Thursday, 16 February 2017

Phew

Thanks for not telling me I'm copping out with my new plan. I worry when making that kind of decision that I'm going to end up on a six month bender involving eating till I die.
I was snacky today but not sweet stuff and I inadvertently walked 7.5 miles so I think I earned it. 
This morning I walked to the doctors surgery to hand in a repeat prescription form and intended to carry on into town afterwards. Then it started to rain so after depositing the form I headed for home. Then it stopped raining so I turned around again. If I had a stalker he would have thought I'd gone mad. I made it into town without more rain and went to a hairdressers I'd spotted where you don't always need to book. They fitted me in straight away and would you believe it, the stylist was a keen walker who forages for wild mushrooms! Never enjoyed a hair cut so much before. Not necessarily the best cut ever but a good experience. And way less stressful than trying not to get drawn into a forced conversation about whether I have a holiday coming up. Then I went to the library, returned home for lunch, and popped out for a little shopping. That's when the snackiness kicked in, I reached the shop and like a flick of a switch my energy was gone. Walking home I felt like my spine was compressing under the (not that great) weight of my rucksack. Yep, still a bit run down. Rest day tomorrow.

Food today:
Breakfast:  eggs scrambled with mushrooms and bacon 
Lunch: cauliflower and leek soup with a garnish of diced bacon 
Dinner: chicken and vegetables - Sunday dinner on Thursday 
Snacks: cashew nuts and pork scratchings 

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Cycle

I'm in a cycle I mean - not on a cycle :-)
My cycle is something like this: get depressed over job situation -> comfort binge eat (or drink, but I'm doing well at resisting that at the moment) -> feel sick -> get run down -> get depressed at job situation AND weight no-loss -> comfort binge eat 

Repeat ad nauseum. If today is the 46th day of the year I've had approximately 40 new starts so far, and having one or two 'good' days in that period is not enough to fix the bad. 
I'm not coming at this in a self hating or blaming way, just an attempt to work out a way out from the cycle. I'm not looking after myself properly by replacing healthy (or even just normal) food) with crap that lacks any real nutritional value. I'm not feeding my brain what it needs to fight depression, not feeding my immune system what it needs to fight infection or heal. 
On the plus side I've only had one drink in a week and a half, and most days, weather permitting, I make it out of the house and generally walk 2 or 3 miles.  
So I'm planning to continue with the not drinking and the walking - ideally increasing the distance as I go. I can't magic up a job before one becomes available so I'll just have to find a better coping mechanism. In the short term that is going to be not tightly watching my calories but endeavouring to cut out the crap. Basically no processed foods. If I can get out of that habit my body should thank me but getting stronger if not thinner. If I can manage that I can then start cutting back on the calories - but slowly so I don't push too far too quickly and end up bingeing again. 
It's a plan, even if it's not the best plan. Did you think I can do it? I'm not sure I do but I guess time will tell...

Food today:
Breakfast: pan-fried cold smoked mackerel with a slice of gf bread 
Lunch: homemade leek and cauliflower  soup with a small garnish of diced dry-fried cooking bacon and a hard boiled egg
Dinner: homemade lamb and cumin burger with broccoli 
Snack: Total 0% Greek yogurt 

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Bum

Full on binge today. I don't know why, I just know I feel slightly sick and very silly.
It could be because I've always hated Valentine's Day I suppose, which would be pretty pathetic. 
Or maybe because my upper lip is covered with very painful cold sores. Whatever the reason, I'm not a happy bunny.

Monday, 13 February 2017

Brrrrrr

It's still cold here even if the risk of snow was greatly overstated. We had none on Sunday at all - but it was so bitter I cut my walk short - the cold wind was bringing tears to my eyes.
Today I managed to walk a few miles. It looked pretty good - bright and sunny - this morning as I went to the library, but again with the bitterly cold and later in the morning the wind picked up and it clouded right over so I wasn't inspired to go out again. 
I did some training - the boring professional kind not physical exercise - and quite a bit of food prep and cooking but that was about all. Apart from lazy reading and TV watching. And searching for new jobs to be rejected by. 

Saturday, 11 February 2017

Sorry guys

Sheer exhaustion wiped me out. On Thursday little bruv and I only walked 5 miles because we were both knackered - plus it was sooo cold. The rest of the day was spent chatting and TV watching in the warm.
Yesterdays interview was quite good in every respect except the getting a job offer part. The job was for a manufacturing company and although I felt I got on well with the IT director who interviewed me she didn't feel I'd necessarily fit in with the users I'd have to work with. I'm not sure I couldn't get on with men in hard hats and high-vis jackets myself, but I wasn't that keen on the job based on the salary anyway. M suggested the real reason might be a fear of a drop in productivity due to my distracting boobs in the warehouse, but I think that reveals more about him than the guys in the warehouse. Ah well. Still unemployed.
On the way home from the interview I popped into Aldi's and then drove home planning a walk; but it was sooooo cold I didn't bother. I put my dressing gown on at 12:20 - at that point I was taking off my suit to get lunch and planned to dress again after eating, but I lay down for 5, fell asleep, and never got going again.
This morning I woke up to snow. A thin coat on the roofs and gardens and more falling. I don't like snow. Plus it was sooooooooo cold... I haven't left the house. I wanted to go to the library but. No. Just no.
Years ago we discussed emigrating to Canada, obviously eventually deciding against. In retrospect that may have been the best decision we ever made. I would have to stay home for MONTHS and then I'd get cranky and melt down. At least I know it will probably be (relatively) warmly raining in a few days here in South Wales...
Last night I had a whisky - the first drink since Monday - and ate some extras to console myself on the job front; consequently I didn't weigh myself today

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Whoa

My brother walked my feet off my legs today. He arrived bright and early and we walked to the train station (1.3 miles) and caught the train to Cardiff. We walked around all day from 9 till 16:00 apart from a couple of shortish breaks, then reversed the journey home. According to my phone I walked just over 13 miles in total though I find that hard to believe - but it is hard to judge when you're more involved in conversation than traveling.
As well as wandering all over town we also visited Cardiff Castle for a couple of hours of self guided exploration.
I had a brilliant day despite sleeping extremely badly last night, and I managed not to go overboard on the food, plus avoiding all booze!
Happy sigh.




(Falconry at the castle - such beautiful birds - and such bad photos!)



I know Cardiff Castle as it stands today is mostly a 19th - early 20th century flight of fancy with little of the Roman and Norman structure remaining, but that Marquess of Bute had some excellent flights of fancy!


Weight : 178 lbs

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I've been so tired and so hungry today. No binge, but probably maintenance calories. I managed a walk and a very little housework but that's it in terms of the physical.
Tomorrow is another day.
And no booze!

Weight : 179 lbs