Sunday, 3 July 2011

Darkest before dawn

Hi guys!

Sorry to have gone silent on you for a couple of days there, although maybe you needed a break from all my wallowing…

On Friday I took the day off work to go to the doctor. My appointment was in the morning, and the doctor was sort of attractive, which wasn’t what I wanted when talking about some of the stuff I had burning in my brain.. still, he was good, listened, ordered some more blood work in case I am suffering side effects of my restricted diet (including B12 deficiency, Diane, thanks – I checked. Unfortunately Guinness does contain gluten so if that test comes back positive I’ll have to find a less fun way to supplement Winking smile), prescribed me a different anti-depressant from last time, one that’s supposed to be less stimulating / agitating and more calming / sedating (though still a really low dose). I walked to the clinic (about a 30 minute walk) then after my appointment I went for another walk while waiting to get my blood drawn (the appointment was 45 mins later but ran late of course), then after that I walked for about another 25 mins into town for some groceries, then walked home, got lunch, and walked back into town for some more errands…. all in all I walked about 3 hrs in hot weather with no sun screen and my face, neck & chest are now all looking like cooked lobster Embarrassed smile

After all that I think I was dehydrated and maybe had a touch of heatstroke so I had an early night, barely slept, and then got up yesterday to go to the theatre in Cardiff. To say I wasn’t looking forward to it would be a massive understatement, I don’t remember ever feeling so tired, it was hot and sunny again, and I had visions of passing out in the theatre (luckily that didn’t happen Winking smile) It wasn’t one of my better trips though, I spent most of my time in malls, shops and the covered market, barely walked a tenth as far as I usually did, and was bordering on homicidal by the time I went to the theatre because the crowds of tourists were so annoying… I don’t usually mind that, but clearly I’m not at my best these days.

The play was good but not great, The Ghost & Mrs Muir, and the theatre was half empty due to not many people going to plays in the summer so I had quite a good seat. Then it was home to lie on the sofa all evening feeling like death and wishing I had more sense.

HOWEVER, even after once again being awake half the night last night I got up this morning feeling almost human and started the day with 40 mins on the elliptical walker for the first time since – what? Last Friday? I am shattered now but its feeling more like the normal exhaustion of not sleeping for a prolonged period than the life-sapping, hopeless energy-killing horribleness of the last week, so maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel… and maybe that light isn’t on a train… (its not the antidepressants talking of course, I’ve only taken 2 so far and they take 2 weeks to become effective)

Food Friday & Saturday was not good – lots of overeating and no weighing in just yet. But I think I needed it then, and I hope I don’t need it any more at the moment, though that remains to be seen..

Friday:

Breakfast was porridge I think; lunch was a cone (small) of chips & a magnum; dinner was soup. In the middle of the night I had dried apple slices & yoghurt with honey because I was so hungry (genuine hunger – ‘twas a day of many calories but little bulk)

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Saturday:

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Lunch was a 2 course Indian meal – aloo gobi followed by something spicy and wonderful called Chicken Kholapuri,

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Followed by a slice of gf chocolate hazelnut loaf at Starbucks (with a mocha light frappaccino)

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And a massive salad with roast chicken for lunchP1100838

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