Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been heading to a mental place I don’t like much, where old habits that I thought were behind me have been sticking up their evil little heads…
Habits like not keeping a food diary, bingeing, and resorting to taking the odd laxative pill after a big food day. And yesterday after bingeing for a couple of hours mid-morning I spent 80 minutes on the elliptical walker even though I was getting numb and painful feet in an attempt to ‘out run’ the food I’d been eating. Then I ate some more. Then in the evening I went out for a meal to celebrate M getting an extension on his contract and ate as though I hadn’t eaten all day. And drank a bottle of wine.
However, under the influence I confessed the above to M, and as a result felt myself shift into a slightly better place – one where I wasn’t being secretive or ‘cheating’ - and therefore resisted the urge to take another laxative before bed.
And today I feel (fat but) almost normal. No urgency to pig out, no feeling helpless. And ready to try again.
So I’m going to draw a line under yesterday and try to forget it happened, apart from the good bits.
Also, it suddenly occurred to me that I’ve been rather stupid…. as you’ll recall if this isn’t the first post you’ve read, I used to live in Wales where a walk into town was a 4.5 mile round trip across fields, which I counted as my exercise per day. I seem to have been kidding myself that a walk into town here (which takes about 15 mins round trip at a distance of slightly less than a mile, on smooth level paths) is equally eligible to qualify as exercise for the day – I wish! Obviously this excludes the two much longer walks I’ve done since moving here, but now that I have reached this discovery I shall know either start training more in the gym, or start walking a lot further around the area!!! Guess which I like the sound of…
Breakfast: Protein smoothie with frozen berries, banana, cucumber, a mixture of spinach, pak choi & cabbage, and a wedge of frozen grapefruit. Topped with whole flax seeds
Lunch: Prawn stir fry
Dinner: Bean soup
Snacks: Greek yoghurt with stewed rhubarb
Weight: Steered clear of the scales today