Sunday, 18 December 2011

Moan moan moan

I haven’t been posting again because I’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. I’m depressed specifically because I’m not one stone (14lbs) over my ‘cut back now’ weight, and even further from my preferred weight. I haven’t been this heavy for at least 5 years.

I want to get back under control, but I’m trying to be realistic in my expectations given that Christmas is almost upon us and I have every one in my family visiting on several different dates in that period. I’m not going to be a party pooper and ruin Christmas for them, that wouldn’t be fair. And I do want to enjoy the entertaining myself, or that wouldn’t be fair to me, especially as I’m the one doing all the (food related) work! I have been feeling a little bit panicky and ‘helpless’ in the face of the holiday season, but thanks to the kind comments of Jess and dianeuk last time I posted, I’m starting to see how over-the-top that reaction is. I have some weight to lose, but I’ve done it before. I’ve had a stressful life-event in terms of moving house, and maybe haven’t handled it in the ideal way, but apart from some minor signs of not looking after myself properly, including the weight gain, I haven’t really suffered greatly and I’m certainly young enough and fit enough to start putting things right – right now!

I’m pledging to you & myself to at least use the elliptical walker every day, and weather permitting to get some fresh air and walking in every day if possible. I’m not stating a minimum time on the walker or a minimum distance to walk, but I will do that much. I’ll probably let my eating take care of itself till after Christmas (though hopefully getting more exercise will remove some of the desire to eat like a pig & waste the effort) because I want to ease up on myself a bit in terms of the expectations and the condemnations…

I’ve run out of laxatives (not that I took that many, but I was definitely taking them to try to ‘outrun’ the bingeing and I want to cut that out right now) and I’m not buying more. I’m cutting down on the booze except for when people are visiting, because it lowers my general mood & reduces my motivation to exercise while increasing my desire to eat lots. I think these are all manageable targets that shouldn’t trigger the crazy-Chrissie while making me a little healthier even if I’m heavier than I want to be. Oh yes, and I’ll try to post something every day, because although it drops by the wayside every time I start feeling bad, it helps when I do do it. Though I’m not promising the posts will be even a little bit worth reading….

For now I think it’s just more important to take care of the emotional / mental weight than the physical. We’ll see how long that lasts…

Weight: 159lbs

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2 comments:

  1. Glad you're easing up on yourself a bit!

    Your plan sounds like a very good one - it's so tough not to be all or nothing, as I know only too well, but I have total faith that you can stick to your new, kinder plan :)

    xxx

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  2. I'm glad to see that you are not beating yourself up quite so much. I was just wondering what you would have said to me if I had written your blog. Relax and enjoy Christmas then make a concerted effort come the new year. Well that is what I am planning anyway!!!!

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