Thursday, 11 April 2013

Could do better

I'm depressed today and its my own damn fault. I ran out of clean tights this morning so I had to wear trousers to work instead of a skirt - and I am really, really, REALLY not happy with the way they fit.
I know I ate out yesterday and therefore did not weigh myself this morning. I know I've been a tad constipated for a few days.
I feel lazy, fat and old. I want my old (dieting star) self back. I am the same person who trained on Christmas Day, my birthday and other traditional 'days off' - but I don't feel like her right now. I'm turning into a couch cauliflower and it seems to be beyond me to get myself going again.
I don't like myself right now, I don't like what I see in the mirror, I don't like the contents of my brain.
I'm just so tired of being disappointed by myself, my life, and general existence
I've rarely had such an uncomfortable and miserable day as today... About the only good thing that came of it was being motivated to walk 2 miles at lunchtime to the nearest supermarket - the first time I've done that for weeks.Then after work I did another 3 miles. I bought new tights at lunchtime, so that I can return to wearing my (more) comfortable skirts, though I don't intend to forget how I felt today since it should do more to keep me on the straight and narrow than any amount of just knowing what I should be doing has lately...
Add to all that we're putting our house on the market and I'm having panic attacks over what has to be done and how soon it has to be done, I don't even know why because god knows we seem to move house every 5 effing minutes so it should be second nature to me...
I literally found myself sitting in the loo at work tearfully this morning in a hugely over the top way, I can't believe how pathetic I am, I really can't...
Stay Healthy,

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