Saturday, 10 August 2013

Human again

Well, yesterday was a bit of a self pity party wasn't it?
I think you're right, Jess, I reacted to my no snacking experiment on Thursday the same way as I react to a fast day - by clicking into mad binge must eat everything mode. I still think the experiment was worth doing, as it answered a question, even though it wasn't the answer I wanted. I guess I have to accept who/what I am and work with it instead of trying to fight it and impose behaviours that suit other people on it. I am not, by the way, saying that what I am is a fat person, just one who does need to graze... So its back to slightly smaller meals and snacking, especially in the morning, and especially when at work (and by definition bored enough to let the devil find work for idle minds... and appetites)
This morning I had real trouble getting out of bed. Part of that was almost certainly the sugar- and gluten- hangover from yesterday; the rest I think was the sparkling wine I drank last night to cheer myself up (another questionable decision I know). I also realized this morning that while on my mad quest to singlehandedly deprive the world of chocolate bars I forgot to hydrate properly, so I've been making up for that today.
I was completely unhungry first thing this morning. I went to Tesco without breakfast, something I'm usually careful to avoid, and towards the end of my shopping I did feel a bit hungry, but for the moment anyway the idea of eating chocolate etc appeals slightly less than ripping the skin off my own body, so there was no problem waiting to get home to cook my breakfast. As usual once the feeding frenzy passes I can enjoy feeling calmer about food... almost indifferent. If I could feel that way without the binge I'd be so skinny...
I went into Reading this morning. I tried to clothes shop... Ok, I succeeded in buying a couple of dresses for work... and visited an oriental supermarket, plus treating myself to a latte at Starbucks. It was a lovely relaxing morning at a slow amble and I really enjoyed myself (apart from the trying on clothes bit, that's only fun when I'm thin. It was (relatively) cool, which definitely helped.
Food today:
Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs, bacon, and an apple
Lunch: cold meat, cheese and egg salad
Dinner: saag paneer - spinach & Indian curd cheese curry - with turnip rice
Snacks: pork rinds, vintage cheddar, peanut butter

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