Monday, 8 February 2010

Struggling big time

Uninspired today because it has to be a housework day again! Mum & her OH are coming over tomorrow and as always I want to stop her realising that she raised a messy slob ;-) Where did I leave that hoover??? I was feeling very down this morning because my shoulder is bothering me (I think I slept on it funny, nothing more, but its really painful and it hurts to turn my head as well) and because it was hurting yesterday as well I slept really badly so I’m very tired. So as always I wallowed in refined carbs for comfort this morning. I had to shop for some food for Mum & her OH tomorrow, so I walked into town. During my walk I was (mostly) internally talking myself into an ever deeper foul mood (am I the only one who does that? I mean I KNOW its a stupid thing to do and everything, but when I get down its so hard to break that ever decreasing circle of negative / miserable thinking) so while at Waitrose I bought a 2 pack of New York Cheesecake slices. I ate one of them outside the shop and threw the other one away so I couldn’t eat that as well, but I wasn’t finished… a bag of Salt & Malt Ridge Cut McCoys crisps and a Cadbury’s Creme Egg later I think I’m finished… but that may be temporary as I’m now pissed off with myself and that doesn’t usually lead to rational or healthy behaviour… I don’t know why I’m struggling with my motivation at the moment, I think its a combination of depression at the fruitless and soul-destroying job hunt combined with the fact that February just is a depressing month… and to be fair, being tired and in pain doesn’t help… I’m sorry for whinging and whining guys, but right now I need to vent some before I burst!

In case I’m not done eating – and generally just for the sake of half-way decent health – I made it onto the elliptical walker this afternoon for a 40 minute ‘Glute Burn’ program. Well named, it burned! And I sweated, panted for breath, and killed 40 minutes of good eating mindlessly time – win win! Now I’m listening to the wind rising outside and wondering how soon I can realistically go to bed…

Food today:

Breakfast: All bran with peaches and toast with laughing cow & jam

Lunch: Split pea veggie soup and laughing cow on nimble

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Dinner: Left-over seafood pizza (home made by me, 3 slices in total but one of them became an afternoon snack in a desperate attempt to avoid adding more excess calories) with salad, followed by a truly tiny sliver of my Christmas fruit cake. Today I made the mistake of discovering that I used SO MUCH rum & sherry when I made it that it won’t actually freeze – it’s edible straight from the freezer! Bad discovery for a binge-prone would be maintainer to make on a binge-inclined Monday…

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Snacks: See above… 

Weight today: 10 st 4.5 lbs

3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry that you are in a bit of a state. I do understand it, and it is no fun. I have no decent advice on the job hunt other than do not take it personally. It's not your fault and the right thing will come your way in time. In the meantime, well, I hope you find some peace about it all. And yes, February, is well, February and just plain ooky.

    I hope your tomorrow is a better day!

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  2. Hi Chrissie. I think you did really good to hold it where you did. I slice of cheesecake, 1 pkt crisps, and a creme egg. Not a complete disaster. And you probably burned off the cheesecake on the elliptical. Not to mention the housework.

    I know how difficult it is to stop once it starts. Believe me. So you did well. Don't be down on yourself.

    I'm sorry your job search isn't going well at the moment. Not much I can say about it as I don't know anything on that score. Hopefully someone will recognise your skills very soon.

    Hope you have a nice time with your mum and her OH tomorrow. And don't stress about todays food intake. Are they still on their diet? If so it should be easier to stick to healthy eating.

    Maybe a heat pad for the shoulder? The Bear has one which is just slightly larger than A4 size, flat and the outer covering is freecy. It plugs in like a mini electric blanket. Lighter than a hot water bottle and more constant heat. Maybe something like that over your neck and shoulder?

    Bearfriend xx

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  3. I definitely recognise one of those days :( I hope you're having a better day today. You shouldn't worry too much about VENTING on the blog, that's what it's here for surely? ;)

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