Friday, 28 November 2014

Me, myself and I

Really tired and drained today for no reason other than the generally run down cold-y thing,  so I took it easy all day. I also indulged myself with a large,  calorific & glutenific lunch - a roll with lamb in minted yogurt,  packet of crisps and individual treacle tart :-0. I love treacle tart and the fact that it doesn't love me back breaks my heart, so I couldn't resist. And it was all yummy,  although I ate it too fast to realise how full I was and was stuffed all afternoon :-) 
I'm visiting my mum tomorrow and want to be awake enough to enjoy it! So an early night is called for. And a cooking marathon (not much of one - just dinner tonight plus soup for next week's lunches and a roast gammon joint - but that really cooked itself - and some pork rinds) 
M was in Birmingham today so I was on my own all evening and spent most of the time in the kitchen (Cooking not eating) or on the sofa until my early night began. So relaxing (so long as it's occasional only) to have only myself to take into account. My TV. My dinner. My bedtime...

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, egg & mayo salad. And a small pot of natural yogurt. 
Lunch: see above... 
Dinner: Thai monkfish curry with rice 
Snacks: gf flapjack. 

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Silver linings

I guess it helped getting things out of my system yesterday (and getting lovely supportive messages from Joy & Diane -  thank you both! ) because I'm feeling more positive today. I still didn't train - my cold isn't developing into the usual extroverted sneezes and sniffles but my nose is still bunged up,  my sinuses feel a bit inflamed and I have intermittent headache and eye ache.  It's annoying because the coughs and sneezes would give me an excuse to work from home whereas I look perfectly normal (for a depressive pig obviously) 
I didn't binge today.  I didn't stick to any healthy plan really as I did eat a bag of crisps this afternoon - but rather than doing it to hurt myself I was genuinely hungry and picked the only unsweet item in the vending machine. I stayed away from the shops to avoid seeing any binge triggers. 
I did have some good news today - my contract was extended a couple of months.  I know my whingeing about work probably makes that sound like a bad thing, but I prefer it by far to job hunting - especially as I do like the people there. So yay!

Food today :
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon, mushrooms and red pepper 
Lunch: Butternut Squash Soup followed by a yogurt 
Dinner: chilli with rice 
Snacks: pork scratchings and crisps. 

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Fairy tale...

Once upon a time there was a girl called Chrissie. She was overweight (OK,  obese according to the charts) and not yet a blogger (or a binge eater) and she was living in a hotel room during the week with no kitchen or gym. And she had will power,  and worked hard, and lost lots of weight. So much so that the lady on reception in the hotel once very carefully asked her if she was ill,  because the weight was going even though takeaways kept arriving (for M while she ingested slimfast shakes and did tae bo dvds.) 
I miss her. Or maybe I resent her for using up a lifetime's supply of self control and being younger. Possibly both, because I can multi-task. I'm not sure where she went, but it's possible I ate her. Along with all the junk food in the world. Or else she binge ate until she EXPLODED 


I didn't try to train this morning as I woke up repeatedly all night feeling bunged up and miserable. 'Tis the season to contract a head cold apparently - headache, prickly eyes (especially the one I had surgery on),  intermittent sore throat, bunged up nose... Blech. And bleurgh.

Food today :
Breakfast: leftover meatloaf & sweet potato 
Lunch: Butternut Squash Soup followed by a yogurt 
Dinner: poached salmon and salad 
Snacks:  gf flapjack + lots of crap 

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Damn it

I got up and climbed onto the climber this morning -  bit tired after a less than wonderful nights sleep. Got off again 20 minutes later - but at least I did that much, I was tempted not to even bother. It's much harder work now that I've adjusted my style (which is of course a good thing when training) so I figured I'd better listen to my legs screaming stop, stop, stop it right now...
Sadly later I found myself eating crap. I don't know what's wrong with me these days...

Food today :
Breakfast: leftover meatloaf & broccoli 
Lunch: turkey salad followed by a yogurt Dinner: turkey Meatzza with sweet potato fries & sauerkraut 
Snacks:  crisps & chocolate 

Monday, 24 November 2014

Weekend 2, Monday 1

I had a brilliant day on Saturday - my brother visited and we went into London as usual. According to my smartphone pedometer we walked 12 miles (admittedly a daft thing to do given how little I'd done for a week and a half before that) without any pain apart from a cramp-like pain in one foot right at the end of the day which may have been the result of walking carefully to avoid pain all day; either way, it wore off quite quickly. We spent most of the day on the other side of the Thames from usual,  in Lambeth/Elephant & Castle to visit the Imperial War Museum. I will admit we made a slight mistake at the museum when we decided shortly after arrival to nip back out for an early lunch as we were both hungry - the only place open was a KFC knock off so I ate a very large lunch of gluten-fried chicken (very tasty mind you,  and excellent value for money) before we went back to the museum.  There we decided to start at the top and work down.  At the top was a Holocaust exhibition.  We went in, but didn't last through the whole exhibition.  It was a combination of the emotional effect of the subject matter and displays,  combined with a bit of physical effect due to it being very warm in there and the massive lunch we'd both eaten. We made it through about three quarters of the exhibition and both simultaneously decided we couldn't take any more - definitely not a criticism of the exhibition, it was very comprehensive and we'll done, and I've never seen so many people so quiet in a museum before. 
In an attempt to cheer up we went down to the Thames Path and walked along to the Globe Theatre,  then crossed the river and walked back on the other bank. As we did so we passed 2 food Christmas markets,  which made us both regret the chicken as some of it looked and smelled much more interesting,  and walked through a more varied market with crafts and jewellery as well as food at the South Bank Centre.  This did cheer us up,  and by the time we reached the train station to go home we were feeling quite a lot better.  Then we had to travel as far as Twickenham on an overcrowded train full of rugby fans - that was nice :-( It got a lot better once they went,  but the journey still seemed a lot longer than it did in the morning. 
I was bloated all evening from the lunch and never got around to eating again that evening. 
Yesterday was quieter; I did some work in the morning and walked into town later. We also watched the Wolverine movie in the afternoon. Didn't walk anywhere near the distance of Saturday, still no pain - so this morning I trained!!! 
I put the changes in regarding my form on the climber and blimey did it make a difference in terms of how hard it felt. I was dripping with sweat and my legs felt rubbery when I finished, all of which was great, and so far no pain. Hopefully it will last and I'll be able to improve my fitness. 
After work I walked a mile or so - still feeling good!!!

Food today :
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon and mushrooms 
Lunch: ham salad followed by a yogurt 
Dinner: beef salad 
Snacks: Pork scratchings, galaxy whoops 

Friday, 21 November 2014


I have an idea of how I can finally break my weight loss dilemma. It's a little radical,  and requires some external help plus a dungeon cell containing exercise machines with a slot in the door for my meals, but I'm fairly hopeful it will work.  Anyone got a suitable stone cell with no kitchen, fridge, vending machine or restaurant? There can be a TV but it has to be battery operated - with the battery hooked up to the exercise machine. And maybe a treadmill desk allowing me to WFH so I don't lose my job.  
Failing that I guess I'll just keep spinning my wheels... 
You might have gathered that I'm in a bit of a funk. Something terrible has happened to me, I'm not sure why or what to do about it, but...  I seem to be losing interest in cooking & food. Not in a healthy 'eat to live' kind of way, more in an apathetic 'can't be bothered to think about it' kind of way which leads to no food planning and no prepping of healthy snacks followed by grabbing a bag of crisps from the vending machine in the office when I feel hungry. You can tell by the menu below - everything I ate today was cooked previously and only the soup was even reheated.  In the past 48 hours I've actually had 2 portions of the same soup (it's all gone now) and 3 servings of the same chicken drumsticks (also now all gone). Who am I??? It's not even because they're so good I couldn't stop eating them - the soup was nice, and improved every day with reheating, but the drumsticks were nothing special. I miss enjoying cooking... 

Food today :
Breakfast: Carolina style chicken drumsticks with cucumber & tomatoes 
Lunch: carrot & sweet potato soup   
Dinner: Carolina style chicken drumsticks with caesar Kale salad 
Snacks: bag of crisps (Walkers Ready Salted if it matters),  protein cookie 

Thursday, 20 November 2014


 I twisted my back this morning and spent the morning feeling like something had ripped.  I don't think it has, and once I took some painkillers it improved immensely,  but it made me very grouchy all morning. VERY GROUCHY.
Some people might question how different that is from every other morning, but they're wrong and cheeky to boot. 
My morning was extremely frustrating as I struggled to get one of the company's applications to work - then after lunch I realised I'd been making a small but fundamental mistake and like magic it worked (for a specific given value of 'worked' - if it actually worked I wouldn't have been trying to get it ready for testing a bug fix all morning). So annoying that it took so long though - and that it turned out to be my own fault I suppose. At least I got to feel some belated sense of achievement today... 
I didn't train (see above) or walk properly today,  but I did have to go out for an errand at lunchtime so there was no opportunity to hide behind apathy and avoid the shops.  I bought a somewhat too large bag of cashews and ate them all - but didn't buy anything else so it didn't turn into a binge,  which makes me reasonably happy given my foul mood all morning.  And no booze either, not even medicinal. Although I was tempted. I might not be able to follow all my rules at once right now,  but some of them some of the time is a starting point anyway. Right? 

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, mayo & hardboiled egg salad 
Lunch: carrot & sweet potato soup   
Dinner: carolina style chicken drumsticks with caesar salad 
Snacks: cashews, fruit 

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Can apathy be a tool...???

I've felt horribly unmotivated all day today - to do anything whatsoever. I didn't train as I'm not yet completely pain free (I generally feel good in the morning after a night in a comfy bed then the pain returns during the day - but it is arriving later and less intensely every day) I didn't feel like going out at lunchtime and for once had no errands to run,  so I didn't set foot outside the building.  
The silver lining,  if it can be described that way, is that I also felt no drive to binge, so I didn't. I also avoided sweet tasting food/drinks and all booze today - whether it's down to resolution or apathy I guess that's all good! You'll notice that my snack today wasn't the healthiest of choices,  but for some reason I forgot completely to pack a snack today and that was the only non-sweet option in the office vending machine - so it was the healthiest of all available evils.

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, broccoli & leek scrambled eggs 
Lunch: carrot & sweet potato soup   
Dinner: grilled pork chop and broccoli 
Snacks: bag of crisps

Tuesday, 18 November 2014


Much more myself today - no binge,  although I did replace the healthy homemade soup I planned to have for lunch with something less healthy (and a slightly weird combination).  But I'm pleased I replaced it rather than eating both.
I woke up this morning quite tired despite sleeping reasonably well but very relaxed and completely pain free! The pain free thing sadly didn't last once I got up,  but was still many orders of magnitude better than it has been; the tired thing lasted all day despite heroic quantities of coffee and even half a litre of Pepsi max.
Still,  no resorting to hot baths today,  although I might have if I hadn't had a crap drive home that took twice as long as it should have. Tomorrow it's my plan to get the food and drink part of my plan back into action - if I'm really lucky the training too,  though it seems unlikely at the moment. Wish me luck...

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, mushroom & leek scrambled eggs
Lunch: a homemade beef chorizo burger & bag of crisps and a small pot of natural yogurt
Dinner: steamed salmon and broccoli
Snacks: fruit

Monday, 17 November 2014

I suck

So, I have finally dropped my impression of a turtle,  stuck my head back out of my shell - and I'm back!  
The last few days sucked massively - I forgot all my good intentions, I binged Thursday & Friday,  over-ate and drank Saturday & Sunday, and have a strange, completely inexplicable headache today. It must be something I ate. 
On the plus side after not training and literally not leaving the house all weekend, including Friday, I am almost pain-free most of the time and will be back to try out my new training strategy very soon I hope. The self-pitying depression is wearing off and so is the desire to binge on crap (wearing off, not worn off) , and I'm feeling almost human again. Despite the truly awful weather I had to drive through to the office this morning. And walk in to the post office at lunchtime. It more or less stopped by the time I drove home,  but by then a day in the office had taken its toll and all I was good for was my 708709th bath in the last few days...

So, while I've been living on the sofa / in the bath for a few days what's been happening in the real world?

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, mushrooms & leek scrambled eggs 
Lunch: carrot & sweet potato soup
Dinner: cold beef brisket with a big kale salad 
Snacks: cashews...  And chocolate 

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Pain stopped play

Can we just agree to pretend today never happened? OK? 
Why do I ever post that I'm on a roll / doing well/making progress? Every time I do, every single time I do, something instantly goes wrong. So, I had some pain yesterday which led to my taking the very relaxing bath after work; I felt better after that but this morning the effect had worn off so I replaced training with another bath. I was whingeing to M when I got out and he suggested I change my 'form' on the climber - my stance and the length of my stride - to see if it helps.  Seems like a good idea, so I'll be trying that when I start up again. It is a very repetitive movement so if it causes any repeated strain or friction that will build up. It would explain why activity that should be improving my strength & fitness keeps having seemingly the opposite effect... 
So, I'm grumpy about missing training /having pain but I suppose slightly cheered by having something to work on when I get back into it (and the changes I'll be making will make me work harder,  at least in the beginning, which is good...) 
Especially after the cr@pfest that was today. 

I binged.  Because nothing about a day of enforced idleness and discomfort can't be fixed with thousands of extra calories.  Oh, wait... 

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, mushrooms & leek scrambled eggs 
Lunch: Roast chicken and salad 
Dinner: Takeaway lamb sagwala with boiled rice
Snacks: Don't ask. Won't tell. 

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

I train, therefore I am

Yes,  I trained this morning and now it does feel like that's just what I do. 
That is, of course, a lie. Or more politely,  what is often known as fake it till you make it.  I'm still at the fake it stage. 
I woke up early,  not sure how early as I was wearing an eye mask and refusing to look at the clock, and spent an unknown eternity praying that it was not yet 4am so I had plenty of time to stay lying there.  Then the alarm went off and I may have used a bad word. But I did get up and train so does it matter if I didn't want to? 
More grotty weather today so I didn't go for a walk, it just wasn't appealing. Instead I took a hot bath when I got home after work - so so relaxing. 

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, mushrooms & leek scrambled eggs 
Lunch: Roast chicken and salad 
Dinner: chicken thighs with braised savoy cabbage from the Memorie di Angelina blog
Snacks: cashews and a small pot of natural yogurt 

Monday, 10 November 2014

Ding dong

Less of an unqualified success this weekend - but for a reason, not just due to losing the will. I did reduce my exercise as I planned in order to rest my back - stayed off the climber altogether and only walked a couple of miles each day.  On Saturday I also stuck to all my new rules,  but on Sunday I admit I did drink two tiny little pints of beer and fall face first into a mountain of cashew nuts as a result.  You see, M sold his motorbike yesterday and as I may have mentioned one or a million times, the minute he brought it home I started waiting for it to kill him - so seeing it leave while he remained alive called for a celebration!  And a little happy dance in the kitchen,  accompanied by a totally tuneless rendition of an improvised song entitled 'the bike is gone' and loosely set to the music for 'ding dong the witch is dead' from the Wizard of Oz.

I was pleased.

This morning it was right back to normal with the crawling bleary eyed from bed at 4:30 and the staggering semi-conscious on to the climber.  By the time I fully woke up I'd completed my 40 minutes and made a cup of coffee. 
After work I managed a couple of miles walking as well, so that felt really good!
I did OK with the food, stayed clear of the booze, avoided the fizzy drinks...  All good!  (I'd like to be in a place where all of that sounds just normal rather than cause for bragging... maybe some day...) 

Food today :
Breakfast: bacon, mushrooms & leek scrambled eggs 
Lunch: homemade carrot & coriander soup 
Dinner: a kind-of Bolognese influenced meat sauce made with pork mince over steamed sweetheart cabbage 'spaghetti'.  Cabbagetti? Spagagge? Snacks: cashews (now buying smaller snack packs - excepting celebrations I'm happy with WHAT I'm eating but need to work on how much of it I'm eating... ) and pork scratchings 

Friday, 7 November 2014


I have now trained on 5 consecutive days  - a full working week! Unfortunately my back has been complaining a bit today so I will probably give it a rest over the weekend and hope for another good week next week (active rest of course - weather permitting I'll still be walking) 
I had a short day in the office today - thanks to the late night deployment I did on Wednesday I had the afternoon off as time off in lieu of overtime pay. I had to go into the office for a meeting or I would have been tempted to WFH again in the morning. I was worried about the meeting as it was about some less than successful software releases I've been involved in, but happily it wasn't run as a finger pointing blame game, but more as a "what can we change to tighten up the process" meeting from which some useful suggestions did come up. 
I left work at 12 and it was really nice to have the afternoon ahead of me although I can't say I spent it all that productively (but then sometimes resting IS productive,  right?) I took a hot bath with muscle relaxing bath salts and then lounged on the sofa feeling more relaxed than I have for days. Later on I went for a walk - not a long one,  somewhere between 1.5 and 2 miles but it was a nice fairly gentle way to increase my activity levels for today. 
Food today: extremely good I think 
Exercise : good 
Booze: good and no soft drinks 

Food today :
Breakfast: homemade sausage sliced & sautéed with mushrooms & leek and scrambled eggs 
Lunch: cold meat & salad 
Dinner: curry made with the Anglo-Indian sausage patties from last weekend, on cauliflower rice 
Snacks: Mixed nuts; one homemade sausage 

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Another morning after...

Still tired after my very short night last night.  Happily it looks like last night's deployment went well so it shouldn't need redoing any time soon. 
I crawled out of bed this morning with so little energy that even with the extra time that comes from not having to drive to work there was no way I was doing anything more energetic than making & drinking several cups of coffee.  I made the mistake of telling myself that I would train either at lunchtime or after work, and by 10 am I was well into the reasons not to bother.  It's just as well that in my last post I mentioned feeling I was on a roll - when I remembered that at lunchtime it pushed me into training to avoid the embarrassment of once again bragging right before failing big time. So I trained during my lunch break, and though I wasn't really feeling it, I am glad I put in the effort. 
Food wise I did alright today although I did have not one but TWO cans of diet soda.  I'm all out of herbal tea at home and was so sick of water...  Ah well,  if that were the worst that I ever did I'd still be slim...  I still didn't drink any booze though,  and resisted all temptations sweet in flavour. So I'm counting this as a successful day too...  Moderately at least. 
Now I'm about to fall asleep mid post so I'll love you and leave you...

Breakfast: lamb & cumin burger acting as a base for poached egg
Lunch: cold meat & salad 
Dinner: 'mixed grill'  - liver,  kidney,  rump steak & homemade sausage with green beans,  caramelized red onion & cauliflower
Snacks: minted pea soup

As days go, Wednesday dragged...

700 years after I arrived at work I looked at the clock and it was 10:46. I nearly embarrassed myself by screaming my head off and running around in circles like a headless chicken... This was only made worse by the knowledge that I was due to work overtime again at 10pm...
Enough moaning anyway.  I did train in the morning,  but didn't manage a proper walk.  I feel like I'm on the verge of claiming to be on a roll with the training and given the sudden deterioration in the weather I'm very happy not to be relying on walking as my sole form of exercise or I'd be really frustrated.
I finally fell into bed knackered at 11:30 last night, which is why I didn't get around to posting yesterday, only to wake up at 5 this morning...  So still knackered. I'm working from home today thankfully and two strong coffees have not yet been enough.  Time for another one...

Happy to say that even with the frustration and the knackeredness and the exhaustion I didn’t fall off any wagons… Food was good, exercise was good, and no booze.

Breakfast:scrambled eggs with defrosted leftover cod wrapped in pancetta (chopped up and added to the beaten eggs so they reheated as the eggs cooked)
Lunch: minted pea soup
Dinner: grilled chicken thighs with grilled vegetables
Snacks: almonds & brazil nuts

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Today was definitely up and down...  

This morning I did train again, and then spent the early part of the day feeling fairly cheerful, despite the cold wet weather and having to drive to work through patchy fog that was quite heavy in places. At lunchtime I had to go to the post office and of course it was raining quite persistently by then,  making it no fun at all, preventing me from having a proper walk, and boom! I was instantly miserable.  Later again and I was cheerful and productive (in the kitchen,  not the office obviously).  I guess that's what I get for saying yesterday that my mood was calmer...  
Still, no sweet foods (except fresh fruit)  or drinks,  no booze,  and a training session that left my legs feeling quite rubbery by the end :-)...  I call that a successful day 7!

Breakfast: homemade Pork, pear, sage & fennel sausage with leftover sautéed veg from last night and one fried egg
Lunch: Cauliflower-pumpkin soup 
Dinner: massive salad with gammon & poached chicken 
Snacks: cashews & fruit (not dried) 

Monday, 3 November 2014

Back to Basics - Days 4, 5 and 6

Food - success. Mostly. Stuck to the letter of my new rules but bent the meaning a bit by eating some dried fruit.  On Saturday night we got a takeaway kebab - I had a mixed lamb and chicken shish, no pitta and I made my own salad to accompany it, along with one of my salad dressings instead of the shop sauce. And no chips, even though M did order some. 
Booze - success.  I didn't find it as difficult as I thought even though having something (not a lot) at the weekend had become pretty much a habit. 
Exercise - successful I'd say.  I walked about 5 miles on Saturday, no training to give my back another day. Sunday was a rest day so I only walked a couple of miles. This morning I was back on the climber and my back felt fine.

I feel a lot more in control at the moment. My digestive system is definitely happier and calmer doing this and so is my mood.  I'm not really sleeping any better and I haven't weighed myself in over a week so I don't know how bad things got or if they're getting better.  Except in the ways listed above. Keep on keeping on I guess...

Food today:
Breakfast: 2 Anglo-Indian spiced sausage patties from a recipe by Madhur Jaffrey , with North Indian Cucumber salad from the same cookbook - Curry Easy. 

Lunch: homemade cream of Cauliflower soup (no actual cream) 
Dinner: Pork chop (grilled) with slowly sautéed Red onion,  courgette & red pepper 
Snacks: cashews & pork rinds