Friday, 28 June 2013

Not fair

Rain this morning so no walk before work - but I forgot to take a Nytol last night so I wasn't groggy this morning anyway.
I killed my recent sweet cravings with a tiny amount of Greek yoghurt - about a tablespoon and a half - and honey - a teaspoon at most - before I left the house. I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to so I guess my taste is changing despite my occasional slips on the sweet side.
Now a question - I'd value opinions on this. If you've been here before you probably remember how much I've loved baking the last few years. I haven't been interested for a while, but now I'm missing it much more. The question is, is it better to avoid giving into the urge, or will resisting just make me more and more resentful? I think my choices are 1) don't bake at all
2) bake only traditional stuff I shouldn't eat even ignoring the low carb thing because it contains gluten, with the intention of palming it off on my colleagues or
3) go the route of satisfying the urge by baking fairly paleo / primal stuff - lots of almond & coconut flour, not too much sugar - and risk tripping over one of my many overeating triggers (which observant readers would realise is also a risk in option 2, gluten intolerance notwithstanding)
Crap. I think I've answered my own question... Option 1 is clearly the safest option at least while I'm actively working towards weight loss. Unless I can think of something to bake that I personally don't like, and I'm not sure such a thing exists... Amazing the many good things in life you can lose if you're naturally a binge eating fatso with a desire to neither overeat or be fat...

I had the pleasure of yet another queue in the post office today. Selling on old games & movies is good but the post office here is tiny and not well staffed. Also my foot hurt as I walked there again - so even without the depressing drizzle there would have been no proper walk. And my back aches again, possibly because I was trying to walk with my left big toe curled down from my shoe. I must have looked drunk. Or possibly like a really large duck. Combined with my visiting plans for the weekend it looks like no training or proper walking till Sunday at the earliest. Sigh.

And some more moaning. This afternoon one of the guys in the office brought doughnuts in. I’d love to say I wasn’t tempted but I’m not going to lie to you lovely people. Some of them were coated in chocolate frosting, and I was tempted. Hey, its TTOM and I’m only human (as you pointed out Jess – thanks for the support). While I was battling temptation with all my strength (and winning!) this one guy in the office walked past my desk with 3 different doughnuts – 3!!! and he’s a pencil on legs, I could snap him with one hand behind my back. There’s no justice in the world… 

Food today:

Breakfast: Greek yoghurt with strawberries, flaxseeds & desiccated coconut flakes
Lunch: salad with cold meat
Dinner: very mature cheddar (big lump) with tomatoes, cucumber & celery
Snacks: pork crunch and cashews

Thursday, 27 June 2013


After waking up so early yesterday I took a Nytol last night - then woke up just as early but groggy with it :-( I really envy people who sleep well! All I wanted to do was hook myself up to a coffee iv and sit on the sofa till it was time for work, but given my desire to cut back I had just the one cup and then walked into town - a smidgen under 2 miles in total. It did wake me enough not to be an active danger driving to work, but I felt a little pressured to get ready and out in time. Not that I needed to worry as I sat in my car outside the office for 10 minutes before anyone arrived to let me in...
At lunchtime I had the pleasure of another visit to the post office and as usual it took far too long. Walking down there my toe was quite sore - I seem to have bruised it somehow and my walking boot was putting some pressure in just the wrong place, so I went back to the office rather than walking further. I also didn't train after work due to back ache - I'm falling apart again!!!
I felt quite revoltingly sorry for myself this afternoon - the back thing mostly - and I have to admit I got as far as taking some cash out to go to the vending machine... I put the money away, but I really felt like comforting myself with some chocolate (a Snickers bar to be precise) and it was a close thing. Obviously although I can ignore fudgy chocolate cakes when I'm doing ok all round, my emotional attachment to the sweet stuff is nowhere near a thing of the past (sob). Anyway, I didn’t go for the chocolate, but settled for a couple of strawberries and some Greek yoghurt when I got home.

Food today:
Breakfast: I couldn't face eggs for breakfast so instead I had some Greek yoghurt with strawberries, ground flaxseeds, and Brazil nuts
Lunch: small chicken breast marinated in Nando's hot hot peri peri marinade with salad including a hard boiled egg
Dinner: Omelette primavera (broccoli, asparagus, green bean and leek) with salad
Snacks: beef jerky

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Wednesday, 26 June 2013


This morning I woke up at 4:20 again having tried taking a night off from the Nytol. I forced myself to stay in bed till 5, and that 40 minutes went by even slower than the average 40 minutes in work... Hard to believe as I've always felt the work day passes by in a black hole where time is infinitely stretched... Once I was refreshed by my shower I decided to take a little walk instead of just sitting around till it was time to go out to work, it was literally just a mile round trip into town but the cool temperature was invigorating (though only while I was out in it) and it was good to get my blood moving a little. Especially as I'm still cutting back on coffee - only one full caffeine cup today before switching to herbal tea, water and decaf.

At lunchtime I walked another 2 miles - with a heavy rucksack on the way back as I did some shopping. I'm visiting my parents this weekend and won't have time for my normal weekly shop but if the weather permits I should be able to keep up with it on foot before work & at lunchtime, at least everything but the frozen stuff I generally get. I then yawned my head off all afternoon even though I was marginally less bored than I often am at work. I got confirmation today of my extension at work, not sure why it took so long but anyway… I’ll be staying till the end of October now. I can’t believe that I originally went there for just 6 weeks – and if I leave after this extension I’ll have been there just over 13 months!

After work I did another 40 minutes on the climber, so I’ve had quite an active day! Tomorrow I’ll probably turn into a sloth and spend the whole time on my ass ;-0

Food today
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs
Lunch: Chicken leek soup and Fage Greek yoghurt
Dinner grilled liver, red onion & mushrooms
Snacks: Cashew nut snack pack

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Tuesday, 25 June 2013

No nuts today

I  managed a bit of a walk at lunchtime today - less than I'd hoped for because I had to fit in a trip to the post office as well. There was actually some sun - and not too much wind for a change. After work I dragged myself to the climber, and did the full 40 minutes I'd planned. I've now started using the preprogrammed exercise programs on the machine, though I don't always manage to keep up with it the whole way. But today I did - and sweated like nobody's business!

It was a slightly higher carb (still officially low carb, just not ludicrously so) day and I did feel a bit better for it. So I'll try to keep up with the veggies more consistently from now on.

Someone at work brought in a chocolate cake to celebrate getting married. It was chocolate sponge (two layers sandwiched together with chocolate cream filling, topped with about an inch of chocolate icing and then covered with chocolate shavings... They might as well have melted a ton of chocolate and sugar together then supplied it with a hypodermic needle) No temptation whatsoever. I guess my craving/obsession switch is still stuck at the cashew nut setting.... Although since indulging at the weekend (moderately) the edge is off that too happily.

Food today:
Breakfast: chicken leek soup again - I made a large pot and have little room in the freezer so I have to use it up ASAP. Plus a slice or two of ham
Dinner: more chicken leek soup (only one portion left!) with added spinach and a side of roast asparagus
Snacks: tiny bit of peanut butter, pork scratchings, and (very naughty) medium Costa Coffee latte

No, I'm not trying to cover up a naughty lunch - I ate the pork scratchings at 11 and simply wasn't hungry until dinner time. Yes, that's what I said - I wasn't hungry and didn't eat anyway - almost like an intermittent fast (just a small one) and it just happened!

Monday, 24 June 2013

I crumbled.

I ate cashew nuts on Friday afternoon.

And Saturday

And Sunday

On the other hand,I bought snack packs and ate them in much smaller quantities, so I don't feel as guilty as I could have. But even if they are allowed back into my eating choices, it will have to involve portion control through buying small bags, because when I get started I'm not measuring out a 'portion' I'm eating the bag...

The weekend sucked. 2 viewings on Saturday afternoon so no training or walking (not that the weather was walking friendly anyway), just housework and a hair cut in the morning.

Sunday I tried to go for a walk because of some pains that made me feel training might not be a great idea, and only managed 2 miles because the strong cold wind turned it from pleasure to endurance test (which I obviously failed).

I'm really depressed at the moment. For once I don't think its the weight battle, though I'm sure that its making things harder thanks to increased Cortisol or increased desire to comfort eat or something, but I barely have any inclination to walk or train at all at the moment. In case it's exacerbated by how very very low carb I've been getting some days I have boosted my carb intake a bit - for instance, buying and eating a big punnet of strawberries over the weekend. God knows how my mood will be if that causes a glycogen - water retention related weight uptick though...

I didn’t have the energy to train after work but I did walk two miles at lunchtime

Food today:

Breakfast: ok, I know its weird, but at the weekend I made some chicken, leek & cauliflower soup (I really fancied leek & potato soup but that was the closest I could manage while staying low carb) and I had a bowl for breakfast

Lunch: no longer weird - a bowl of chicken, leek & cauliflower soup, followed by Greek yoghurt

Dinner: Singapore noodles with shirataki noodles

Snacks: Beef jerky

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Friday, 21 June 2013

I love Nytol

Almost 8 hours sleep last night - hurray! I felt so much better this morning when I woke up just before 5 having gone to bed early and actually slept straight through the night! I actually did 30 push ups this morning!
Still cutting back on caffeine - today I had only 1 real coffee then switched to decaf coffee and naturally uncaffeineated teas.
You probably guessed I didn't train last night - I just didn't have the energy. Same goes tonight – still playing catchup!

I wanted to walk at lunchtime but the weather looked rubbish though in the end I could have gone for it. Instead I sat in my car and tried to nap - didn't manage it, but came close and managed to feel very relaxed which was nice.

On the less cheerful hand... I miss nuts! I miss nuts! OMG I miss nuts... After his lunch my boss had a snickers and I was actually tempted to do the same - not for the chocolate or caramel, which didn't appeal, but for the peanuts... Which has me picturing myself buying a snickers, melting it in the microwave to soften all the gunk, then rinsing the melted chocolate & caramel off the peanuts... I didn't, but I was considering getting a pack of nuts from the coffee van to satisfy my craving... It could take longer for me to get over the nuts than it did the chocolate... Someone tell me it doesn't matter and I can eat them again, go on, please....???

Food today:
Breakfast: green monster smoothie (except it was more grey-green sludge monster due to summer berries being blended with purple & green lettuce, under-ripe avocado, and a teaspoon of virulently green spirulina powder. Red / purple + green = ugly.) with plain unsweetened whey protein powder
Lunch: soup (roasted cauliflower & leek) and salad (with feta cheese)
Dinner: Turkey mince Bolognese served over leeks & cabbage
Snacks: home-made low carb meatballs

Thursday, 20 June 2013

My dilemma

Years ago my best ever successful diet was based on calorie counting. I didn't know I was gluten intolerant and didn't count out wheat, let alone other carbs. My husband several times suggested low carbing and I argued against it every time - unhealthy, faddy, unbalanced, unsustainable, too much effort while working away, the list of reasons not to low carb was longer than I am tall.
Then I gained back about 25lbs and when I tried to get it off again it didn't shift - calorie counting stopped working, or I stopped being able to calorie count, call it what you will.
I tried variations on the theme with intermittent fasting but my bingeing tendencies put the kibosh on that and then I decided to finally try low carbing as a way to break free of the sweet trap I felt I was in. I'm not perfect obviously but that's mostly worked in that I eat sweet things maybe a tenth as often as I used to - actually no, less than that - and don't really binge anymore (once in about 3 months after previously bingeing weekly or more often), I feel more in control, I have fewer mood swings even though I quit taking antidepressants. All great things.
I truthfully started this to lose weight,and in 3 months or so I've lost a massive 4lbs. Yes, I said lbs. Yes, I mean only slightly more than 1lb a month (and truthfully again, most of that in the first 3 weeks)
So the dilemma - everything except weight loss is great eating this way. But I am overweight, not just trying to get lower in the healthy weight range. Bit I'm not very overweight - 5 or 6lbs above the top healthy weight for my height. And I've read books that say slightly overweight is healthier than underweight (or even average weight).
So do I stick with what works on every other yardstick, forget about losing those last few lbs (and the others I want them to take with them), buy clothes for the size I am now and stop trying to squeeze myself into the ones I used to wear - and risk getting more overweight with time and relaxation (though so far maintaining at this weight seems really really easy).
Or do I change what I'm doing now to chase weight loss however miserable it makes me, with the plan to go back to this once I've lost the weight? If I do?
I've been calling this a plateau for weeks. That's what got me back on the climber (almost) every evening after work, in an attempt to kickstart things again.

But so far the plateau is winning...

I don't know what to do. Here's a question for you, if you're reading this - have you had a plateau lasting more than a week? If you have, how long did it last? And how did you break it / stay motivated until it broke? I could really use some advice... My knee jerk response, as you've no doubt noticed, is to tweak or change things without necessarily giving things time to have an effect, but I'm sick of that and its got me nowhere so far..

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Its getting worse...

I woke up even earlier today even after training yesterday and hoping that would help. At this rate I may just give up going to bed at all (until I crack up from sleep deprivation). Or I could just buy some more nytol - which I did at lunchtime today..
This morning I was feeling quite pissy and resentful because of the crap night I'd spent, so as usual I behaved in a totally measured, grown up fashion, analysing the problem and devising a strategy... Not. I ate a protein cookie instead. Too sweet (sweetened with artificial sweeteners, which I'm trying to avoid) not gluten free let alone grain free, low in fat and high in very processed protein... As I finished it I was already saying 'why did you do that???' And feeling that everyday feeling of 'you've ruined the whole day you jackass' and 'with that amount of self discipline no wonder your weight is barely shifting' - you know, the usual self-loving, helpful comments a lot of dieters probably make. Then I fed it into my online food diary on www,
Admittedly this doesn't alter the facts above about grains and sweeteners, but I discovered it only had 20g of carbs - which is exactly the allocation by meal recommended by Barry Groves in the diet plan I read first before going low carb. So I was on the verge of throwing the whole day away because of a slip that broke the letter & spirit of my diet plan... but in a way that I can totally live with AS A ONE OFF.
Notes to self: 1) a cookie at breakfast time doesn't make up for lost sleep & 2) don't over-react until you have all the facts. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in my head. And I'm the one who lives there!
Oh yes, and 3) I'm cutting down on caffeine in case I'm just ridiculously sensitive to it, and taking the damn Nytol. If that's not enough I may have to take up meditation... And I really don't know if I can do that...

Under the motivation of buying my Nytol I did go out at lunchtime - and spent 20 minutes wandering around the High Street. It started drizzling so I headed back after walking ooo, at least 0.6 of a mile... I want clear, dry, sunny weather, not too hot and not humid please, then I'll walk at lunchtimes. Clearly the 20 minutes of ambling were not enough to refresh me as I was absolutely knackered half an hour later - as in dropping eyelids and a tendency to a nodding dog impression. I had a mug of decaf (I believe that it still contains a small amount of caffeine) because I didn't want to embarrass myself falling asleep at my desk, but it was still a lower caffeine day - 2 cups (not mugs) of black coffee before work and one mug of decaf after lunch rather than my normal 2 cups & 2 mugs of full caffeine coffee.

Food today:
Breakfast: protein cookie
Lunch: cooked chicken breast and pretty yellow baby plum sized tomatoes of an unknown breed
Dinner: feta cheese salad
Snacks: scrambled eggs (that should have been breakfast) and pork scratchings

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Wednesday, 19 June 2013

And still tired…

I hoped to report being more rested today but in addition to waking at 4:20 I also woke up at 1:40am, so that did not improve matters. Having said that I think missing training last night did help, and I was able to complete my 40mins after work today thankfully, although I must admit I didn’t work full out the whole time.

I was really really hungry this afternoon. I ended up having a mug of Bovril and a mug of decaf with milk in an attempt to not be as hungry, but it only worked to a degree. I guess it confirms what we're always told about the importance of sleep - lacking sleep does make it harder to lose weight. Luckily I still didn't find the refined carb crap in the vending machine appealing (and for once a full working day passed without anyone celebrating a birthday) so there was nothing around I could eat.

Food today

Major shopping fail this week so my breakfast was a tad weird...
I only had one egg because I didn't buy enough, no yoghurt because I ate too much, no nuts because I'm still avoiding them, no milk not that I had anything to go with milk...
Breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, half an (unripe) avocado & 30g smoked salmon mixed with salad dressing
Lunch: salad (bought on the way to work) with prawns and feta cheese and thousand island dressing
Dinner: cold chicken breast with broccoli
Snacks: Babybel & beef jerky

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Tuesday, 18 June 2013


It has now been over a week since I last slept till after 4:20am. I can't think of much more irritating than waking up less than an hour before you usually get up, knowing you rarely get back to sleep in under 30 minutes once awake, and feeling that you aren't really rested but if you do fall asleep again you'll feel worse because there isn't enough time to get more rested. I go to bed at the same time (within about 30 minutes anyway) 7 days a week and get up about the same time - say within 60 minutes - every day so I'd say I keep regular hours as the experts say you should; I almost never drink caffeine after lunch and I train more than 3 hours before going to bed. So what the hell is with this general lack of a decent night's sleep? I keep my room fairly cool, my bed is very comfortable with good support and only about a year old, I don't own pets that jump on my head when they think its time I got up (or children that jump on my head either come to that). I read every '10 / 5 / 7 tips to good sleep' article I come across and usually score well when it comes to matching my habits to their advice... And still wake up hideously early every morning. So frustrating... I've been advised to ask medical advice - which of course means sleeping aids - but I don't want to become dependant on that sort of thing, plus I've heard that the quantity of sleep may go up but the quality goes down... This lunchtime I found myself nodding off while reading a really interesting book (Salt, Sugar, Fat - How the Food Giants Hooked Us) that was not even a little bit boring, so it was genuine tiredness. I suppose I'd probably have been better off walking through lunch, but as I said - too tired... And too tired to train after work too…
I'm also being frustrated waiting to learn if I'm being extended or not... I suppose that could be causing me to sleep badly but I wouldn't have said I felt that strongly about it...  Food today: I wanted a lower low carb day today, though my body was encouraging me to up the carbs for quick energy...

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs with some smoked salmon
Lunch: prawn salad of prawns in Caesar dressing and a bowl of roasted cauliflower and leek soup
Dinner: baked gammon, cheese and tomatoes
Snack: pork scratchings, Babybel cheese

Monday, 17 June 2013

Its just another British summer…

Most of the weekend was pretty rubbish, so just a very quick recap on the high points - if they really qualify for that description.
On Saturday the weather started out looking good enough for a decent walk but I had some knee pains so I declared a rest day. Then in the late morning / afternoon it clouded over completely and eventually rained, which annoys me even when I'm not going out. However, before that happened I did have a high point - on the way to the supermarket first thing I'd spotted a sign advertising a farmer's market in Reading, so instead of walking in I caught the train and went to that, where I found several meat stalls, cheeses, and cheap local free range eggs. I enjoyed shopping there so I followed that with some slow paced ambling around town before catching the train with my shopping.
Yesterday the weather was lousy again. I did slowly walk a couple of miles and my knee felt fine so I went on the climber for 40 minutes, which also went fine (its very low impact on the knees). Apart from that nothing good happened.
This morning I woke up annoyingly early so I got up annoyingly early and was knackered all day. And hungry. And moody and frustrated. I did manage my 40 minutes on the climber after work, which cheered me up for a while. Working on getting it to be a habit… so far its a daily internal conversation about whether or not I’m going to train, but I hope soon I’ll start taking it for granted that I will because that’s what I do…  

Food today:
Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs and some Greek yoghurt
Lunch: feeling lazy, I bought a packaged salad to which I added some baked gammon from a joint I cooked at the weekend and a hard boiled egg.
Dinner : chicken breast marinated in Greek yoghurt and some Tandoori Masala I bought in Brick Lane last time my brother visited, with a tomato & cucumber salad and some asparagus
Snacks: beef jerky

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Friday, 14 June 2013

Blue skies

When I got up this morning (about 5:10am) the sky was blue! Honest it was! By the time I left the house it was a different story, in fact if I hadn't been standing up looking out the bedroom window earlier I might have thought I dreamed the whole thing. Wall to wall clouds - but at least no rain.
I went out at lunchtime planning a 2 mile round trip again - no matter what - and this time I made it, and even got 3.25 minutes of sun!
Three (3, yes, actually THREE!!!) different people brought cakes and stuff into the office to celebrate their birthdays today, and another for her last day at work. Type 2 Diabetes Central! People were walking around complaining about how much cake they'd eaten... hmm, seems to me there's a straightforward solution to that problem... It was reassuring for me, given the moaning about missing carbs that I was doing yesterday, to realise that I still wasn't tempted by them, although it probably helped that the things they brought in were mostly things I was never that fussed about anyway. Except the chocolate stuffed doughnuts, that hurt... Less positively I wanted to eat all morning, and by 11am I had already eaten my snacks for the whole day and the ham that was intended to be part of my lunch. I don't know why it was such a hungry day - I slept ok, I ate a reasonably sized dinner yesterday and my breakfast was no smaller than usual... But regardless, I was hungry!

After the ham and the walk I didn't want the rest of my planned lunch - a hard boiled egg and some avocado - so I just settled for some beef jerky instead. Even then I felt physically full but not satisfied - I hate that feeling, it seems so unhealthy to almost be trying to think of something else to cram in even though I'm not remotely hungry to satisfy what can only be a purely emotional / psychological wanting. Perhaps I was feeling left out of the monster cake-fest??? i didn’t cave in, though by the time I left at 4pm I was seriously considering the mini chocolate muffins just to see if it would get rid of that dissatisfied feeling. I got home and trained for 40 minutes, and strangely enough no longer wanted carbs – yay VersaClimber (still just wussing out on manual programs rather than the ones that come with the machine though). I was very very tempted not to train this evening, but very glad (afterwards) that I did.

Food today:
Experimental breakfast: 1 whole red pepper cut in half, drizzled with olive oil, roasted for 15 minutes, filled with snippets of cooked streaky bacon and an egg in each half, baked for another 20 minutes. It was good but I should have knocked 5 minutes off the cooking time for softer eggs and it's too long a business for a weekday really!
Lunch: pack of sliced ham & beef jerky
Dinner: Turkey Bolognese sauce on Courgette & carrot 'noodles'. And some whixky. Whiskey, I mean… less than a bottle, more than a shot…And some blueberries with single cream
Snacks: the meatballs I made from my meatloaf mix a few weeks ago and Babybel cheese.


Thursday, 13 June 2013

Still fed up...

And another lousy day today. Flaming June my (big fat) ass!
I don't want to spend all my time every post moaning about the weather but. I probably will. It is so frustrating right now, if I didn't have the climber as an alternative form of exercise I don't know what I'd do. Probably try (and fail) to enjoy working out with kettle bells, then flop on the sofa till the skies finally clear... I did try to go out at lunchtime today, planning on a 2 mile round trip to Sainsburys. Unfortunately literally as soon as I cleared the shelter of the office a big rain drop splatted on my cheek and I was lightly drizzled on all the way to the much smaller and closer co-op that I used instead. It didn't turn out to be more than a light drizzle while I was out but a persistent cold wind kept hinting that it might! And it did, after I retreated to the (relative) comfort of the office, so I was pleased not to have gone too far afield.

Yesterday I threw away a few bits of chopped nuts and decided not to buy more for a while. In the evening I wanted to attack M's peanut butter - but resorted to an early night watching tv in bed so that getting some just seemed like too much effort. I'm not remotely thinking about giving the low carb thing up as I still feel much more in control this way, but I'd be lying if I denied that I've been having more carb-related yearnings lately - they haven't reached the height(?) depth(?) LEVEL of cravings so far but thoughts keep popping into my mind and I can only assume I've allowed a little too many carbs to creep back in, setting my body back into carb-mode. I think the nuts are the most likely culprit, hence the decision to go temporarily cold turkey. If in the next week I mention snacking or breakfasting on nuts, please send me a virtual slap on the wrist...

Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with bacon
Lunch: salad with corned beef (British style not American) and a small amount of leftover feta cheese I wanted to use up before it was too late.
Dinner: curried chicken livers with steamed cabbage
Snacks: Babybel cheese, pork scratchings and NO NUTS!!!

Today I miss bread

Sourdough bread from a San Francisco bakery….

Slathered with butter, lightly toasted….

Scrambled eggs (for breakfast) just aren’t the same without a couple of slices of really good bread to lie on





Wednesday, 12 June 2013


Another grey, drizzly, unattractive day today, although it was at least a bit warmer. It helps motivate me to use the climber instead of walking, which may be a good thing for my overall (un)fitness if not for my general sanity. If this keeps up for the whole 'summer' I may wind up climbing the walls gibbering. At least at the moment I have Vitamin D supplements to take the edge off... I didn't bother going out at lunchtime at all, relying on the climber to get my blood pumping. Up to now I've just had it on a manual setting while getting some fitness back, but now I'm starting to feel like I'm almost ready to start the using the programs and pushing myself a bit harder with it. Today I didn’t risk it because I’d been having a weird pain in my right shoulder all day while sitting at my PC; interestingly enough it feels much better now and has done ever since I very reluctantly climbed onto the machine.

My boss told me today that he’s done the paperwork to get my contract extended. It has to be signed off higher up, but if I’m lucky I could be there till the end of October. Considering that the original contract was for a mere 6 weeks I can’t believe I could be there for over a year…and so far anyway I still quite like it there, despite hating IT work and Testing generally.

Food today:
Breakfast: nut 'cereal' with whole milk
Lunch: salad with hard boiled egg, bacon & avocado
Dinner: duck mini fillets fried with coconut oil & dried chilli flakes with a salad
Snacks: small amount of poached chicken breast, beef jerky, meatballs

Tuesday, 11 June 2013


Feeling more rested today thankfully. The weather isn't encouraging me to be active though - drizzle when I got up (and cold!), rain at lunchtime... I had to settle for using the climber after work, and had my lunch at my desk (which never quite feels like a break to me) I had a boring day at work, and would have really appreciated being able to break it up with a walk along the canal... But that was not to be, and what I want to know is, where's the hottest summer on record that we've been promised? Or was that just sarcasm on some meteorologist's part?

After work I made it onto the climber and lasted the full 40 minutes this time. It wasn’t the most energetic 40 minutes ever, but I was glad just to finish the session. Afterwards I was really tired – in a good way

Food today:
Breakfast - Greek yoghurt with defrosted summer fruits, nuts and ground flaxseed
Lunch - leftover Oxtail stew from yesterday's dinner, thinned with coconut milk to give more of a soup consistency
Dinner - chicken & artichoke skillet (recipe from 1001 low carb recipes book by Dana Carpender)
Snacks – far far far far far too many nuts…

Monday, 10 June 2013

The spirit was willing…

A mixed weekend for me this weekend. On Saturday out of the blue I basically lost the will to live, let alone diet or exercise. M suggested going out for lunch, and that cheered me up for a while, but I was having (completely unrelated) digestive issues that were worsened by a rather large meal, so I spent the afternoon in total inactivity, not even watching tv but just settling for lying on the bed reading and periodically hurrying to the bathroom. Lovely!!!

I didn't eat Saturday evening and by Sunday morning whatever triggered the issues of Saturday had clearly left my body, so bright and early Sunday I set off to walk to Henley - but rather than my usual walk, which is about 5 miles, I went a more roundabout route that forced me to start by walking in the opposite direction so that I could cross the Thames and then walk along the river. I thought that route was about 6 - 8 miles, so rather than go the most direct indirect route I decided to walk along a quieter path with less traffic to get to the Thames. Well, I'd walked over 5.5 miles by the time I reached the river - and by the time I dragged myself into Henley I'd walked 12 miles, and had blistered, tired feet... Needless to say, I did not walk home again (though earlier I'd considered it) but caught the train home, grabbed some lunch as soon as I walked through the door, then collapsed in front of the TV for the rest of the afternoon.

Last night I was knackered early and went to bed at silly o-clock, but then tossed and turned half the night. I woke for the last time about 4:20 and did NOT want to get up at all...

At lunchtime today I didn't go far to rest my feet - just popped into town to pick up some pork scratchings for a snack. The weather wasn't very inspiring anyway, so I didn't feel deprived - grey, cool...

After work I changed into workout clothes and headed for the climber. I got on the climber, turned on the TV, and started climbing…  2 minutes in my legs felt like lead… some time later they started shouting at me… finally (finally implies a long time, but sometimes 6 minutes feels long ;-)) I gave up and decided to call today a rest day

Food today:
Breakfast - one hard boiled egg and half an avocado diced in Caesar dressing, served on lettuce leaves & a couple of bacon rashers plus some nuts
Lunch - chicken adobo leftovers
Dinner - oxtail stew with sauteed asparagus and green beans
Snacks - pork scratchings

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Saturday, 8 June 2013


I wrote this yesterday but forgot to post it….

When I got up this morning my legs were quite stiff from the climber yesterday - I deliberately included a few short 'sprints' just to make things more interesting. By the time I finished showering they'd loosened up a bit, but tightened up again every time I sat still for too long. Good enough reason to get up and move around every hour or so... I didn’t walk far at lunchtime because the weather forecast was completely wrong – it should have been warm with some sunshine and that’s what I was dressed for- unfortunately it was quite cold. Then mid afternoon the estate agents got in touch asking us to do a viewing at 7:15 this evening, so I started housework as soon as I got home then couldn’t be bothered to train afterwards, though I had time. My exercise consisted of 1.5 miles walking and a bit of housework.

Breakfast: two hard-boiled eggs and 2 rashers of dry cured bacon chopped up to make egg & bacon salad with some Caesar salad dressing - very tasty eaten mostly with a fork, some of it on a few cucumber slices.

Lunch: salmon fillet prepared according to the Hairy Bikers chilli & ginger salmon recipe and cooked on the barbecue the other weekend and some cold meat

Dinner: cold meat and cheese. And San Miguel beer…

Snacks: mini chicken drumstick roasted with Frank's hot wing sauce (not enough sauce, I was finishing off a bottle, the drumstick was sadly bland); nuts

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Cluck cluck

Well, after my admittedly poor attempt at starting to run yesterday I've been sore all day - not my legs, I'm not that unfit, but the part of me that was squashed into the two sports bras... Love and learn! At lunchtime today I took a relaxed stroll of about 3 miles - I wasn't tracking it so I don't know exactly how far, but it was all on tarmac and I naturally walk faster on firm level surfaces.
After work it was climber day again. Slightly seems like a waste of the sunshine, but if I want to get back in the habit of varying the intensity of my exercise - and I do - I need to put that first or I'll just keep telling myself - and you - that I'm going to start soon / tomorrow / next week/ next year / sometime / never...
Struggled to think of anything to eat this morning... I'm so sick of eggs its just not true, probably at least partly due to eating 4 yesterday (well 3 whole eggs and an egg-equivalent of egg whites anyway). I still ended up with eggs for breakfast though, I just couldn't come up with anything better - though I hard boiled them instead of scrambling them AGAIN.
Breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg and a little deli cooked chicken. And some Greek yoghurt - I need to stop buying it because I'm addicted - but I can't, because I'm addicted...
Lunch: 3 tiny chicken drumsticks roasted with hot wings sauce, hard boiled egg
Dinner: chicken livers sautéed with bacon, mushrooms & leek
Just call me Cluckie from now on why don't you...

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Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Trying to run…

The weather was less appealing this morning than I hoped for, cool and overcast rather than summery, but dry, and it warmed up through the morning enough to let me go out at lunchtime anyway. I had to go to the post office at lunchtime since I'd sold a game on Amazon marketplace and needed to despatch it. Usually that wouldn't have left time for a proper walk, but because I stayed on yesterday I could take a longer lunch today and still work my full hours (well, 4 days worth). It was pretty warm though, so instead of getting sweaty pushing myself to cover the most distance in the time I had I ambled along and only walked just over 2 miles.
It was lovely! After work M was using the climber so I went out instead. I changed into training gear and instead of just walking I tried to alternate walking and (slow) jogging. It didn’t go brilliantly – my knee hurt every step, and I’d made the mistake of wearing 2 sports bras – I didn’t bounce, but it restricted my breathing a bit. I lasted last than a mile – but it’s a starting point anyway.

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs and a little Fage Greek yoghurt with pumpkin seeds
Lunch: Lyn's favourite meatloaf-meatballs with tzatziki sauce
Dinner: cheese-jalapeno omelette and salad

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Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Headache all gone…

Back to work today after pounding my migraine into submission all day yesterday. It was a beautiful day yesterday, totally wasted on me as my eyes were too light sensitive to go out apart from an essential trip to the pharmacy for more migraine pills, and in fact the curtains were closed to keep it out as much as possible. I ate a lot - always do when I have migraines, not sure why unless I'm hoping to make myself throw up because they rarely clear up until I do. Yesterday was the exception, possibly because I recognised it was a migraine sooner than usual and didn't waste any time before starting the migraleve (usually I wait for headaches to get better on their own before popping pills, which never works for migraines).
I ate more refined carbs yesterday - not till evening, but I had a protein flapjack. I do now feel back to normal in terms of not wanting that any more, but its taken 3 days since my first sample on Saturday to feel that way and I'm definitely still bloated from the water I'm retaining due to filling up my glycogen stores, so I feel fat and cumbersome and generally unimpressed with myself. I know I don't have to be perfect all the time (though that would be nice, while I'm supposed to be losing weight) but I also don't need to be setting myself back this much. I want to start recording my food on here again so that hopefully I won't eat food I'm embarrassed to post - not necessarily photos, but just owning up in some way. Starting today.
Breakfast: I've been missing having cereal for breakfast so I decided to fake it by putting some mixed nuts in a bowl and adding full fat milk. Due to their nutrient density its a ridiculously small looking portion, but delicious - and the crunch is just about spot on!
Lunch: a salmon fillet with pomegranate glaze. I bought a pack of these at Morrisons a few weeks ago and cooked them on a barbeque the bank holiday weekend to use them for lunches.
Dinner: burgers in lettuce wraps with salad including coleslaw. The burgers are low in carbs.
Snacks: I planned to make a low carb meatloaf last weekend - using the recipe from Escape from Obesity that I did once before. After mixing the meats and other ingredients I decided it was too hot for meatloaf so I used some of it to make a couple of burgers and the rest to make meatballs, which I cooked and then froze. I defrosted a few for my snacks today. Also pork scratchings.
On Saturday I walked about 7 miles wearing walking sandals, no socks- and got blisters on my feet.
On Sunday I only walked 2 miles (two short trips to Waitrose) but also did housework and spent 40 minutes on the climber. Obviously yesterday was a dead loss - one one mile walk to pick up my pills, which nearly exploded my head, and I thought about trying to get on the climber later in the day and felt sick just contemplating it - so nothing but moving from sofa to bed to kitchen to sofa...
Today I walked 3 miles at lunch time, along the canal in glorious sunshine, and then used the climber after work. I had to hang around an extra 20 minutes at work too – normally I would’ve said there wasn’t time to train, but today I couldn’t do that! I need to make that less of a novelty, more of a - well, habit I guess. Starting now for god's sake, enough of the procrastinating!!!
(I can feel the cynicism washing my way... Yes, I know how often I've said that,or something very like it.... I mean it, I do... But I meant it then too. What the hell happened to me? I used to be able to do this stuff so much better...)

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Monday, 3 June 2013

Poisoned myself…

At the weekend I had chocolate. Lots of it actually.

I’m not sure why I suddenly snapped and went nuts, but I certainly did – borderline binged. I was testing if I still liked it and testing if I could deal with it, and possibly punishing myself for something – I don’t know what – but either way, it was a bad bad bad idea… And I didn’t even enjoy it when I was eating it.

Today I’m laid up with a migraine. I suspect the two things are linked. More motivation to NOT do that again.

I can be really stupid sometimes.

Note for the future… Chocolate is not repeat NOT a food group, certainly not essential to my happiness, and apparently not to my physical well being either.

I would say that I won’t do that again but I don’t doubt that at some point I will. Not for a while though…