Monday, 24 July 2017


How is everyone?
I'm.... Struggling again with the depression thing. So far I haven't binged or got totally plastered, though I can't claim to have made the best choices the last couple of days. I've been prone to getting tearful and being very negative about things, as well as overly sensitive about imagined criticism. Sigh. The crappy weather in Wales didn't help (torrential rain most of Friday, some torrential showers Saturday, grey and dreary Sunday) and nor did staying shut up in the house most of the weekend. 
M asked me on Saturday what I thought would help make me feel happier... I literally couldn't think of anything at all. Yesterday wasn't AS bad and today was a little better again, so I have no idea what was going on in my brain or why it's improving now. That lack of a clue is really frustrating...

Thursday, 20 July 2017


What to say, what to say...
I had a day of presentations and meetings today. Some of them were quite interesting as such things go but it doesn't really lead to an interesting post. I didn't go out at lunchtime - I'm having more foot pain this week so I'm resting it as much as I can. I'm slowly getting my eating back under control - I lost it a bit after Fridays afternoon do and the sheer exhaustion I was suffering from pretty much up until today. Nytol has been my knight in shining armour on that front and I'm finally not feeling so fatigued. Hopefully I'll get back under control on all fronts and be able to make progress again on the food, getting more active, and generally feeling healthier.

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Wednesday already?

We had some light rain last night but no storm as far as I can tell. It carried on being grey and dreary - and muggy - today as well, but waited to actually rain until I left work. Luckily even then it was fairly light and unconvincing rain - no-where near what the farmers and gardeners are looking for.
I slept much better last night with the help of another nytol. I know it's only intended for short term use but I'm still playing catch up and every evening it seems to hit me like a hanner - I'm barely awake now. So I'll keep taking it for a day or two more. Must go now zzzzzzzzzzzzz 

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Tuesday.. I think

I've been struggling to get any sleep for days now and yesterday it really caught up with me - hence the placeholder post last night.
We last spoke on Friday, just before the great cheese and wine tasting - and it was great. I was mingling with people I didn't know well - some I'd never met before and others I'd had only the most casual and superficial contact with. Unless you just dropped by today for the first time ever you'll know that's not really my comfort zone. I struggle to make conversation at the best of times and being the new girl with lots of people who already know each other isn't the best of times in my world. But I work with a lot of nice, friendly and funny people and it turned out I could make conversation. And it wasn't even conversation about work either. Plus there were some incredible cheeses and excellent Welsh beer - and it finished just after 4 in the afternoon so I wasn't even out late. In fact I caught the train only 15 minutes later than usual. Much better than any other Friday afternoon in the history of working.
When I got home (I wasn't pissed in case you wondered) we had a takeaway and I had one more beer.
Saturday we completely rearranged our living room - involving lots of furniture moving and back pain. Sunday we finished off a few bits and I managed a short walk - with more back pain. And no sleep.
Monday it really caught up with me. I very nearly fell asleep at my desk in the afternoon and found myself grazing on lots of carbs all day. I fell into bed by about 8 and (with the help of nytol) managed a reasonable nights sleep finally.
Today I was still quite tired but kept it under better control. The morning wasn't disrupted by a desk move (why do companies insist on doing those? It just gets in the way of the work.) and I'm now sitting at exactly the same desk I started out at when I joined the company. Exactly 3 months ago today. With another possible desk move on the not too distant horizon.
I just took another nytol so I'm going to go to sleep now... Zzzzzzzzzzzzz 

Monday, 17 July 2017

Friday, 14 July 2017


Posting now because there's no way I'll be up for it later.
Today we're having a summer work do involving cheese and wine (or beer) and a paid afternoon off. We're leaving at 12 and not eating till 1:30 (alarm bells ringing already). 
I will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues. 
will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues. 
I will not get pissed and embarass myself in front of my colleagues.
I possibly should have practiced drinking beer when I knew this was coming.

Thursday, 13 July 2017

Sometimes I do myself no favours...

Like when I'm depressed and choose to wallow in it instead of doing something to feel better. Like when I'm depressed and lonely and curl up on my own instead of finding company or even posting. Like when I'm struggling with the diet thing because of an unhappy weigh in and 'decide' to binge.
None of those things apply today by the way. But I'm bored because of a quiet time at work and have been for a few days now. When it started I went around asking people for work and they gave it to me and it was good. Until I hit blockers on several bits of said work that left me hanging around waiting for other people to sort things out so I can do my thing. And I seem to have run out of 'chasing it' steam (partly due to inhibitions about being seen as a nag) so I'm just sitting around being bored and letting nothing happen. Pathetic. Although I'm possibly just being more like a permie than a contractor who feels the need to constantly demonstrate value to the customer. Anyway whatever I'm bored.