Friday, 12 June 2009

Introducing Me

I am starting this blog as an online diary and to try to make myself accountable for some unhealthy choices I'm making, and habits I'm forming. Several years ago I was overweight and started a calorie counting diet. Now, I'm 7 lbs lighter than the target weight I set back then, and have kept the weight off for nearly 2 years.
That sounds good, but there's a problem. To lose weight successfully using calorie counting you have to be (I believe) a little bit obsessional about it. My obsession is not going away now that I'm maintaining. The other problem is that I don't find maintaining anywhere near as satisfying as I did losing - so whenever I weigh myself and the scales haven't shifted, instead of feeling like a success I feel like a failure. Which has started to trigger one of 2 equally unhealthy behaviours - either I decide to restrict my calories, or I feel so demotivated I fall completely off the wagon. Even if I do restrict my calories, I'm so much lighter now that I don't see the results I used to, which takes me right back to the falling off the wagon thing.... and the guilt, and the depression that follows....
What I want to achieve, with the help of this blog, is to retrain my brain into healthier paths. I want to be able to eat normal, real food, in normal, real amounts. I want to keep my body healthy by fueling it properly and exercising it properly. Most of all, I want to free myself from the obsession and start living a fuller, more rounded life with new experiences and fewer regrets.

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