. To be accurate, working from bed, as that's about the only place I can get comfortable at the moment. I didn't the whole morning just trying to find a comfortable position or a distraction, while counting the minutes till I could take more painkillers without destroying my liver and dying but once I was mostly lying down, with head and neck supported at the right angle and the drag on my left shoulder taken care of I didn't need any more pills the rest of the day.
After work I just couldn't face going out in the cold - so I didn't. I just spent a couple of hours in the kitchen cooking, doing a little packing, and other chores.
Oh yes, and I got offered that job - just a couple of months but as the market is usually pretty dead in the lead up to the new financial year that's about perfect. So I celebrated with a junk food lunch. Because I'm like that.

Food today:
Breakfast: sautéed bratwurst, yellow pepper, onion, boiled potato and sauerkraut
Lunch: junk with junk and added junk.
Dinner: Gammon with roasted broccoli, carrots & Brussels sprouts
Snacks: cashews

Thursday, 5 February 2015


A very mixed day today.  As I had my late night last night I overate - in small grazing nibbles - all day for energy. For the same reason I walked at lunchtime and after work (at lunchtime I froze, after work I froze and got hailed on even though it was sunny when I left the house).
See? Fairly sunny. Definitely no hail... 

In the evening we went to Wetherspoons for dinner as it was our last chance for curry club night before we move to a town with no Wetherspoons (I know what you're thinking, but yes, there are towns that are currently Wetherspoons-less) and that was when things went downhill with a booze, exhaustion and stress-fueled meltdown on my part, culminating in tears before bedtime. And no news about that job. I'd like to go to bed now - till July if that's OK...

Food today:
Breakfast: almond flour pancakes with yogurt & berries .
Lunch: carrot and lentil soup
Dinner:Wetherspoons philly cheesesteak sandwich (Inc. bread but didn't eat the fake cheese) (I meant to get the skinny steak but was tempted by the devil)

Snacks: yogurt, cashews

It's snowing!

Real snow, big fluffy settling flakes. Better not keep it up over the weekend, we have to start schlepping our stuff to the new rental.
At least I'm already working from home following last night's deployment so I don't have to worrying about it keeping up all day and making my drive home dodgy, however M is at work and that's still my concern even though he's a really good driver. Plenty of time for it to stop and melt though, and the forecast suggests it will.

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Deployment day again

No walk at lunchtime - and it was sunny too. Unfortunately I'd taken half an hour of my lunch early for my phone interview (hiding in the back seat of my car in the car park) so I didn't have time for a proper walk. I had to settle for a quick dash to the shop for a small yogurt and some fruit so that I did at least get away from my desk and out in the (very very) fresh air, however briefly.
After work I did better though. I really need to do something after work even if it's uncomfortable because it just about keeps my back from seizing up after a day in the office chair that I will NOT miss when I leave this job. Not at all. I only managed about 3 miles between both lunchtime and post-work walk, but it helped a bit so I guess that's enough. It was bloody freezing - brings tears to the eyes freezing - but that certainly woke me up a bit in preparation for my 10 pm overtime tonight. Guess I don't need to point out that I'll be moaning about my knackeredness tomorrow...

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with red onion, mushrooms & tomatoes plus a very small amount of cold boiled potato.
Lunch: chunky chicken and vegetable soup followed by a melon & grape snack pot
Dinner: pan fried sardines from well fed 2 with salad
Snacks: yogurt, Cottage cheese sweetened with a little strawberry conserve

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Ouch. On so many levels

Well, the snow didn't last very long and had virtually melted around the office by 11. I went out for a lunchtime walk along the canal hoping that it would linger on there allowing me to get some pretty pictures (can you tell now that I've worked out how to add photos on the phone I'm a little drunk with the power? Give me time, soon I'll be photographing my toothbrush before and after brushing...
Anyway, as you can see the snow wasn't pristine by the canal and it looked more bleak than beautiful. If you're looking at those pictures from a home in the frozen North (or the eastern seaboard of the US) - STOP LAUGHING it is snow, yes, it is. Just not very much of it.

Walking along the canal in search of natural beauty was not my best idea as my back complained every step of the way.  Believe it or don't, as bored as you are of reading 'my back aches' I am 10 times more bored of writing it and 100000 times more fed up of feeling it. I went out for a second walk after work and ended up cutting it short because I wasn't comfortable enough to enjoy it.

Still no job interview so that isn't looking promising. And my boss was asking me for help writing a job spec for the permie he's supposed to recruit so he can stop employing me. Having a great week so far...  Oh yes, and I am due a 10 pm deployment tomorrow night so yay!!! Hmph. Roll on Spring...

Speaking of Spring, if you look really carefully at the above there's a couple of snowdrops there...

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with red onion, mushrooms & tomatoes plus a very small amount of cold boiled potato.
Lunch: chunky chicken and vegetable soup
Dinner: chilli with rice & a slice of my gf bread.
Snacks: yogurt. (quite a lot)

The snow has landed

All of an inch, I would say.  Unfortunately yesterday at home I was so damned bored that today I had to drive in to work anyway.  At least it looks nice so far,  one good thing about getting up and out so early is you get to see it while it's white, soft and fluffy, not just when it's wet, slushy and grey...

Monday, 2 February 2015

Another week begins...

Saturday was OK,  I got my hair cut,  abandoned all my other plans for the day and did some walking in between sleety showers. In total I walked about 5 miles. Yesterday was pretty amazing early on. I slept in till 6:30 and had a short nap in the early afternoon; I walked over 7 miles too. However I also had a mini binge for no particular reason, which takes the shine off a bit. Maybe I didn't eat enough of the good food to fuel all the walking? 
Last night was dreadful - I got very little sleep and woke up at 2:30 in the morning for the last time. I just gave up at that point and turned to my Kindle. I don't know if it was the nap or my aching back, but either way I was exhausted, aching and miserable - so I worked from home today. I walked a couple of miles at lunchtime and a couple more after work so I still managed to keep going a bit, all of it unburdened by any rucksack to rest my back.

I also had an appointment for a phone interview for a job starting at the beginning of March this afternoon - except they didn't call.  Hopefully some emergency came up and they'll rearrange - keep your fingers crossed for me!  

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with leek, mushrooms & tomatoes plus a very small amount of cold boiled potato. 
Lunch: soup - the last of the Cauliflower soup 
Dinner: chicken salad 
Snacks: yogurt.