Friday, 19 January 2018

Back in work

But still not 100% and decidedly uncomfortable.
My ankle is wearing an elastic support bandage which, together with my inserts for the plantar fasciitis is making that shoe feel quite tight. I'm guessing that it's also trying to swell up again having been worked harder than for the last week, plus not being elevated any more. I'm not claiming it's agony or anything, but it's definitely not comfortable.
I was, apart from that, actually quite pleased to get back into the office this morning as working from the spare bedroom (sprawled across the bed to keep my ankle elevated) was getting very boring. I can't pretend to be a social animal, but the only time I crave complete isolation is when I'm in the depths of despair, and 5 days of it was too much.
However my ankle is aching now...

Thursday, 18 January 2018

That went well

Obviously my spurt of daily (work day) posting didn't last long! That's not because I've been depressed or miserable or bingeing and drinking (although I haven't been sticking to my diet very well in terms of food quality). it's just that I've been working from home since spraining my ankle, which a) makes it feel less like a work day and b) means that I'd be in danger of killing any readers through sheer boredom.
My ankle is healing slowly but it is, currently there's less swelling and a massive greeny yellow bruise extending up the ankle and across half my foot.
The boredom is why I've struggled with food, plus the inactivity means of course that I should have lowered my calorie intake and haven't. On the other hand, not leaving the house for days makes it difficult to spend money on crappy food so cheap living!
Not driking is getting harder instead of easier. I think this can also probably be linked to boredom. Plus of course I never drank so excessively that I'd be feeling a great deal better - I don't suffer regular hangovers or anything - so the measurable benefits of not drinking are less obvious and motivating. i don't doubt its still benefiting my health, just not observably (is that a word?)
I spent yesterday working on a coding challenge for a work training course. Had I been in the office I would have asked for help quite soon on. As it was, I only asked for help with the last little bit, which did make me feel great!!! However today I'm missing the training session that set the task, so I won't get to brag about it!
Anyway, I WILL be back in the office tomorrow. A week's rest is enough, and if I hadn't gone in last Thursday i'd already be back. Probably.
We've been relatively lucky with the weather, missing the worst and seeing no snow. Apparently last night the wind was around 50mph but I took night nurse and slept right through it - yay!

Thursday, 11 January 2018

At least I have two legs

I think I sounded pretty positive about moving around more when I posted yesterday. I felt it anyway. I seem to remember mentioning using the stairs as a specific baby steps thing I was doing.
This is quite ironic now.
Because yesterday, as I arrived home after work and walked down the stairs from the garage to the house, I misjudged the bottom step and in the process of falling down the bottom two steps, sprained my ankle.
Someone somewhere is laughing his/her/it's head off.
I'm actually feeling more cheerful about it than you might expect. A healthy dose of paracetamol and codeine merits not too painful, although thanks to the swelling there's no bend or twist in the ankle which means that anything other than a smooth level surface is a pain - literally  - and I'm trying not to drink too much so that I can avoid too many bathroom breaks, but I managed to limp in to work today (probably shouldn't have but I didn't want more sick leave)
I've sprained this same ankle three times now and this time is so far looking less sprained than either of the other times. Or can you develop an immunity when you do the same damage repeatedly?
Of course you can't, I know that. I might be dehydrated  or delirious.

Wednesday, 10 January 2018


I'm really really tired today so apologies in advance if this is incoherent as well as more tedious even than usual.
Yesterday I had a day off work because I was expecting a delivery - a divan base and headboard for a double bed, so definitely not something that would fit through the letter box! It arrived at around 9:30 in the morning so I didn't have to wait in all day for it. M had suggested I slide it into the room (we have wooden floors in the halls) and remove the packaging and leave it for him to set up for / with me and that was my plan until I realized it was raining and lost interest in my plan to take a long walk. So I sorted it myself. The base was awkward but not too heavy ; the headboard was both awkward AND heavy particularly during the stage of fitting it to the base ; and the mattress which had been lying on the floor was both awkward and holy crap that's heavy. Really it was silly to do it alone, but I get like that sometimes, and I succeeded, and was only as exhausted as you'd expect a double marathon runner to be at around mile 50 (have I mentioned lately how unfit I've become?) but luckily there was a nice new double bed to collapse on to recover.
That took until about 10:30 and the recovery took until lunchtime so I had lunch, waited for the library to have lunch, and then walked down town to return some library books and buy a couple of bits from Aldi. All in all, including hoovering the downstairs and walking into town I walked just under 4 miles. Monday I walked just over 4 miles. So on the exercise front I've definitely been happier the last couple of days.
I listened to another meditation while recovering from my furniture related efforts and it was an interesting one for me because it was about Forgiving Yourself, which is of course not something I'm good at. I hold grudges, particularly against myself. I will try to remember the phrases to repeat to myself every now and again.
I'm still Dry January
I'm still trying to be good with the food.
I dug out some (virtually unused) resistance bands yesterday and used them to try to build strength in my arms. I plan to continue doing that.
I'm really tired because I got very little sleep last night, and I'm still a bit disgusted with myself on the weight front. But there's more good than bad, I think.

Monday, 8 January 2018

I'm depressed

Not DEpressed, just depressed...
All last week, while being (relatively) good on the food front I kept forgetting to weigh myself, which I like to do when starting a diet for a benchmark starting point, call it what you will. Eventually on Saturday I remembered.
Holy crap I'm fat. It's official - because the number I saw was the largest number I've ever seen on the scales. Only by a couple of pounds, but it is even higher than it was when I cried my eyes out and then started the diet that was supposed to be the diet to end diets. And it was, for more than 5 years. But what that means is that now I have to do it all over again only now I'm nearer 50 than 40.
On the one hand I'm very motivated now.
On the other... I have to do it all over again only now I'm nearer 50 than 40.
I'm gutted that I let that happen. Not all of it was entirely my fault, bearing in mind the mirtrazapine disaster, but I'm heavier now than I was then, so it's time to quit blaming that.
More in need of positivity than ever today :
1) Still dry - made it through the weekend!
2) listened to some more guided meditations. Even if that did teach me that it's probably better to wait until the cold is completely gone before trying alternate nostril breathing. And three minutes can feel like a long time....
3) no binge following the weigh in. No booze following the weigh in.
4) all the diet shows are on the TV and I'm watching them all
5) still writing! And helping a colleague / friend who is also writing with the horror of redrafting

Friday, 5 January 2018

Three in three!

This could become a habit....
Still unmedicated, still not depressed, and hopefully still mostly sane.
The sun is shining in Cardiff (although it's freezing cold and windy too) and it's Friday!

I decided to make notes of things that I do towards the goal of improved health every day (if I remember) so I can give myself positives to focus on.
1) still dry
2) there's been free cake in the office all week - I haven't touched it. Likewise leftover biscuits brought in by a colleague
3) when I remember and I'm not walking with someone I'm taking stairs instead of using the lift
4) today I walked up and down the station instead of standing still while waiting for the train
5) so far I've eaten the lunch I've brought in even though it seemed boring rather than giving in to the urge to buy something more interesting but less healthy and more expensive
6) yesterday I listened to a 7 minute guided meditation on the subject of 'change' on my Echo Dot (Christmas pressie)
7) started writing again yesterday - really important to my mental health
8) blogging three days in a row

I hoped to get to 20 but I guess not this time!

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Two posts in two days...

Thanks for being encouraging Joy and Diane :)
I'm between books at the moment, having finished the first draft of a second book on Tuesday. I'm not happy with the ending but can't work it out just yet, so I'm a little stuck with the 'real' writing.

On the health front my cold is still lingering on and I was awake most of the night because of the congestion I was struggling with. I actually had to prop myself up with an extra pillow to get back to sleep!

Yesterday my 'moving more' plan consisted of climbing 3 flights of stairs. I descended them 3 times and climbed them once, taking the lift the other times. Needs work - but then I'm not 100% yet.

On a more positive front I forgot to mention yesterday that I'm doing Dry January - and so far that's going well. Yes,i know it's only the 4th, but still. Good is good!