Friday, 12 September 2014

Activity at last

Well, I hardly slept last night and today I feel like someone dropped a piano on my head (I think, not speaking from experience :-)). When tired the rest of the week it felt like a totally physical tiredness but my brain was no less awake than it usually is; today my brain feels completely zonked. I've come to the conclusion that it's not really about being tired since I wasn't sleeping badly before last night; I think I've actually been depressed, and not in the general situational sense that comes with a death / divorce / medical diagnosis or other traumatic experience, more in the annoyingly undefined amorphous not enough serotonin (or something) sense. Of course there are studies saying that exercise is really helpful for mild depression, so if I'm right I've been doing exactly the wrong thing by resting this week. Ah well.
So at lunchtime I made myself go for a walk and then I went for another one after work.
Did it make me feel better?
Meh.
While I was out at lunch, it was really nice,

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but then I had to return to work...
The walk after work was less attractive, and if I go for long solo (boring) walks when I'm down I often spend the time wallowing and end up lower than before, so I risked life and limb by reading my kindle all the way for distraction (didn't really risk much as I don't read crossing roads and do check very frequently for other pedestrians / cyclists / animals in my path). I expect I feel better for having gone than I would have without the exercise, and I'm glad I broke my run of totally idle days anyway. I walked 6.5 miles today in total!!!
One positive thing about this week that I'm trying to cling to is that I haven't craved junk food even when lacking energy - usually I would have been struggling to resist the quick sugar boost. I ate a Bounty one day because I literally didn't feel well, but that didn't trigger a binge, and although cakes & doughnuts have appeared in the office twice this week I haven't even been tempted... And last weekend I twice bought snack-packs of dried fruit (one mango, one dried apple chips) - brands I have eaten before and enjoyed - and both times threw them away after a  couple of bits because they were TOO SWEET!!! From a person who adores Lemon Meringue Krispy Kremes that's quite a change! I think maybe I am one of those people who need slightly higher healthy carbs, I was struggling because my body was demanding them, and now I've started eating rice & potatoes again (though not yet in the quantities recommended in the perfect health diet) I'm giving my body more what it wants at last. Of course just a week or two isn't enough to be sure, but I think not wanting to binge through TOTM & a depressed week is probably a good sign. And if I'm seeing a good sign there, maybe my walks today were better for me than I gave them credit for above!

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with prawns, ham & cauliflower - all sitting in the fridge needing to be used up
Lunch: rice and salt beef salad
Dinner: chicken wrapped in Parma ham with mushroom risotto
Snacks: Yogurt, protein flapjack. These flapjacks are convenient but definitely not Perfect Health Diet so I need to stop eating them and come up with something healthier, cheaper and hopefully no less convenient

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