Thursday, 14 November 2013

Doing better

First I wanted to say thanks for being supportive, Deniz & Diane, I really appreciate your comments the last couple of days.
I'm still at a loss as to why I went so overboard yesterday; I'm not overwhelmingly tired, I don't consciously feel depressed (well, not until after the boatload of unnecessary and undesirable carbs, anyway), I'm definitely not over exercising. I did feel run down over the weekend, with the start of a cold that hasn't yet fully manifested itself,the first spots I've had for ages and a general lack of energy, so I suppose that even though my brain believes excess carbs hinder healing, health and happiness my body wanted them as easy energy sources to feel better. Or maybe I just haven't broken the emotional link between sweetness & comfort. I spent some time on Tuesday reading success stories on Mark's Daily Apple for motivation but I must admit I think that actually made me feel kind of inadequate due to the general theme of 'this is so easy and satisfying' and 'I don't even want to break the plan' when I'm not finding it easy at all and I damn well do (well, did) want to break it. I think I'll have to steer clear of stories that stir up those unhappy comparisons until I feel a bit better about myself! Maybe its pathetic but I'd actually feel better reading about people who found it really hard to change, struggled to find motivation to train and to carry on, and took much longer to achieve their goals than expected - but did so, eventually, and despite slips and mistakes along the way... I guess that kind of thing doesn't present the desired advert for a diet or healthy living plan though...
Ah well, I have reached one conclusion spending yesterday feeling out of control, hippo-like and bloated, constipated and pissed off... Even if I don't lose weight / can't lose weight I want to feel healthy again and this really isn't going to do it!
I don't have scales here (body or food) as well as not having a fridge or the ability to cook, so my usual highly anal weigh everything I eat & weigh myself every morning approach is not within my grasp (actually that might be part of my problem - maybe I feel adrift without those familiar routines to cling to? God knows its been years since I went any length of time without them)
I'm not willing to schlep my scales backwards and forwards (plus I believe that they need regular recalibrating if you keep moving them) so I need to get over that loss - at least until the end of January - and find other ways (healthier ways) to ground myself.

Food today:
Breakfast: small sweet potato with ham
Lunch: ham salad and 0% fage
Dinner: salmon burger (no bun - but ok, it came with a small portion of fries)
Snacks: cashew nuts; unhealthy chocolate, caramel & walnut slice purchased from a charity bake sale in the office supporting Children in Need. I wanted to give, and I guess I should have thrown it away after buying it, but that just seemed wrong somehow. It was delicious and strangely didn't result in more bingeing.

2 comments:

  1. Success stories of 'easy' weight loss get me down too. For me, the worst ones are on blogs whereby the author has suddenly dropped lots of weight and puts it down to running more/upping mileage, and 'oh! The weight just fell off!' And then I need to punch something because it's just not that simple for me.

    In your case, were these people trying to stick to the same way of eating in the same highly stressful circumstances as you? I highly doubt it! I bet if you swapped lifestyles they would find it bloody hard to eat 'perfectly' as well. I'm impressed with how you're coping, even if you don't think you're living up to your expectations of yourself. I think allowing the odd treat would make the binges easier to avoid, but I guess the doctrine behind certain ways of eating wouldn't let you do that. I don't think it's slacking off to allow a little flexibility though, at least until you do have a more normal routine again.

    xxx

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  2. Weight loss is miserable I hate dieting of any variety but occasionally I have to have a cut back session to stop me turning into a blimp. I really resent cooking things badly some things just need to be fried in butter and to hell with the consequences. Have you thought of doing and 5 days of diet and 2 days of indulgence which at least gives you something to look forward too. I find this makes me better able to stick to the diet days while I plan something really scrumptious for the days off

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