I feel a bit like I’ve travelled back in time – to just before I started this blog, when I was regularly bingeing. The size of my binges is less now than it was then, but the feeling out of control and worthless is no less because of that.
I didn’t post on Friday because I couldn’t bring myself to write about another binge. I didn’t pot yesterday because although I did better on the diet front I was still feeling a bit crappy and because I’m losing the ability to believe that a binge can be considered a one off past thing that I can move on from. Its a bit pathetic really, as I know I’ve done it before and if anything the struggle now is demonstrating that I’m still the same person I was then, when I managed to stop it if not apparently to work through it. Maybe I’m just getting old, but it feels harder now… or maybe it isn’t harder and I’m just removed enough from that time to not remember it clearly.
Anyway, I’m not giving up on things now. Even though a lot of the time I want to.