Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Getting a grip

I realised this morning that I've been home from my holiday for approx. 2 and a half weeks. I'm still not back to proper healthy eating (though its improving - most of the time) and I'm still using that as my excuse. Its time to stop messing around and get my a$$ into gear. I said I would maintain till my birthday, but instead of maintaining I'm yo yo-ing around, within about a 3 lb weight range. It's not as if I'm even enjoying myself all that much - if I were eating delicious, exotic food I'd actually be a lot more willing to accept this temporary gain, but instead I'm eating rubbish - in quantities that make me feel uncomfortable - most of the time, and then feeling guilty and stupid for doing that to myself. Even though yesterday was much better (not perfect - but I'm not shooting for perfection, that's too much pressure) this morning I'm fighting the urge to buy a cooked breakfast from the canteen. It's not even particularly good food, they provide the same things every day - and my body is urging me to go for it as though it were my one last chance. I might well decide to have one next week - as if I do leave it will become less available - but that will be instead of my usual breakfast, not as well as it. SO SHUT UP BODY, NO NO NO, NO!!! AARRGGHH!!! Chocolate mousse! Oh well, starting tomorrow... no, now! The rest of the day can still be salvaged! My exhaustion from the weekend is finally clearing, so I will train tonight. And switching my planned pasta dinner for a veggie stir fry will cut 100 calories out... not so bad after all! I wish I had more self-control, but I guess as long as I can meddle with the rest of the day to compensate (without having to starve myself AND train for hours to do it!) its not worth feeling too bad about. One thing it does do is set a precedent of not sticking to what I said I would do for even one day, which does make me feel like a failure. But then again, before I went on holiday I also said that I would be returning to the plan for eating that allowed me to lose my weight in the first place - no guilt about eating anything that fits into my calories, and not too much guilt about things that don't, since that leads to a cycle of self-hatred and comfort eating. So I won't think, "Boo! I ate chocolate!" Instead I'll think "Yay! I didn't eat a cooked breakfast AND chocolate!"
Food today:
Breakfast:
All bran with strawberries, protein smoothie AND NO TOAST / SAUSAGES / BACON / EGGS....
Lunch:
Houmous and pepper sandwich (yum! much love... I could eat this every day, especially if the houmous is Tesco sweet chilli flavour. I must experiment with making my own houmous, with whatever flavourings I fancy), salad topped with bean burger from last night. This was tasty, and more flavourful than I expected cold, but a little bit dry - I'll add some salsa or relish next time. Followed by chocolate mousse. Eh.
Dinner:
Huge vegetable stir fry with rice stick noodles - ended up slightly less huge than intended because I forgot the beansprouts & the bamboo shoots... that'll teach me not to check my food diary plan!
Snacks:
Fromage frais with raspberries and peaches
Weight: 10 st 7.5 lbs (147.5 lbs)
Training plan - 1 hour elliptical walker? The weather doesn't look good for a walk though that's what I'd prefer. EDIT: rained all day pretty much - but I managed the hour's training with the help of my ipod

1 comment:

  1. Hi Chris. I think you did really well with the eating - great retraint with all that temptation! And you didn't let the rest of the day slide after that choc mouse. This is the most difficult thing in the world to pull off. It's so easy to give up at that point ...

    And well done with getting an hour's training in. Music always helps me too.

    You're definitely getting there.

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

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