Tuesday, 11 December 2018

Wild and wet weekend in Wales

The weather and my mood – as I spent a lot of the weekend in a highly emotional state. Can you develop SAD if you never had it before?
Saturday despite the weather I managed to get very out and about, making 2 shopping trips on foot and walking over 7 miles. The second time I was drenched from the knees down and when I got home I had to change my clothes accordingly – which was lovely. Sunday I only managed a couple of miles and then made the mistake of having a beer for the first time in several months – just the one – but (presumably because I have been much more rigid about excluding all grains from my diet lately rather than allowing GF ones) it had a very measurable bad effect on my digestive system which is still continuing as I type this.
Today has been a busy day with not much time for self-pitying although plenty of time for worrying about the state of the world and the future so that was pleasant…

Friday, 7 December 2018

Back again :)

I meant to try to post again yesterday but was so busy and rushed from morning till I left work that I had no time. And after that, no energy… I am feeling a bit better, partly thanks to your lovely and supportive comments, and partly because as usual I only found the energy to post my last gloomy message when I was starting to come out of it slightly. I suppose being too busy to dwell on the down sides of life didn’t hurt either!
This morning I had to rush around like a mad thing clearing my kitchen because we were having a visit by Western Power today. We tried to get a smart meter while I was on hiatus, and were stymied because the engineer couldn’t find our cut off switch for the house. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t want to risk death by electrocution by doing it unisolated (is that a word? It is now) and after our own efforts to track it down produced the same effect, we had to get the experts out. The guy they sent yesterday tracked it down, hidden away in a below counter cupboard in the kitchen, but it was well outside the regulation distance from the meter and fuse box so they want to move it. This will involve digging up our back path and who knows what – so today someone is coming to assess the exact work needed. I didn’t realise he was coming this morning until 5:15 this morning, and had to run around restacking pans and clearing work surfaces to give him room to move. Not a very peaceful start to the day, but I got it done before braving the truly disgusting weather in Wales today. Gusty strong winds combined with heavy rain. I was thisclose to retreating indoors to work from home as soon as I walked out of the house, but resisted the temptation and dragged myself to the office because I figured human contact – however annoying – was probably better than hiding in the house again. Not to mention having to do more cleaning if I didn’t have the excuse of rushing to work.
Yesterday was full of nauseating Christmas merriment (a very rowdy Secret Santa exchange held in the middle of an open plan office) but today things were fairly quiet and the work was consistent but not breathless urgency, so it was more relaxing. 
I also have a weigh in of sorts. Since I started sticking to a diet (and this was the one that caused me the agonisingly painful constipation) I’ve lost one stone 2 ounces (fourteen pounds 2 ounces.) I am obviously happy not to be an extra stone heavier, but I’ve been trying for about 3 months and that’s not the greatest result considering that I’m still obese. But it’s just about enough to keep me trying, especially considering that I don’t have those horrible side effects anymore, and as I’ve decided this WILL be the last time I have to work down from such a high point, and if taking it off slowly makes it more likely to stay off longer, that’s OK. It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s OK. It is, right? No forget I ask, it IS OK.

Wednesday, 5 December 2018

Is there anybody there….?

If not, I can’t say I’m surprised and I certainly deserve it!
I’m… in a weird place mentally. I stopped writing posts because I just didn’t feel like I had anything to say. I wasn’t (at that point) particularly depressed or upset or whatever, just nothing worth talking about. But maybe that was a sign of impending depression because now I’m decidedly down and fighting the urge to hibernate until the spring. I’m not being very digital at the moment – been catching up on blogs once a week just to make sure you’re OK, but not commenting because… nothing to say. Trying not to read the news or watch / read / listen to current affairs programs because I’m so damn sick of all the negativity, posturing, power playing, CRAP that seems to be everywhere at the moment.
And I hate this time of year anyway because of the dark mornings and dark evenings and (in Wales anyway) constant rain in between the dark mornings and evenings. So yeah. I didn’t exactly decide not to blog any more, but every day I decided not to blog today, until it started to feel like I couldn’t if I wanted to – which I know is ridiculous.
Ugh. I just feel like a total waste of digital bandwidth at the moment.
Nothing’s actually happened or changed, I’m just… ugh. Maybe the fact that nothing has happened or changed is the reason I feel like this. Anyway. I’ve been getting darker and more depressive in terms of my inner dialogue – I guess that should be monologue not dialogue, the voices aren’t talking back to me J - so I figured splatting all this into a post might just get it away from the forefront of my brain.
‘Tis the season to be a miserable bitch. Sorry to be such a downer.

Thursday, 1 November 2018

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...

So, I’m still doing my LCHF diet. It hasn’t completely sorted out the digestive issues, but visiting the bathroom isn’t a source of dread and pain any more so I’m still fairly happy. I haven’t been feeling hungry between meals so the not snacking thing is going reasonably well too. I am a little bit missing my overnight oats but I’m sure I’ll get over the cravings soon enough, and it’s really minor considering that I was eating it every day through choice for several months. I haven’t had any cravings or even interest in anything else that I’ve cut out so far.
So this is good!
 I actually wrote the above yesterday (Wednesday) and forgot to post it on here. My sleeping still isn't where it should be so my memory could be better . But I thought before I posted it today I'd just add on a bit of something extra. All the above is still true. But to add to it all I weighed in below that threshold I'd been dancing just above for the last x weeks on the other diet. And without fasting, being hungry, laxative use or hardship. I hope it isn't a short lived drop, but I'm very happy to have seen the slightly lower number leading the scale display this morning. In fact as embarrassed as I am by my size I will put it out there - from 13 to 12 is a big deal psychologically even if it was only by half a pound.

Monday, 29 October 2018

Another Monday?!?

Hi guys, sorry I haven't been around lately...
My impromptu week off posting (and all social media in fact) last week wasn't intended, but I was in a bad mood all week and every time that I tried to start a post I ended up deleting the draft before it hit the blog, so sorry about that. Basically I was so uncomfortable due to the recurring subject of the constipation that I just became grumpier and grumpier with every day - to the extent that I've decided to try cutting the carbs and upping the fat again. Its the only way my body seems to be willing to work properly - last week even dulcoease wasn't enough and I had to resort to full-on laxative use with all the horribleness that implies.
So this decision was reached on Thursday while dashing - and I do mean dashing - to the bathroom thanks to dulcoease's evil sibling dulcolax, but I didn't actually act on the decision until Saturday, so I've been doing that for 3 days now and I'm much more comfortable already. It's not just that things keep moving, but with less undigestible bulk even if it does get stuck along the way it doesn't leave me feeling so swollen, bloated, and generally heavy also. 
So I can begin to feel more human again - and so far, I do!  I'm also cutting out artificial sweeteners, still not drinking, and attempting to skip the snacking. And despite all of that I'm STILL feeling better and happier than I was. The only thing that could improve that would be to step on the scales tomorrow and see a different first number of the digital display, after two or three weeks of constantly bouncing around the same numbers between bouts of bunged-upness. I don't know if that will happen but fingers crossed and welcome back low carb, high fat, moderate protein keto my friend...

Thursday, 18 October 2018

Wednesday and Thursday

Still bored. This working thing is rubbish. Anyone want to give me a load of money or nothing? Anyone? I’ll be ever so grateful…
Sigh. I thought not. Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I started this post at about ten in the morning and by home-time still hadn’t got past the food summary – which is why I didn’t bother to post it.
This morning got off to a dreadful start when the train pulled up at my station. It was one time and the normal 4 carriages in length – but due to an electrical fault in the rear two carriages they’d only let passengers board half of the train. Usually, because its an early train and I get on at a fairly early station, I can choose my seat – today I was standing up the whole way. By the last three stations, when a couple of people fought their way off and twice as many new passengers were fighting their way on while the driver offered increasingly unappreciated apologies, those of us who were standing up could only barely find enough room to breathe and an accident – or even slightly more emphatic braking than usual – could have been catastrophic. And the most annoying thing was that everyone squeezed into those two carriages would have been perfectly willing to sit in the dark, but those carriages were empty apart from the guard and a few other members of staff, who got to ride in much greater comfort than the paying customers.  On Sunday Keolis Amey took over the franchise from Arriva Trains Wales, after 15 contentious years, and I can honestly say that was the worst train journey I’ve ever had. So it’s especially great to know I’m paying fractionally under £1000 a year for my season ticket.
After starting the day that well I was in a foul mood by the time we reached Cardiff, and very tempted to jump on the first train going the other way to go back to bed and try to forget it ever happened. It took a genuine effort not to snap heads off everywhere I went. And I settled for keeping quiet and not replying to emails on the assumption that if I did I’d probably regret what I said to the innocent bystanders around me. And my back hurts thanks to being thrown around every time the train stopped. I do wonder how far the ripples of all that anger and angst have spread this morning – there were no happy or satisfied customers in my carriage, that’s for sure. I don’t do twitter but I almost wish I did so I could tweet about my feelings right now, in the hope of actually getting some compensation.
So, that’s me. ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY. Amazing the impact of a bad half hour at the start of the day. I want to drink heavily and binge on chocolate to calm down...

Food Wednesday
Breakfast: overnight oats with raspberries (and protein power – yay)
Lunch: Heinz potato and leek soup (I brought the last portion of corn chowder with me but couldn’t face it. Saves me having to think about lunch tomorrow anyway)
Dinner: Prawn and egg salad
Snacks: Greek yogurt with fruit; protein bar; pork scratchings

Food Thursday:
Breakfast: overnight oats with raspberries 
Lunch: Corn chowder with gf seeded bread – one slice
Dinner: Pork chop with scrambled eggs
Snacks: Kefir; fruit

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

Monday and Tuesday

I didn’t post yesterday because I took a day off to spend in Cardiff with my brother, and we walked 12 miles and were both completely knackered by evening. It was a really good day, which was nice because it’s his birthday this week and that was one of his treats for the said birthday. We spent the morning in the town centre, then in the afternoon walked to the Bay area and wandered around at the water’s edge a bit. 

I had a good, well behaved lunch at Wetherspoons and then we each had a huge and unhealthy Five Guys milkshake (imagine getting a massive bowl of ice cream and allowing it to melt before drinking it through a straw and you’re in the right ball park)
It was a lovely day, much better than the average Monday at work (to say the very least) and it was almost physically painful going back to work today. Although not as painful as me feet were after the 12 miles yesterday.
Today was unbelievably tedious. I don’t like working in IT and I wish I could think of something else to do sometimes. Other times I just wish I could skip ahead to retirement with enough money for spontaneous days out at my leisure. Today is the second kind of day. I didn’t walk to the station and I’m OK with that given how sore my feet were yesterday.

Food today:
Breakfast: overnight oats with raspberries. I forgot the protein powder so added some Greek yogurt instead, which wasn’t as filling as usual.
Lunch: corn chowder. Should have been with a slice of GF bread, but I forgot the bread too. Are you sensing a theme? I wasn’t really sentient this morning while packing my bag for work.
Dinner: rump steak with cheesy spinach and mushrooms
Snacks: Smaller portion of Greek yogurt than planned; protein bar to make up for the lost protein powder; fruit