Friday, 18 September 2009

Successful day - mostly. I think. Except the bits that weren't

Started the day with the all bran and mixed fruit you saw in my earlier post. I then took a protein bar with me and walked over the fields into town again. It's harder work walking that way because the ground is so uneven, so I was quite out of breath a few times! I did a little shopping in town, then went home and drove instead of walking to Chepstow for some bigger stuff I couldn't carry home on foot. As I walked up and down the aisles in Tesco I found myself looking for chocolately yumminess to buy and scoff... I don't know why, except that we were having some people stop by this afternoon and I'm very inept socially in the real world - I get over-anxious about my hostess abilities. But I screwed down the 'I need a calming binge' feelings and only bought what I planned to!!! Yay me!
For lunch I had an Innocent Veg pot - Mexican sweet potato chilli - with some green beans. It was very tasty!

In the afternoon I had a Nakd Apple Pie bar for my snack. It was pretty good - I'm liking these raw bars more and more these days.
M's friends popped by about 3:30 and there was a little coffee drinking, some beer, a lot of talking and laughing, and some wii playing till they had to go. It was fun - not as scary as I expected, though I did manage to f*ck up at the end. I was about to ask them if they wanted to stay for something to eat, when the guy said they had to leave because he'd promised his daughter they'd be back at a certain time. So I didn't make the offer because if I'm the guest, and I'm offered food, I always feel I have to say yes - and feel uncomfortable if for some reason I can't. I genuinely didn't say anything because I didn't want to make him / them feel the way I would in their place - but now I just feel like a crap inhospitable hostess for not doing so. (and I'm afraid that M thinks I am too) I hate being so rubbish at social situations. Why can't I be one of those people to whom this stuff comes naturally? Please don't hate me for being so weird and neurotic about this stuff, I don't know what comes over me except it feels like a sort of verbal paralysis... aaarrrggghhh, I'm an idiot. I was a very shy child, and in the real world still am, and I guess this is just a hang-up from that. The annoying thing is, I'd come up with a plan for feeding them upfront - I was going to offer them home-made pizzas and let them chose from a load of toppings. So after they'd gone, pizza is what we had - mine was a vegetable pizza - with home-made oven chips. The picture doesn't look great, but it was tasty if you ignore the stressed rock in my stomach. And the slight tears thing going on right now. I really need to work on my social skills.

On the slight - very slight - plus side, the said rock in my stomach means I don't feel like binging any more...Free Emoticons
Supper (forced down for protein): Fromage frais with a bit of St Dalfour Mirabelle Plum jam


  1. Ease up. It was and will be fine. You aren't being judged as harshly as you THINK you are. If it was a faux pas, which I don't know that it was, just let it go. You'll do differnt next time. I understand the social anxiety thing. Dry those tears right up and don't let unfounded shame ruin what was a great day.

  2. Oh and that sweet potato chili looks wonderful. Did you make it? Recipe?

  3. Dear Chris, absolutely no social f**k up at all that I can see. They had to go anyway so no worries. If M wanted them to stay for food he should have asked them himself - they are his friends and he is your husband after all. So he had the responsibility. Why is it YOUR fault they weren't asked? Tell him HE should have asked them if he felt so inclined. He does have a tongue in his head and a working brain attached to it.

    You were NOT being a crap hostess. You were being really considerate towards those people based on your own experience.

    No need to feel bad at all or cry. M should be more supportive.

    No-one would ever hate you for worrying about these things. Everyone gets nervous when entertaining their partner's friends.

    Don't ever feel bad about this stuff again. I bet they had a great time.

    I must look out for Innocent Veg pots. I think I've had a veg curry of theirs not so long ago but I only got it because it was reduced. They're very expensive. But they are good!

    Home made pizza looks good too. I think it's another thing that makes you a good hostess - that you were going to let them have the fun of choosing their own toppings.

    You're such a kind, thoughtful, considerate person Chris. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Just remember to love yourself because you're pretty damn perfect as far as I can see!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx