Thursday, 16 September 2010

Ow ow ow

was right to think the novelty value of DOMS would wear off - today it hurts to walk and I'm heartily sick of it already!!! I'm having to force myself to get up and move around periodically in the hope that my legs won't seize up altogether... I didn't train this morning as I figured that my body could do with a rest - of course it didn't get one yesterday, between ellipticising and then walking with my rucksack, so maybe its my own fault...
I confess I did go for a walk at lunch time - but cut it shorter than usual. I wanted to get the blood moving in my legs, but it didn't ease them as much as I hoped, I could feel my thighs protesting with every step and I felt like my stride has about half the length it usually is! It took me longer to get where I was going - to the local garage shop - than usual, so I think perhaps it actually was! The garage shop was giving away free cookies - and I didn't take one! Although I rewarded myself for making the effort to walk with 5 mini eggs after lunch.
I'm feeling a bit preoccupied with other people's perception of me at the moment - or to be precise, my perception of what their perception might be - how convoluted is that? Here's the thing: I'm a volume eater and a snacker. I know these things, so I eat mostly low calorie of versions of foods if they're available (I wish I was one of those people who can truthfully say they are more satisfied by 10g of full fat 'X' than 50g of reduced fat 'x' but I'm not - I'd want 50g of the full fat version, and possibly more... even when I'm not actually binging.), add water to soups and generally create volume / bulk with as few calories a possible at every opportunity. I'm becoming a bit self-conscious about how much I eat at work, because for the first time since I left my last contract there is somebody around to witness how many times I go to the kitchen or take food out of my drawer - and its making me feel like a real pig, even though I know from my food diary that I'm actually not eating excessive calories most of the time. So why do I care? This particular colleague isn't much of a snacker - he rarely bothers to eat until late morning and doesn't eat anything after lunch- but what he does eat tends more towards chocolate, crisps and big sandwiches than salads, low fat yoghurt etc, so its not that I feel he's 'showing me up' with his healthy lifestyle, but I'm still getting a bit paranoid about it. Even though he's never in any way commented on food or my eating or showed any interest whatsoever. I guess I really do look for things to obsess about - either that or my ego is so much bigger than I think it is that I can't help expecting the people around me to be constantly observing my every move...  Anyhow, it is actually affecting my eating patterns. I know that feeling guilty about what I'm eating can push me into bingeing, which obviously I don't want, but more than that, I've started eating my morning snack earlier than I otherwise would - earlier than I want it, even, some days - just because I start work before him and I want to 'get it out of the way' before he comes in. Thereby increasing the possibility that I'll be hungry before lunchtime and eat more food. Or binge. AND I'M DOING IT TO MYSELF. I'm pathetic... And I only just figured out that this obsession is leading to my watching what HE’S eating!!!
Food today:
Breakfast: All bran with a banana

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Lunch: Roast roots soup with toasted lite bread & LC, 5 mini eggs for dessert

Dinner: Yesterday's slow-cooked lasagne, which I turned on when I got home (reheated in the microwave) and salad – it was crap, I ate the portion today because I had nothing else ready to go and binned the rest

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Snacks: Greek yoghurt with granola; Greek yoghurt with summer berries; a small protein bar to boost my protein for the day. And a berry muffin because the dinner was so unsatisfactory

2 comments:

  1. I can really relate to that Chrissie, I'm very much a volume eater to. A work collegue actually commented on the size of my salad once and it made me really paranoid. You just need to keep reminding yourself that what your eating isn't calorie dense - its nutritionally dense and is giving you and your body what it needs far more than what your work mate is consuming! I laugh as my husband eats far far less than me too, but what he's eating is far greater in calories and fat!

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  2. Argh, I had written a humongous comment then managed to delete it...basically I was saying that I feel your pain over this, I feel like I'm eating all the fecking time, but I actually feel less conspicuous in my new office as I'm at the back of the room and I actually have a *GASP* partition!! (though I am getting rather fed up of certain gawkers walking past and staring directly in at me but that makes me uncomfortable for non food related issues and is a whole other story.)

    One of the managers in my current office only eats once during the working day (that I see anyway) but it'll be a massive chicken fillet baguette with a bag of crisps so he's probably consuming more than I am caloriewise. And I take oomfort in the fact that whenenver "communal chocolate/sweets" appear in the office he'll be up and down like a jack in the box eating it!

    I know it's easier said than done Chrissie, but you have to try and focus on looking after yourself and not worrying about what your colleague is thinking about. If he's like most men he probably wouldn't be able to name one thing you ate during the day (whereas you'd be able to calorie count his food intake for a week heheh...)

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