Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Getting back on track

Well, I didn't manage to train yesterday and I did some more picking at food as well - probably why my weigh in today was disappointing (140.25 lb, or 10 st 1/4 lb). I must stop picking - so today I've got no money at all in the office and can't buy extra food at work. I'm feeling sort of motivated to get back below 140 lbs so hopefully today should go better.
I need some fresh vegetables tonight, so if its dry I'll walk into town after work, and if not I'll detour on the way home and then train in the dryness of my own home. I'd like to combine the rowing machine, the cycle and some kettle bells if I do train at home.

Next week M starts work and won't be around in the evenings. This will be depressing and lonely, but also will make it easier to eat right since he has been eating quite unhealthily lately and I find it hard to stay on track myself when he doesn't. I know that sounds like I'm blaming him, but I'm not - I know he isn't force-feeding me with pure lard or anything - its just that I tend towards a 'well why should I bother if he's not?' mood. Its stupid because I'm determined not to regain the weight I lost, and that should be a good enough reason 'to bother when he's not', especially as I genuinely did lose the weight for myself and not for him. The other advantage is that I feel more inclined to train when he's not at home. With any luck I'll get back into a more focussed mind set while he's doing this work and form some healthier habits and attitudes for when he finishes up again. Previously when he wasn't around so much this didn't happen because I was in a binging place a lot of the time - at least partly due to the contraceptive pill I was taking, which I have now changed. This time round I want things to be different, its time to get some habits in place that will make it possible to maintain for the rest of my life without the struggling. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks - even if it isn't easy!

All bran with strawberries and soya milk
Salad with feta cheese, Spicy cajun tomato cup a soup
Basa fillets with roasted butternut squash and peas
Seeded flatbread crackers * 2
Fromage frais with raspberries and peaches

Feeling relatively peaceful about the food right now. I replaced my morning smoothie with extra all bran & strawberries - I wanted the fibre, but lets not go there.... ;-) and didn't feel my normal need to eat all my snacks in ten minutes flat. I actually brought some Nimble bread to go with the salad for lunch but forgot to bring my normal laughing cow triangle and couldn't bring myself to eat the bread dry so I substituted a cup a soup for the bread and cheese - and didn't even eat the soup until 2 pm - a record I think! Not sure if the past few days picking and nibbling have left me wanting to not feel as stuffed today, or if I'm slowly regaining control, but I'm not pinning too much hope on that just yet!

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