Sunday, 24 October 2010

Taking a break

Hoping to come back refreshed and re-inspired, with lots more to write about!

 

I’ll be back…..

Damp Saturday

Saturday looked nice in the morning, but became overcast and threatening quite early on. I walked into Chepstow in the morning, and got drizzled on on the way home!

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I love the morning light at this time of year…

I still enjoyed a nice morning of browsing shops and sipping a lovely skinny pumpkin latte in the coffee shop – with my favourite snack of course!

Food today:

Breakfast: Cottage cheese griddle cakes with blueberries, served with more blueberries, Greek yoghurt & maple syrup – yum!

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Lunch: Massive (very messy) grilled vegetable sandwich

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Dinner: Seafood stir fry, made with a medley of frozen raw seafood

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Snacks: Yoghurt with summer fruits & granola and a pumpkin latte;

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all bran with (for a change!) blueberries!

Weight: 9st 12.4lbs (138.4lbs)

Friday, 22 October 2010

Oops, I did it again

So we won't talk about yesterday except to say that the constipation continued, so did the discomfort; for comfort eating a meal was replaced by lots of chocolate & a bag of crisps. And in the evening I was uncomfortable enough to finally resort to a laxative - which worked this morning so that now I feel almost human again!

Today is my last day at work, so despite yesterday's misbehaving I ate a planned cookie at lunchtime. Indulgent food tastes better when it's planned and accounted for so that it comes without a side-order of guilt and self-loathing - why do I never remember that when I should???

I haven't trained since Tuesday, maybe that's part of why I went off the rails yesterday. I won't have time this evening either as I have an appointment to see the doctor and make sure I get some more anti-depressants, so I'll just have to make up for it tomorrow.


I'm not feeling very inspired by posting at the moment. I'm not particularly depressed or upset about anything, I just don't feel like I have anything to say. Maybe I need a break...


Food today:
Breakfast: Porridge with fruit and strawberry whey

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Lunch: Chicken, black bean & salsa soup with Weightwatchers bread & LC, followed by a cookie....

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Dinner: Salad with a bison ribeye steak

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Snacks: Chocolate mint Protein bar and babybel cheese

Weight today: 9 st 12.5lbs (138.5lbs) - 2 lbs gone overnight, which demonstrates why I was uncomfortable yesterday I guess!

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Wednesday

Last night I baked some of smitten kitchen's blondies to bring to work today (I wanted to use up some chocolate chips in case I had another attack like on Monday and ate the whole bag). I mixed in a 100g bag of milk chocolate chips and some desiccated coconut. Once they were cool I was about to cut them up when I realised that I wanted to eat one... or several, because they smelt so good... so I brought them in to work in one piece to cut up in the kitchen so I would be less tempted by them! It worked! I didn't eat any last night (except a few crumbs that broke off as I removed it from the pan). Slightly ridiculous, I will admit, that I would have been perfectly happy, even greedy, if it came to nicking pieces from a sliced blondie but didn't feel the same way about deliberately cutting myself a piece... I was trying for a vaguely Bounty-bar flavour, and substituted half the butter with coconut oil in an attempt to emphasize the coconut flavour a bit as I didn't have any coconut extract to add. It didn't entirely work - too much coconut, not enough chocolate chips (and I prefer dark chocolate anyway), but I liked the results enough to decide to buy some coconut extract for another attempt at some point (maybe Christmas...)

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When I got home I simply couldn’t motivate myself to train, so I settled for doing some chores instead… and then (almost) total calamity struck – when my router refused to connect to the internet for over an hour! Arrgghh!!! I think it was letting me know that its sick of all the power cuts its been suffering lately (I had to switch it back on again today)

Food today:

Breakfast: Porridge with whey & fruit

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Lunch: Chicken, salsa, black bean soup with spelt bread and LC

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Dinner: Bratwurst sausage in a roll with sauerkraut & german mustard

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Snacks: A packet of ham with a mini babybel (can you tell I was lacking inspiration?)

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and a blondie (naturally!!!)

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Weight today: 10 st 0.1lbs (140.1lbs ) so glad I didn't weigh yesterday, I dread to think what that would have done to my morale...

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Recovering

Feeling fat today because of yesterday's falling off the wagon. In truth it wasn't much of a binge by past standards, though definitely well over maintenance calories. Its just discouraging when things I seem to be improving and then I slip backwards. Ah well, today is another day.... again... always... and I don't feel like eating unhealthy stuff today (so far anyway...) Actually I didn’t eat everything I had planned, as I haven’t felt so hungry today for a nice change!
Training after work - 10 mins rowing machine & 30 mins elliptical walker. I still couldn't be bothered to walk at lunchtime (which was probably a good thing as it rained). I did hope to go for a walk after work, but it rained again – literally starting just as I was about to drive over the Severn Bridge!

Food today:

Breakfast: porridge with whey and fruit

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Lunch: Bean & chorizo soup with a home-made spelt roll & LC. The soup was made by blending a batch of very poor 'baked beans' I made with no recipe in my slow cooker with some gammon stock. It made a surprisingly good soup - shame I can't remember how I made it!

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Dinner: Tofu with peanut-ginger sauce, stir fried veggies and noodles – delicious, even though I used crunchy peanut butter rather than smooth because it was all I had, and substituted broccoli for spinach for the same reason!

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Snacks: Apple with babybel; home-made buttermilk berry muffin

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Didn't weigh today due to the vast (and therefore heavy) amounts of toast I had at supper time in an attempt to 'fix' a bad case of constipation that was making me feel very uncomfortable. It worked - eventually...

Monday

For the first time since starting my medication I actually wanted to binge yesterday. And I mean binge, not just over-eat or eat unhealthy foods - I wanted to stuff myself stupid. sigh.  so I did...

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Sunday

We really enjoyed The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo yesterday (apart, in my case, from a few very disturbing scenes of sexual violence against the heroine – but I did appreciate her revenge!). The movie was very slow moving, but very interesting. We were lazy and watched it dubbed in English rather than reading subtitles. I hadn’t read the book beforehand so neither of us really knew what to expect, but we were both surprised by how interesting it was even when nothing really seemed to be happening… and the Swedish scenery was gorgeous!

This morning I walked into Chepstow, planning to go for my usual Sunday morning Coffee shop treat. I hadn’t realised that today was Hoggin’ The Bridge again (remember I went last year to look around?) so the town was much busier than usual. I wasn’t in the mood for sightseeing, so I went straight to the coffee shop – but it was packed, with a big queue as well, so I headed down the street to Wetherspoons instead. Then I did a little Tesco shopping with left me with a very heavy rucksack (6-packs of soft drinks are bloody heavy!!!) and walked home. It was a beautiful sunny autumnal day – by which I mean it was bloody freezing, and I was inadequately dressed as I haven’t got to grips with the concept of low temperatures combined with blue skies yet. Still, it was…. refreshing, and it woke me up, which I needed after the fuse tripped AGAIN last night – I woke up at 2:45 am to total darkness, no sign of life from the digital display on my alarm clock, and had to go downstairs to reset the fuse switch AGAIN. We’re replacing the fuse box soon and I can’t wait.

Food today:

Breakfast: Toaster waffles topped with Greek yoghurt & raspberry coulis with a side of tinned peach slices – yum!!!

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Lunch: Waitrose Prawn laksa soup – delicious, though the prawns were a little too chewy after microwave heating.

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Dinner: Barbecued Quorn burger with salad

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Snacks: Strawberry & blueberry smoothie; protein bar; toasted teacakes with a cappuccino in Wetherspoons

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Weight: 9st 12lbs (138lbs)

Saturday, 16 October 2010

Saturday

I walked into town today to get my hair cut and do some shopping. I failed with half the shopping, and had to drive back in the afternoon for the hair cut, so it wasn’t the most successful visit – but the weather was lovely so I enjoyed it anyway! Love this sunlight through the trees…

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We’re about to go and watch The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo now, so I’ll let you know what I thought tomorrow!!!

Food today:

Breakfast: All bran with peaches and a poached egg on toast

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Lunch: Mushroom barley risotto with salad and pancetta

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Dinner: Spicy Quorn curry with cauliflower rice and salad

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Snacks: Dried apple (by the large amount!!!); Greek yoghurt with honey;

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protein bar

Weight: 9st 12.5lbs (138.5lbs)

Friday, 15 October 2010

Sleepy Friday

I know I mentioned that we've been having trouble with our electrics, leading to fuses tripping and power cuts as a result. Every time that happens I have to rest my alarm clock, then reset the alarm itself. Last time I forgot to reset the alarm time. It defaults after a power cut to midnight. Guess what time I was woken by the alarm last night???
Good things about today:
#1. Getting back to sleep fairly easily after my alarm went off at midnight

#2. Making a conscious deliberate decision to buy a cookie from the sandwich van as a Friday lunch treat

#3. Yellow raspberries - they taste exactly the same as the red ones, but look kind of funky!!!

#4. Eating my cookie - it was very yummy!!! (I know that looks like I'm repeating myself but the cookie was just that good!!!)

#5. After work training – a mini circuit of elliptical walker and rowing machine

Food today:
Breakfast: Porridge with whey & berries

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Lunch: Chicken & bacon baguette; chocolate chip cookie. I was going to have home-made soup, but couldn't face it... I do love soup most of the time, but definitely need to chew sometimes!

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Dinner: Biesbok steak and a big salad

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Snacks: Punnet of yellow raspberries;

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small protein bar (that wasn't planned, but the raspberries were really really unsatisfying as a snack on their own)

Weight today: 9 st 13.4lbs (139.4lbs)

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Thursday

I trained this morning!!! I was making excuses not to when I first got up, but somehow I found myself getting into workout clothes and climbing onto the elliptical walker... it probably wasn't my best workout ever but it did feel good to finally do something in the morning instead of just excusing myself for not bothering! 40 minutes on the walker, I thought about splitting it up more but decided not to complicate things. The one thing I did do wrong was not eat after training - or before - or at all until I reached work, 2 hours after I got up and over an hour after finishing training. I don't feel its as important for recovery after cardio as it is after resistance training, but I don't think either that I should go without food all night + another couple of hours when there's training in there as well, so next time (if there is a next time) I plan to add in a post training, pre-breakfast snack. I do have a tendency (unless I'm in crazed picking mode) to forget that when I train or walk a long way I need to refuel or I won't be able to keep it up (or resist bingeing)
As of this morning I've been taking my new meds for 2 weeks - this is the point when they should now be fully active. I do feel much better, not euphoric or anything but definitely calmer and more positive about things, and when I feel stressed about things the levels of stress seem more manageable. In fact it's exactly what I hoped for - I felt a bit like I was thrashing around trying to keep my head above water before, now someone came along and gave me a solid rock to stand on, so that I can work out what to do next. On the other hand it could just be that I have less reason to be stressed at the moment, so I'll be sticking with the pills for the recommended 6 months and seeing how I get on over time.

Good things today:

#1. Keeping a promise to myself, and starting the day feeling virtuous!
#2. Resisting chocolate this afternoon – barely, but the main thing is I did it, right?

Food today:
Breakfast: Huge bowl of porridge with whey & berries

Lunch: Roasted root vegetable soup with sprouted wheat bread, jam & LC

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Dinner: Biesbok (South African game) fillet steak with a slow-cooker baked potato topped with LC  & a salad

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Snacks: Apple with mini Babybel; protein bar & nectarine

Weight today: 9 st 13.5lbs (139.5lbs)

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Hi!

How is everybody today? I’m still feeling fairly cheerful despite a weird timewarp effect that I noticed at work today. I was bored out of my mind, but instead of dragging on and on the day seemed to lurch forward hours at a time!

Good things today:
#1. Day 3 not needing to resist the vending machine

#2. Sweaty training – 50 mins on the elliptical walker

#3. Midsomer Murders on TV

#4. The Angry Birds Android app

#5.  A weird change in me.
I am experiencing something a bit strange these days (strange to me, that is - I think it may be entirely normal to the rest of the human race) I haven't lost my appetite the way I was told I might on these pills - in fact, I'm quite often hungry now that I'm trying to persuade my body that snacks should actually be smaller than meals, instead of the other way around ;-) And I don't like the feeling, its not particularly comfortable and unlike an earlier time in my life I'm not convincing myself that 'hunger is my friend', 'I don't feel empty I feel light / thin' or 'that's how you can tell its working...' but, and this is the good bit, I also don't feel that I absolutely must put an end to the feeling right this minute if not sooner. Sometimes I eat part of my meal sooner than I planned to if I'm really uncomfortable, especially if I'm going to train or walk before the meal, but the rest of the time I'm actually getting kind of used to just waiting a bit longer than I really want to if its not time to eat yet. I know that this goes right against intuitive eating principles, but I'm still not ready to trust myself with that yet, especially as I am still adjusting to having the small snacks and the larger meals, but I am encouraged that I might possibly be losing my fat Chrissie's fear of being hungry at last...

Well, I loved the movie yesterday. I wouldn't say it was the most original film I ever watched - in fact it was very predictable - but it was sweet, the characters were likeable, the Tuscan scenery was lovely... it was a good feel-good chick movie, though I didn't bother asking M if he wanted to watch it!!! By the end of the movie I was smiling, and that was a nice way to spend the evening.

Shame I went straight from watching a romantic movie to the kitchen to dismember a lobster for tonight's dinner, but that's life! And wielding my cleaver could be considered therapeutic / stress relieving! Winking smile

I didn't sleep quite so well last night, but managed to relax and not get stressed over it, which was good - probably helped by getting a couple of much better nights in this week. I wasn't feeling energetic enough to train though - I'm so lazy! Still, I managed after work.... I do seem to be finding it easier to motivate myself in the evening at the moment, so long as I get straight into my training gear and get on with it as soon as I get home!

Food today:
Breakfast: Massive bowl of porridge (original flavour this time as I could never taste the cinnamon in the other kind once I’d added the fruit and whey – so why have the extra sugar?) with whey & summer berries

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Lunch: Roasted (Levi) roots soup, to which I had added some roasted smoked gammon from the freezer, with sprouted wheat bread spread with LC.

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Dinner: Fish pie (salmon, hake & lobster in parsley sauce, topped with mashed potato & cauliflower) with salad

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Snacks: apple, babybel light; nectarine; small protein bar

Weight: 140.4lbs

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Rested

I actually had quite a good night's sleep last night!!! I don't remember lying awake for ages before getting to sleep, I don't remember frequently checking the clock in the middle of the night (I think I woke once around 1 am then went back to sleep) and I didn't wake up until almost 5am this morning. Best night for weeks! Of course its not enough to catch me up, but its a much better start to the day!
No morning training today because I didn't want to wake my Mum up that early. I didn't walk at lunchtime either; for some reason I'm feeling increasingly apathetic about lunchtime walks. I think its because they're too short and same-y due to having to fit them into my lunch break. Knowing that after next week I'll be unemployed again means I don't feel the need to find a way to fit walking into my working day here for the longer term, so unless I have a specific destination in mind, I just don't feel like bothering. Not like me, but I guess if you compromise too much you can spoil the things you love! However, in the evening I did a circuit straight after work - 10 mins on the rower, 20 min interval program on the elliptical walker, and 10 mins on the stationary bike. I tried to make the rower and cycle sections into more interval-y workouts as well, as I want to up the intensity of my workouts for a change of pace, especially if I'm not walking much.

Good things today:

#1.Sleep!
#2.Day 2 living in a world that contains wine gums without craving them / obsessing over them/ buying & eating them – in fact, the vending machines held no appeal for me today!!!
#3. Sweaty training
#4. Making more progress thinning out the contents of my freezer - soon I'll be able to reintroduce my semi-veggie lifestyle without feeling guilty about the amount of food piling up in there!

This evening I'm watching Letters to Juliet. I saw the trailer a while back and thought it looked like quite a sweet, fun romantic movie. I know that's a change of pace from The Crazies at the weekend and my fondness for post-apocalyptic sci fi, not to mention my TV viewing preference for murder mysteries, and my love of books about serial killers... but I'm not totally devoid of romantic sensibility... Has anyone seen it? I'll tell you what I thought of it tomorrow.

Food today:
Breakfast: Massive bowl of porridge with whey & summer berries

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Lunch: Chicken, vegetable & barley soup, with sprouted wheat bread spread with jam and LC.

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Dinner: Spaghetti Bolognese with salad

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Snacks: apple, babybel light;

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nectarine

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Weight: 10 st 1lb (141 lbs)