Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Crawling out from under?

After being tortured by my office chair yesterday all day I stayed home to work today. I actually felt better this morning than I have for days, maybe weeks (apart from the purely physical pain in my back) - less tired, less unable to see any point in carrying on when nothing's ever going to get better - just less depressed. I don't know if that's a sign that I weathered the storm, and I kind of doubt it to be honest, it's probably more likely just a temporary easing off - but I'll take it anyway. Compared to wanting to be dead it's a massive improvement any way you look at it. 
I did have to go out at lunchtime to send off a parcel - something I sold as part of the decluttering - and that didn't seem to make my back very happy at all, although the rest of me was glad to get out. Especially as the weather was amazing again - makes you wonder what's going on, isn't it October tomorrow?
Oh yeah, food went ok today. Maybe that's why I felt better - two days in a row of not being disgusted at my own lack of willpower after how ever many of being a monster pig... If I could just keep it up for long enough to lose  some weight I might actually find some self respect / self esteem.
Probably not though.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon, mushrooms & leek
Lunch: homemade tuna-dill-jalapeno mayo salad with an avocado
Dinner: burger in gluten free bun with salad
Snacks: Greek yogurt.

1 comment:

  1. You need to give yourself a break from all the punishment you heap on yourself. If you are depressed get help it is not a sign of failure just a realisation that you are not superwoman and you are frail and human like the rest of us.

    ReplyDelete